Sex education year 4

[Changernamerjoker]

Hello - just trying to gauge of what happened was ok today.

Daughter is in year 4 and they started learning about puberty. We had started planning on bringing this up ourselves, but school has pipped us to the post.

So daughter learned about periods, breast development, BO, hair growth as well as what happened to the boys.

Boys and girls stayed in the same
Class (girls and boys were separated for this in my
Day, is that not longer done?)

They also discussed ‘the boys worms getting to the egg’ but my daughter has no clue how that happens. I obviously need to explain this to her tonight (feel a bit taken by surprise)

Daughter is both confused and upset.

Parents were not given the heads up on this lesson plan.

Is this right? Do schools just do this now with our parental consent?

DD is in the private sector if that matters?

@Changernamerjoker

She’s in a class of 9 kids (private sector) and only two of the kids actually had a clue. Both were boys. She’s told me that two boys new how the sperm got to the egg abs that they said ‘you don’t want to know’

Periods have disturbed her a lot tonight (which I think is fair as I personally think it’s a disturbing concept for a child) but we have to fill in the gaps now as she is adamant she needs to know (again fair after today’s conversations at school)

Sorry but, what the fuck? I saw nothing wrong with your post until reading that periods are a disturbing concept. They'll only be disturbed if the subject is always avoided, or considered a hushed issue at home. Girls should be brought up around age-appropiate conversations about their own bodies.

Sorry, I rarely swear in real life and on social media but this just hit a nerve.

@Changernamerjoker

Their children! I think it’s sad that periods happen to young children. 8 year olds believe in Santa where I live. I find it very difficult to get my head around that I’m ‘unusually’ for finding it sad that periods may happen to an 8 year old.

They're not mutually exclusive - girls can play with dolls, believe in Santa and have periods you know!

And even if she is a way off puberty (no btw, periods are not necessarily the last thing to develop - armpit and pubic hair can be later), she may have friends who start.

My dd 3 knows what a period is. She came in the toilet whilst I had a heavy period and was very scared that I had a big ouch.

I just explained that mummy's bodies try to make a home for babies but when no babies come then we don't need the home.
Then the question how the baby gets in there.
Well in mummy's tummy there are eggs and sometimes they turn into babies, but they need the worm to swim to it.
Then I showed her a very high quality video from YouTube of a baby's development from sperm meeting egg onwards. No penis involved at all.
At this age, when she asked where the egg and sperm come from, I said peoples bodies can make them just like we make wee wee and poo poo and that was a satisfactory explanation.
Shes not been scared of seeing me on my period since so I don't regret the conversation. She thinks my tampons and sanitary pads are just like plasters and knows they are mummy's and not to play with them.
Then I got pregnant and could explain that one of my eggs had turned into a baby and that the home would get bigger and bigger in my belly until the baby is ready to come out. We have watched that YouTube video so many times now during my pregnancy.
Maybe something like that would help with the conversation. Obviously at 8 you don't have to use words like wee wee and poo poo but you don't have to go into a full description of sexual intercourse either. But if she wants to know I think you owe it to her to explain some basics rather than let her find out on the school playground or be scared of something that doesn't have to be scary.

The Osborne book 'what's happening to me' is pretty good by the way if you want to add to her Christmas list.

It's actually easier to teach them when they are young. In my case my kids saw tampons /sanitary pads amongst my shopping and in the bathroom so it made sense to explain. They knew before Reception that mum uses tampons because adult women bleed every month and it's not the sort of bleeding that hurts. It becomes a matter of fact thing like grown men shave every day if they don't want a beard. When kids are older, the concept of bleeding every month sounds a lot scarier because blood means pain in their world and they should be warned before discovering blood in their knickers one day.

I'm glad that you see that you should have done this earlier.

She thinks my tampons and sanitary pads are just like plasters and knows they are mummy's and not to play with them.

Mine thought they were my nappies!

My son learned about conception, and how the "seeds" get to the egg, aged 3 from the very age appropriate book Mummy Laid an Egg - I didn't plan it but someone gave us the book as I was reading it I discovered what it was about and it was great! I think kids always knowing (from as long as they can remember) is better than making "the talk" some big thing. He doesn't know about periods yet but as soon as I start having them again (am currently pregnant) he will get to know about them I'm sure. It's good to treat biology as matter of fact - imbuing it with anything else can promote embarrassment or shame. He also learns about consent all the time through conversations about not doing things to people's bodies if they say no, he doesn't have to give or receive a hug if he doesn't want to, etc.

My child has known about the mechanics of sex since 2/3. He particularly enjoyed the youtube videos of the sperm swimming to the egg. It’s being prude and vague about it that causes the problems.

I would however be complaining about the teacher saying that “worms” go to the egg! How is that education? Worms are what eat you when you’re dead. They have nothing to do with sperm. If you can’t teach it right, don’t teach it at all.

And anyway the reason they teach sex ed at this age is so that kids understand what is happening to their bodies even where - as with you - their parents fail to educate them about it by the appropriate age. This or example helps the girls who start their periods at age 9 know that they aren’t injured, those who are abused at this age know what is happening to them and that it shouldn’t be and that they need help, etc.

Ps I know someone who had sex (voluntarily) at age nine, with another child… Your prudery will not protect your daughter, ignorance is dangerous…

Kids start puberty on average 2 years earlier than those now in their 40’s did so average 10-11. It’s really important that it’s introduced at a young age so not embarrassing and children are aware of things that are inappropriate. Agree it would be good if the school had told you but it really shouldn’t be totally new info at year 4. Just take her through the book you got and fill in any blanks she has.

Don’t worry OP, you’re not offending anyone.

But if I were you I would lose the prudish attitude, and I’d do it really soon.

If you’re not comfortable talking to her about these things, how would you expect her to be comfortable talking to you? She needs to be able to come to her mum and ask anything she wants, especially about puberty and sex.

How will you broach the topic of contraception in 3-4 years’ time? She probably won’t be sexually active at 12, but other people are, so she needs to know the facts and how to stay safe, from an early age. As early as possible. You don’t want her to hear it during a Y8 lunch break, from a friend.

Being a prude about these topics won’t help anyone. Her knowing where you keep your pads or tampons should be a given. Don’t make her feel like these are things to be embarrassed about. She’ll just repeat the cycle and it’s really unhealthy and unnecessary for girls to grow up like that.

@Changernamerjoker

Their children! I think it’s sad that periods happen to young children. 8 year olds believe in Santa where I live. I find it very difficult to get my head around that I’m ‘unusually’ for finding it sad that periods may happen to an 8 year old.

Dd was just 10y when she started her periods. She'd started other aspects of puberty in the year or two prior.

She wasn't the only one. By the time she went to secondary school, out of her class of 12 girls over half had started their periods. And she wasn't the first to start either.

She did have diary regular periods from the start and they were fairly 'normal' - so not really light, but also not really heavy. She got some cramps, so had Calpol Melts that she could take quickly without the need for drinks, etc. if they came in suddenly. She has supplies in a little bag inside her school bag for a few months beforehand. School were well set up for it too.

She didn't become any less of a child just because her periods started. She still enjoyed everything else that makes up a childhood. In many ways she was still a little girl at 10y. She just was a little girl who needed to learn how to deal with a period, which she did really well and with minimal fuss.

Periods weren't a surprise or shock to her as she had known about them for several years prior - they'd never been something I'd hidden away, though we didn't have lengthy chats about it all the time either. As she went to an all girls school these things were spoken about fairly openly there too.

I was actually quite upset to read that your DD was disturbed by the idea of periods. That really shouldn't be the case, she should have known about this completely normal bodily function way before the age where it's a shocking and scary bombshell. My DS is 8 and DD is 5, they both know about periods as they never let me go to the bathroom alone when they were little.

DS knows the mechanics of sex because I've always answered his questions in an honest but age appropriate way. DD doesn't know but I have no qualms about telling her as soon as the subject comes up.

It’salwaysthere - I’m not ‘anti periods or period rights’ or what ever it is you think I said.

At 34, I hate detest and find the fact that I have to bleed from my uterus out of my Vagina for 5 days absolutely disturbing - whether that is nature or not.

You’ve no idea the conversation I had with my daughter tonight. But because I had underprepared her, she finds the concept shocking, and I will now spend a lot of time and effort thing to make this change as comfortable as possible.

You swearing at me is pretty low, and your ‘shock’
At me finding periods disturbing* is an opinion you are welcome to keep to yourself.

Also - look up the word disturbing.

For those of you that are ‘upset’ that a child is shocked or disturbed by the idea of a period - I’m
Sorry, clearly I’m not as good a mother as you. Bar off to you all (also, talk to your kids more, they may not be as ‘fine’ with it all as you think)

Additionally. I’ve avoided this chat because to me
Periods are disturbing. 5 - 7 crippling days of agony, I have to double up and change ever 1-2 hours. I’ve had every scan and key hole surgery going to diagnosis me with everything from endometriosis, adenomyosis, pelvic congestion and PCOS. So yes, I’m my life periods have been utterly utterly disturbing and horrific and the idea of my child (or any child) going through this sends a chill though my spine.

In my special needs school this is also how it's taught. I was in the year 5/6 class last year, they had 1 lesson both ages with boys and girls together and even with lower developmental levels (probably average 6/7 years) they mostly managed to deal with it very sensibly. Then the year 6 had a lesson split into boys and girls where they went into the basics of sex I believe.
I believe about 2/3 of the girls in year 6 had periods before leaving in July and again managed to deal with them in a very straightforward way. And actually it wasn't always the ones showing the most puberty signs who started first so it was important they all had the info.
I was about 13 when I started in early 2000's and I was definitely one of the last in my class.

Your periods sound utterly horrific OP, I get that but it doesn't mean that it has to be hidden from children.

Your daughter may be unlucky and have horrific periods like you, she may be lucky and her periods may be fine. She's still going to get them and some of her classmates may get them in the next 12 months. This is why the school needs to teach them about it in year 4 as not all parents do tell their children about it and poor primary school age kids don't know what's happening to their bodies.

I’m not objecting to it being taught. I was wondering if the ‘heads up’
Was the norm from the school.

That was all.

Jeez OP, talk about a drip feed. I'm sorry you have a rough time with your menstrual cycle but suck it up, butter up! Your kid needs you to grow up a bit and help her out!

'Disturbing' indeed

Do you get a term newsletter? Ours covers the topics there, and would be the only "heads up" we would get. My eldest received the talk in year 4, but it was very scientific (strict catholic school). What it did do was help to then develop conversations at home. I'd never hidden sanitary products from DD but she never really asked any questions. She was quite blasé about it all and that was that. But it's just as well, as when she started her period at the age of 10, in the middle of lockdown so at school in mixed age classes (I'm a key worker), and despite knowing the details, she honestly thought she was going to die. The teacher ushered her out as she was "upsetting the younger children" as she leaked all over. I was subsequently asked to keep her home for a few days as, at that time, they had no sanitary bins in the primary toilets. Turns out they did, but they were in the year 6 toilets and my DD was being taught in year 3 classroom due to the bubble situation.

So I think you've not done yourself any favours by shying away from things, and it's sad your DD has found things upsetting, but now is your opportunity to have meaningful and honest conversations with her. You need to normalise it, as it won't go away sadly. And be prepared for some big changes to happen soon, as puberty really has started much younger. I was so upset that my DD had to go through this at 10, but as she had breast buds and hair, it really wasn't unexpected.

Our state primary sent out the full scheme of work, all the resources and let us know when it’s going to be taught. The school seems a bit slap dash in not communicating with you.

(also, talk to your kids more, they may not be as ‘fine’ with it all as you think)

I talk to mine plenty, thanks, which is why they are aware of and unfazed by it all. I get it, you're feeling defensive because you've made a mistake, no need to get arsey with people when they are only trying to help you rectify that mistake. Just own it and move on.

It just 5% of girls start at 8... then 2 years in 3 the year 4 teacher of a normal sized class will have a girl start her period in that class. Because the teacher doesn’t know which girl that will be, they make sure that all the girls know.

@MadgeMak

(also, talk to your kids more, they may not be as ‘fine’ with it all as you think)

I talk to mine plenty, thanks, which is why they are aware of and unfazed by it all. I get it, you're feeling defensive because you've made a mistake, no need to get arsey with people when they are only trying to help you rectify that mistake. Just own it and move on.

This isn’t what this thread is about.

Additionally, I’ve said a few times I agree she is underprepared.

I personally do not think I’ve made a mistake.

I also remember conversations I had with my peers at ages 10-13 and believes me - none of us were fine about this stuff. So I would ‘check in’ and stop being so arrogant.

To me, it’s weird that you’re having this reaction when you have horrific periods. My mum was like you and never talked about any of this. When I started, I would bleed through a pad in 30 minutes, easily. My mum wouldn’t let me use tampons and I had no idea this kind of heavy flow wasn’t normal. I will absolutely be telling my girls EVERYTHING so they never have to deal with what I had to without help. I get that you don’t want to upset your DD but you need to help her! Which it sounds like you are now