Sex education year 4

[Changernamerjoker]

Hello - just trying to gauge of what happened was ok today.

Daughter is in year 4 and they started learning about puberty. We had started planning on bringing this up ourselves, but school has pipped us to the post.

So daughter learned about periods, breast development, BO, hair growth as well as what happened to the boys.

Boys and girls stayed in the same
Class (girls and boys were separated for this in my
Day, is that not longer done?)

They also discussed ‘the boys worms getting to the egg’ but my daughter has no clue how that happens. I obviously need to explain this to her tonight (feel a bit taken by surprise)

Daughter is both confused and upset.

Parents were not given the heads up on this lesson plan.

Is this right? Do schools just do this now with our parental consent?

DD is in the private sector if that matters?

@titchy white British female.

My DC are in private school and we were given the heads up about any RSE lessons and content and given the opportunity to discuss anything with the teachers beforehand if we wanted. They had an anonymous questions box which one of my DC used, he is autistic, and really found very helpful.
I think calm, rational discussion about subjects is essential, even if you don't personally find it a calm concept. Hopefully your DD will not experience the problems you have with your menstruation but I think it is important that the conversation is reassuring rather than talk of grief and sadness as that sets an unnecessary tone. But in answer to your question, I think usually schools tell parents beforehand

OP, you did say in a previous post:

Worth my babies but totally shit. I have been totally honest with my daughter about that

Then subsequently said:

By the way, I haven’t told my daughter about the pain and suffering. You’ve all made wild assumptions.

People have made assumptions based on what you've actually.

@Changernamerjoker

You guys clearly have liveable periods if you can compare them to shaving or dishes.

Possibly accept that you are lucky and there are a hell of a lot of women who go through hell and back every month, and don’t find periods to be ‘one of those things’ and maybe there are millions who find them absolutely horrific.

To clarify again. My daughter now aged 9 (just) knows about them and will have time to adapt before it happens to her….

Actually no I have endometriosis. I've had very very heavy bleeding and crippling debilitating pain during and around my periods my whole life. At school I used to bleed through XL night pads. I used to faint and injure myself falling off chairs. I missed a lot of school. I've missed a lot of work. Combined with menstrual migraine with aura. More reason to discuss this kind of thing openly and age appropriately with my daughter. Periods are unpleasant. But they aren't a taboo and we shouldn't hide them from our children.

[quote Changernamerjoker]@titchy white British female.[/quote]
Then I'd say your experience was definitely off the chart unusual! I'm 20 years older than you, when there was far less openness, and we were all pretty accepting of our periods. Sympathetic when someone had a bad one, or when someone's still hasn't started.

I haven’t said they are taboo.

She knows all about them. Clearly you missed the point isn’t his thread

Are you always this rude?

@MadgeMak

OP, you did say in a previous post:

Worth my babies but totally shit. I have been totally honest with my daughter about that

Then subsequently said:

By the way, I haven’t told my daughter about the pain and suffering. You’ve all made wild assumptions.

People have made assumptions based on what you've actually.

I did say that. I have told her they are rubbish. I haven’t gone into any detail. She asked about holidays and I have promised to try and boom them around hers. She is bummed out about it.

I certainly haven’t set her up to be looking forward to it as I feel that will create distrust and massive disappointment.

@dustandfluf

Are you always this rude?

Oh forgive me for not loving being interrogated by the period police.

@Bluewater1

My DC are in private school and we were given the heads up about any RSE lessons and content and given the opportunity to discuss anything with the teachers beforehand if we wanted. They had an anonymous questions box which one of my DC used, he is autistic, and really found very helpful. I think calm, rational discussion about subjects is essential, even if you don't personally find it a calm concept. Hopefully your DD will not experience the problems you have with your menstruation but I think it is important that the conversation is reassuring rather than talk of grief and sadness as that sets an unnecessary tone. But in answer to your question, I think usually schools tell parents beforehand

That heads up. That’s all I wanted.

Ok, well no need to go off at people making assumptions that have purely been based on your own words. Your words were that you have told your daughter that periods are 'horrific', not quite the same as what you are now saying you told her.

As long as she knows about consent in an age-appropriate way and anatomically correct body part names, then it sounds like she's had a great lesson. Conception is a subject that is age-appropriate and helps when they discuss animals in their science lessons too.

Don't be precious, it's to keep them safe and aware of their own bodies- nothing to hide or blush about.

OP, in answer to your original question. DS was told the basics in year 4. As parents we were told they were going to start sex education and were invited up to watch the film and presentation they were going to see. We had the chance to speak to the teachers who were doing the session to ask our own questions about how we could support the lessons (before and after) and what the kids were likely to ask us when they got home. That would have been 6 years ago, state primary school.

DS actually had a girl in his class start her period in year 6. One of her sanitary pads (wrapped ones) fell out of her bag as they were going to break one day and DS picked it up, handed it back and that was it. So having the talks together actually stopped the natural curiosity with the boys asking 'what's that'.

DS, like many of the boys mentioned on here, already knew what a period was as he too wouldn't let me go to the loo in peace. One day he asked why he could see blood, so I explained that it was what ladies got when they got older. That sometimes it made my tummy hurt and I got grumpy because of that. Now he's older he knows that some women get extreme bleeding and pain and that if he has a girlfriend who gets that he should ask her how he can help and do it. That's it. All he can do.

BTW my period started two weeks before my 12th birthday and I was one of the last in my class. That was 46 years ago. Two girls in my class were already having periods when they started secondary school. So ten years old wasn't unusual even then. Eleven was average in my class.

I do think your daughter's school was wrong in not giving you the heads up and, personally, I loved that our school allowed the parents to learn what the kids were being taught. It actually made one parent change their minds and include their child in the session so was good all round. I'm surprised all schools don't do that - perhaps they did pre-Covid?

Good, puberty is happening earlier and earlier especially in girls - my DD is one of the youngest in yr 4 and I've noticed her body starting to change already, and yes, I also think it's important for boys & girls to learn about what's happening to each other as well, and doing the classes together will hopefully help reduce embarrassment too.

What a bunch of vipers!

It's pretty obvious if your child will be one of the younger ones who start their periods. My 8 year old has absolutely no signs of puberty whatsoever, her older sister did at age 8. I'm sure the OP would have considered having the conversation with her daughter if she felt her body was starting to change.

@LondonJax

OP, in answer to your original question. DS was told the basics in year 4. As parents we were told they were going to start sex education and were invited up to watch the film and presentation they were going to see. We had the chance to speak to the teachers who were doing the session to ask our own questions about how we could support the lessons (before and after) and what the kids were likely to ask us when they got home. That would have been 6 years ago, state primary school.

DS actually had a girl in his class start her period in year 6. One of her sanitary pads (wrapped ones) fell out of her bag as they were going to break one day and DS picked it up, handed it back and that was it. So having the talks together actually stopped the natural curiosity with the boys asking 'what's that'.

DS, like many of the boys mentioned on here, already knew what a period was as he too wouldn't let me go to the loo in peace. One day he asked why he could see blood, so I explained that it was what ladies got when they got older. That sometimes it made my tummy hurt and I got grumpy because of that. Now he's older he knows that some women get extreme bleeding and pain and that if he has a girlfriend who gets that he should ask her how he can help and do it. That's it. All he can do.

BTW my period started two weeks before my 12th birthday and I was one of the last in my class. That was 46 years ago. Two girls in my class were already having periods when they started secondary school. So ten years old wasn't unusual even then. Eleven was average in my class.

I do think your daughter's school was wrong in not giving you the heads up and, personally, I loved that our school allowed the parents to learn what the kids were being taught. It actually made one parent change their minds and include their child in the session so was good all round. I'm surprised all schools don't do that - perhaps they did pre-Covid?

Thank you. Very interesting.

I am upset this was thrown on my tonight with no warning. We had bought books and we were about to do this with her and the school just did it today.

This was what the list was supposed to be about and I’ve been told by many how awful I am, she should have been told sooner Etc.

I think your school handled this beautifully. I would have loved to have been given this level of care and respect on the topic.

@worriedandannoyed

What a bunch of vipers!

It's pretty obvious if your child will be one of the younger ones who start their periods. My 8 year old has absolutely no signs of puberty whatsoever, her older sister did at age 8. I'm sure the OP would have considered having the conversation with her daughter if she felt her body was starting to change.

Thank you. My daughter looks about 6! I’ve even said this and I was crucified! Apparently periods can come before hair according to mumsnet.

My daughter is so young for her age we had only just started thinking about it.

My daughter weights 23kgs.
She’s like a 6 year old. She’s a dinky dot.

All of you who say your kids are developing, what do they weight? My aunt who is a nurse (oncology so nothing to with puberty) has told
Me they get a period when they hit around 45kgs

My girls are 9.2 and tall at 144cm and 142cm, they weigh 35 and 35 kilos, one has a size 4 shoe so they will need to start in the next couple of years if they will be enormously tall women with huge feet! Girls tend to stop growing a couple of years after starting their period.

Sorry, 35 and 36 kilos.

"Apparently periods can come before hair according to mumsnet"

Do you mean pubic hair? Of course they can. My period came at 10, before any other signs of puberty I can remember.

I have told her they are rubbish.

But why? They could be, or they could be not.

Why is she bummed out about holidays? It's not like you can plan a holiday for when there isn't a period either... Periods are unpredictable. That isn't great, I'll give you it!

@43leftfeet

"Apparently periods can come before hair according to mumsnet"

Do you mean pubic hair? Of course they can. My period came at 10, before any other signs of puberty I can remember.

Same here as well. Shaving and using deodorant came even later.

@Changernamerjoker

My daughter weights 23kgs. She’s like a 6 year old. She’s a dinky dot.

All of you who say your kids are developing, what do they weight? My aunt who is a nurse (oncology so nothing to with puberty) has told
Me they get a period when they hit around 45kgs

That's been debunked I'm afraid. Many much lighter girls have periods. And yes of course hair can come after for some. Puberty isn't exactly the same for everyone.

Apparently periods can come before hair according to mumsnet.

Ermmm mine did but hey I was 11 and it was the 80's so clearly I was a freak. We had full on, the whole works sex ed (pubity, periods, sex, birth video, contraception) in year 5 - it was actually the first year of middle school but that how it equates in modern terminology. Our poor parents had to sit through the videos first and give there consent though. The only time we were sex segregated was the visit from the "tampax lady" in year one or two of seniors (I still have no idea what the boys got up to while we were getting a sales talk from Tampax).