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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Sex education year 4

197 replies

Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 17:59

Hello - just trying to gauge of what happened was ok today.

Daughter is in year 4 and they started learning about puberty. We had started planning on bringing this up ourselves, but school has pipped us to the post.

So daughter learned about periods, breast development, BO, hair growth as well as what happened to the boys.

Boys and girls stayed in the same
Class (girls and boys were separated for this in my
Day, is that not longer done?)

They also discussed ‘the boys worms getting to the egg’ but my daughter has no clue how that happens. I obviously need to explain this to her tonight (feel a bit taken by surprise)

Daughter is both confused and upset.

Parents were not given the heads up on this lesson plan.

Is this right? Do schools just do this now with our parental consent?

DD is in the private sector if that matters?

OP posts:
MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 06/12/2021 18:38

@Changernamerjoker

She’s in a class of 9 kids (private sector) and only two of the kids actually had a clue. Both were boys. She’s told me that two boys new how the sperm got to the egg abs that they said ‘you don’t want to know’

Periods have disturbed her a lot tonight (which I think is fair as I personally think it’s a disturbing concept for a child) but we have to fill in the gaps now as she is adamant she needs to know (again fair after today’s conversations at school)

Periods really shouldn't be disturbing, I have a Dd8 and Ds5 and both are aware of periods, old enough to ask old enough to know in age appropriate terms I think 🤷🏻‍♀️
MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 06/12/2021 18:40

@Changernamerjoker

No heads up at all. Nothing.

Is 11 seriously the average now?! Im 34 and was 13 (just) when it happened to me, and I was easily one of the first. I was definitely at secondary school. I think we knew of 2 girls at primary school it had happened to.

Why is this happened earlier these days? 11 was absolutely not the norm circa 2000.

Also I'm only 6 years younger than you and started at just turned 12 and was not a 'late starter' but definitely wouldn't have been considered early, at least 9/10 girls out of 80 had started in primary school.
Restlessinthenorth · 06/12/2021 18:44

OP, said kindly, your responses here are quite unusual. You need to try not to project your own feelings on your daughter. It's hard to understand what you find so upsetting about a biological process. Posters have made it clear to you that 8 is on the young side of normal, but that by 11, lots of girls will have started their period (at least half of my daughters class). My 9 year old son knows about periods, and my daughter has know about them her entire life from being around me. Both completely non fazed when it was discussed in class.

It's sad that your daughter is in tears about this. I can understand why if you have completed hidden this from her. It might be worth thinking about how you are going to have other important conversations going forwards with their. Hiding things/trying to "protect" her is really not going to do her any favours. Non hysterical, factual discussions are so much more preferable to playground chatter. You really won't be able to hide these things from her going forwards.

Tillymintpolo · 06/12/2021 18:44

You being prudish and embarrassed is not helpful to your daughter

feedmemincepies · 06/12/2021 18:49

This is standard curriculum for this age. But the school should have notified that this was coming up, our school certainly did so that parents would be aware and could anticipate any questions.
My daughter is 10 and a couple of her friends have started their periods, one was 9 I think.

Oakdene · 06/12/2021 18:52

@CherryAndAlmond

Given that no one is allowed to acknowledge that there are two distinct sexes anymore I very much doubt they'll be splitting up boys and girls.
Interesting that OFSTED have just brought in pupil voice through single sex groups in their inspections.
stingofthebutterfly · 06/12/2021 18:55

I think it's fine to touch on the biology of periods in year 4. Some children won't be taught anything by their parents and it's obviously better to prepare them. Whilst it's not unusual for a girl to start at age 8/9, it's not common though, and most certainly not average. From experience, I'd say 11/12 is more like it.

Sex though, absolutely not, and we had to consent to our year 6 children being taught that kind of material by the school nursing team. Boys and girls were separated for a lot of it.

I wouldn't be happy if my child had been taught in that detail whilst that young.

indecisivewoman81 · 06/12/2021 18:56

I think the key to this is having a little chat in a very scientific way. Pretend you are a science teacher just explaining how babies are made. You don't need to go into lots of detail just the facts.

Puberty definitely needs discussing. I bought my daughter the Usborne book called "what is happening to me" and we read little bits together. But I read it first and stopped where I felt comfortable

FudgeSundae · 06/12/2021 18:58

My understanding is girls are getting periods earlier because they’re heavier. It’s a weight/nutrition thing in the population in general.
Shocked that your daughter didn’t know. Thank goodness it sounds like the boys that did were kind and didn’t use it to bully the others!

RandomUsernameHere · 06/12/2021 18:59

I would have been very surprised by this too OP. They should have told you in advance that they were going to cover this in school, to give you a chance to discuss it with your DD first.

Silverswirl · 06/12/2021 19:00

Yes they do learn this in Y4- often in the summer term though.
Permission should be sought and notice should have been given

JustOneMoreStep · 06/12/2021 19:02

I'm confused by your thinking that anything before 13 was unusual c. 2000. I'm the same age (34) and started age 11 (summer holidays before starting secondary!) and I definitely wasn't the first. My friends all started at a similar sort of age. In fact there was one girl who go really stressed out that she hadn't started by age 13 because she was literally the only one she knew who hadn't.

In terms of curriculum I don't think its particularly unusual and certainly nothing that would raise alarm bells.

RandomUsernameHere · 06/12/2021 19:02

@titchy

Whilst I agree it would have been sensible for the school to give a heads up generally that they'll be looking at this topic this term, I think the main fault, if that's the right word, is with you sorry. You've left it very very late - she should have known this from much earlier. It wouldn't have been a big deal at all if you'd done that. Heck how would she have felt if she woke up with blood in her pyjamas bottoms last week? Starting age 8 is within the normal range!
I think OP would have noticed if her DD was showing signs of starting puberty early and obviously would have broached the subject already if this were the case.
Silverswirl · 06/12/2021 19:04

@stingofthebutterfly

I think it's fine to touch on the biology of periods in year 4. Some children won't be taught anything by their parents and it's obviously better to prepare them. Whilst it's not unusual for a girl to start at age 8/9, it's not common though, and most certainly not average. From experience, I'd say 11/12 is more like it.

Sex though, absolutely not, and we had to consent to our year 6 children being taught that kind of material by the school nursing team. Boys and girls were separated for a lot of it.

I wouldn't be happy if my child had been taught in that detail whilst that young.

This is not how it is in 2021 with most state schools. It’s learned in y5 and the only thing they are separated for is the period talk but boys get the period talk too, just in another room to the girls.
Musmerian · 06/12/2021 19:04

I think you have an odd attitude to bodies and puberty and that could rub on your DD. If you start really early they Judy absorb the bits they understand and it’s a gradual process of understanding. Puberty is earlier than it used to be in our parents/grandparents generation

NerrSnerr · 06/12/2021 19:04

Please try and be more open in front of her about periods. Make sure there's a supply of products she can use that are easily accessible and not hidden. Don't make her feel like she can't leave a pack of tampons on her bed and they have to be hidden at the back of the drawer.

Periods were not mentioned in our house. The male members could not be aware that we had periods. It was miserable.

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 19:07

My dd is 9 and doesn’t have a hint of puberty about her, I think this is also why I’m a bit shocked that this is all ‘so normal’ surely the period is the last bit to come? She often roams around totally starkers and looks like a 6 year old to me. I just can’t see 9 year olds getting periods from my own experiences, apologies that this seems to offend so many of you.

OP posts:
User0ne · 06/12/2021 19:07

Blimey my 3 and 5 year olds know about periods and how the sperm gets to the egg.

Your DD will see your embarrassment and discomfort and that will be effecting her view of these things massively.

If she's scared (which it sounds like) then it might be useful for you to take her with you and show her what happens/what you do next time you have a period and yes I do mean the blood, tampons/pads etc.

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 19:10

I think my boundary’s count here too, and no. That’s not going to happen.

OP posts:
dolphins1203 · 06/12/2021 19:13

I work at a private school, we are following the curriculum and this is now statutory. However the school should have informed you what would be covered in the year group. We are encouraged to teach the same topics to the class together so that boys and girls are given the same knowledge and information at the same time. It's to promote understanding between the genders. So yes, the topic your daughter covered is age appropriate.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 06/12/2021 19:13

I’ve always been more open with my children so that nothing is weird to talk about and they weren’t surprised at school. DD knew everything from around 3 as she always followed me into the bathroom and the usual 159million questions would follow that! What’s that? Why do you have that? What’s it do? Who, how, which, what, where…on and on and on! Used to drive me potty. But certainly meant she wasn’t embarrassed or worried about anything as it had been normalised. She though the “how you make babies” thing was a huge joke I’d made and laughed herself silly. DH came home and she told him her new “joke”🤦‍♀️

MadgeMak · 06/12/2021 19:17

If you'd been open, factual and age appropriate with your daughter from day 1 then you wouldn't be in this position now. My daughter has known about periods from a very young age, they are just a normal part of life to her. Your daughter is scared because you have felt too prudish to even let her see a box of tampons, but you can undo this by being more forthcoming from now on. If you don't feel comfortable showing her the full nitty gritty, at least be open and talk about periods in a matter of fact way with no shame attached.

ScreamIfYouWantToEatPasta · 06/12/2021 19:19

I'm a year 4 primary school teacher. The most upset children I've ever seen were the girls who got their period for the first time in school and had no clue what was happening. I remember one really sweet, naive girl who was convinced she was dying.

Whatever your own opinions about when a girl should start menstruating, your owe your daughter a calm, reasoned explanation. No need for her to be upset; if you make this a dramatic event, imagine what she'll think your response will be if she ever had to talk to you about something genuinely distressing.

NerrSnerr · 06/12/2021 19:20

@Changernamerjoker

My dd is 9 and doesn’t have a hint of puberty about her, I think this is also why I’m a bit shocked that this is all ‘so normal’ surely the period is the last bit to come? She often roams around totally starkers and looks like a 6 year old to me. I just can’t see 9 year olds getting periods from my own experiences, apologies that this seems to offend so many of you.
It doesn't offend anyone- people are just stating facts. Not all girls will start puberty when they're 8, but some will. The school can't wait until later as they can't predict who will start developing when.

At 8 they're old enough to start to process puberty and that their body will change in the future.

You need to stop considering it shameful. It's just biology and it'll happen to all of them.

Autumncoming · 06/12/2021 19:22

I'm a y4 teacher and this is exactly what we teach. I give parents a heads up exactly what is being taught and when but a school isn't required to do that; we're just teaching the curriculum.
I teach boys and girls together as it's something everyone needs to know about. It's done very sensitively with a lot of discussion about being kind, sensible etc.
I always have at least one girl who starts her periods in my class so I consider it very important learning, but also good that I've talked to them as a class about it so they aren't embarrassed if they need any help individually.