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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Sex education year 4

197 replies

Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 17:59

Hello - just trying to gauge of what happened was ok today.

Daughter is in year 4 and they started learning about puberty. We had started planning on bringing this up ourselves, but school has pipped us to the post.

So daughter learned about periods, breast development, BO, hair growth as well as what happened to the boys.

Boys and girls stayed in the same
Class (girls and boys were separated for this in my
Day, is that not longer done?)

They also discussed ‘the boys worms getting to the egg’ but my daughter has no clue how that happens. I obviously need to explain this to her tonight (feel a bit taken by surprise)

Daughter is both confused and upset.

Parents were not given the heads up on this lesson plan.

Is this right? Do schools just do this now with our parental consent?

DD is in the private sector if that matters?

OP posts:
MadgeMak · 06/12/2021 20:19

Well I remember conversations that I had with my peers at a similar age and my experience is different to yours. Just because you didn't feel fine about it doesn't mean that that is everyone's experience, be that 20 years ago or today. Maybe you should reflect on your own arrogance.

ItsAlwaysThere · 06/12/2021 20:19

What is anti periods? I certainly didn't call you that! As for swearing, calm down, it wasn't 'at you'.

Your experiences sound horrific and I'm sure that if you had mentioned this very important piece of backstop earlier, you may have had more gentle responses which would be more understanding of your anxiety.

However, I do still think that whatever your experiences, you need to open communication with your daughter about her body. Because if she does end up with pain and trouble, and I truly hope she doesn't as it sounds awful, then it would be an even bigger shock.

Wishing you well.

titchy · 06/12/2021 20:20

Additionally, I’ve said a few times I agree she is underprepared.

I personally do not think I’ve made a mistake.

That's a contradiction surely? Confused You have made a mistake, and one which has resulted in her being unprepared and quite frightened of a normal bodily process.

titchy · 06/12/2021 20:21

I am sorry your periods are so awful though, it sounds like hell ThanksSad

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 20:22

@FudgeSundae

To me, it’s weird that you’re having this reaction when you have horrific periods. My mum was like you and never talked about any of this. When I started, I would bleed through a pad in 30 minutes, easily. My mum wouldn’t let me use tampons and I had no idea this kind of heavy flow wasn’t normal. I will absolutely be telling my girls EVERYTHING so they never have to deal with what I had to without help. I get that you don’t want to upset your DD but you need to help her! Which it sounds like you are now Smile
Read the questions and thread.

School spoke to the kids with out giving the parents the heads up. They discussed conception also.

My daughter learned about periods today and conception.

I’ve actually spoken to her at length today and she has been sad and shocked by periods. She’s actually ok about the idea of sex. She can and does speak to me anyway. I will answer any and every question she has today and ever after.

I’m not saying I want her to live in secrecy and to never discuss this with her ever.

I’m saying she learned about this today and the idea has shocked her (my fault for under preparing her)

I was asking if school can have these
Conversations with our parental permission.
It’s seems they can.

I’ve also learned tonight we are ‘supposed’ to show our kids our periods. Can I respectfully say that’s fine if you want to but it’s not for everyone.

OP posts:
santabetterwashhishands · 06/12/2021 20:25

My 7 year old knows all about periods and she wasn't phased at all.
I haven't discussed with her how babies are made yet but she has asked last week and I told her we would sit down after Christmas and I will tell her in a way she feels informed but not frightened.
My parents told me nothing and I was shocked when the nurse visited school and gave out tampons and told us about periods and I'd hate for my daughter to feel that way too.

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 20:26

@titchy

Additionally, I’ve said a few times I agree she is underprepared.

I personally do not think I’ve made a mistake.

That's a contradiction surely? Confused You have made a mistake, and one which has resulted in her being unprepared and quite frightened of a normal bodily process.

I never said you made a mistake…

You declared loud and proud that I had made a mistake. I simply suggested that maybe not all kids are as fine as they tell you that they are and it’s worth checking in from time to time. Myself and my peers certainly didn’t tell our parents our fears… kids don’t tell you everything…

OP posts:
Cuwins · 06/12/2021 20:28

In terms of giving parents a heads up/seeking permission: I believe for our year 5's permission isn't sort- puberty is part of the national curriculum just like electricity or healthy eating so a child can't be withdrawn from it. I believe our parents were told they were going to be discussing it but not sure if that's the norm as being special needs there is a lot more daily communication anyway.
Year 6 when the basics of sex is started I believe we did have to seek permission for and a child could have been withdrawn.

SquirtleSquad · 06/12/2021 20:31

8 is absolutely normal. We teach about periods before this in my school. The age is getting younger and younger very quickly due to bmi rising and all of the addition hormones and chemicals in food/drink.

43leftfeet · 06/12/2021 20:34

@Changernamerjoker

My dd is 9 and doesn’t have a hint of puberty about her, I think this is also why I’m a bit shocked that this is all ‘so normal’ surely the period is the last bit to come? She often roams around totally starkers and looks like a 6 year old to me. I just can’t see 9 year olds getting periods from my own experiences, apologies that this seems to offend so many of you.
You have your head in the sand!

I got my period at 10, over 35 years ago.

My 8.75 year old is just starting to develop small breast buds.

Your DD needs to know about periods so she's not traumatised when it happens.

My mum has clearly explained periods to me so I knew what it was when I got it at 10, it was no big deal.

Imagine how terrified you might feel if you discovered you were bleeding from your vagina with no idea it was normal?

Why would you risk putting your DD through that?

I think this is why the Samaritans was set up, I'll see if I've remembered correctly and come back, one sec...

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 20:37

So now my daughter needs Samaritans because at the age of 9 she learned about periods (before she got hers)

No Samaritans wasn’t set up because a mim failed to tell her daughter about periods

www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/our-history/

OP posts:
43leftfeet · 06/12/2021 20:41

Yes, that's right.

The Samaritans was set up by a reverend after he buried a 13 year old who killed herself when she got her period for the first time. She didn't know what it was and thought she had an STD.

Please, tell your DDs about periods. No, I'm not saying they risk suicide if you don't, but I am saying the experience of menstruating if you don't know what it is can be traumatic - but it doesn't have to be.

43leftfeet · 06/12/2021 20:43

[quote Changernamerjoker]So now my daughter needs Samaritans because at the age of 9 she learned about periods (before she got hers)

No Samaritans wasn’t set up because a mim failed to tell her daughter about periods

www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/our-history/[/quote]
The Samaritans may not have it on their page - ironically probably because of shame about talking about periods, we still have a long way to go - but it's widely reported, eg in this obituary for Rev. Varah in the Guardian. It says

"In 1935, Varah had conducted his first funeral, as an assistant curate in Lincoln, for a 13-year-old girl who had taken her own life, fearing she had venereal disease and would die a slow, painful and shameful death. In fact, the girl had started to menstruate. Varah vowed at her graveside to devote himself to helping other people overcome the sort of isolation and ignorance that had caused the girl to kill herself."

www.theguardian.com/news/2007/nov/08/guardianobituaries.obituaries3

Fritilleries · 06/12/2021 20:45

Let's all go and make a cup of tea in the real world. And breathe. Cake

43leftfeet · 06/12/2021 20:46

This is a great book about periods, written for 9 year olds, by the way:

My Period: Find your flow and feel proud of your period! by Milli Hill

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1526363372/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_g_CME6J83PAAEESSK6AK41?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 20:46

@43leftfeet

Yes, that's right.

The Samaritans was set up by a reverend after he buried a 13 year old who killed herself when she got her period for the first time. She didn't know what it was and thought she had an STD.

Please, tell your DDs about periods. No, I'm not saying they risk suicide if you don't, but I am saying the experience of menstruating if you don't know what it is can be traumatic - but it doesn't have to be.

I have told her. The school have told her. She bloody knows!

I simply asked - does the school need parental permission. Jesus!

Read before posting perhaps. Your post is truest
Abhorrent because it’s a mile away from the questions I asked.

OP posts:
Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 20:49

And it wasn’t just about periods it was about sex education - they told her about conception but not intercourse. She has naturallyCome home full of questions. So I wanted to know what they can and can’t tell her with out parental consent.

Mumnet managed to turn this into ‘your a terrible mother and your kid will kill herself because you refuse to tell her about periods’

What a bunch of lunatic keyboard warriors you are.

OP posts:
43leftfeet · 06/12/2021 20:51

Are you always this OTT?

Threads move on, this is a discussion forum. My post was related to you last comment, not your original question. And I was trying to be helpful. If you can't see that I can't be arsed to explain it to you.

Go well.

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 20:55

I take it from that you are sorry for your Samaritans comment, you were uninformed as you hadn’t read the thread properly and cleared you were totally over the top with mentioning suicide. Perhaps?!

OP posts:
santasmuma · 06/12/2021 20:56

Daughter is both confused and upset.

Why?

Surely anything she didn't pick up on correctly you can simply explain - why is she upset?

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 21:00

Why do you all fine it weird that periods upset her?

Do you all love bleeding every month or something?

Bleeding every month is a bit shit and she’s bummed that will happen to her. Why is that weird?

OP posts:
43leftfeet · 06/12/2021 21:01

@Changernamerjoker

I take it from that you are sorry for your Samaritans comment, you were uninformed as you hadn’t read the thread properly and cleared you were totally over the top with mentioning suicide. Perhaps?!
No, I'm not sorry for it. It's the truth, and a useful illustration of why we need to tell girls about their periods before they get them. Telling this poor girl's story will do some good if reading about it inspires some parents to inform their DDs about menstruation. Hundreds of people are likely reading this thread, not only you and me.

As I explained, I'm not saying if we don't tell our DDs about periods they'll commit suicide, but I am saying if we don't, it could be traumatising for them.

Why on earth should I apologise for that?

ItsAlwaysThere · 06/12/2021 21:02

@43leftfeet

Are you always this OTT?

Threads move on, this is a discussion forum. My post was related to you last comment, not your original question. And I was trying to be helpful. If you can't see that I can't be arsed to explain it to you.

Go well.

This is why I like discussion. It would be boring if we could all only talk about the original matter.
Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 21:03

Start your own thread in that subject left feet.

It’s not for here.

OP posts:
43leftfeet · 06/12/2021 21:03

@Changernamerjoker

Why do you all fine it weird that periods upset her?

Do you all love bleeding every month or something?

Bleeding every month is a bit shit and she’s bummed that will happen to her. Why is that weird?

I suggest you read Milli Hill's book about period positivity, that I linked up thread.

My DD is looking forward to getting her periods after reading it.