Sex education year 4

[Changernamerjoker]

Hello - just trying to gauge of what happened was ok today.

Daughter is in year 4 and they started learning about puberty. We had started planning on bringing this up ourselves, but school has pipped us to the post.

So daughter learned about periods, breast development, BO, hair growth as well as what happened to the boys.

Boys and girls stayed in the same
Class (girls and boys were separated for this in my
Day, is that not longer done?)

They also discussed ‘the boys worms getting to the egg’ but my daughter has no clue how that happens. I obviously need to explain this to her tonight (feel a bit taken by surprise)

Daughter is both confused and upset.

Parents were not given the heads up on this lesson plan.

Is this right? Do schools just do this now with our parental consent?

DD is in the private sector if that matters?

@Changernamerjoker

I know it’s possible that some girls can start their period at 9, so I get why they do it, but isn’t 12-13 about average? I think the heads up would have been good as I had bought a book and actually planned to start this conversation over the week (just didn’t get around to it) so was thinking of doing it this weekend but I’ve been pipped by the school. I think I would have preferred for her to learn some of the basics in a safer environment- and not with boys around. She was really embarrassed and schooled - but I take on some of that responsibility because I guess she should have been better prepared?!

We used to send the letter home about how we supported girls having their period in school at the beginning of Y5.

You’ve not been pipped by the school, they have opened the discussion, and since you have the book it would be a perfect time this weekend to sit down and go over everything with her. There are probably lots of things she didn’t understand, that were explained badly, or misheard. Talking it over with you and knowing that she has the book to refer back to will be a very positive and re inforcing lesson for her. There will no doubt be lots of versions of the talk going round at school, arm her with accurate facts that she can understand.

You might also consider talking to her about different sorts of sanitary protection,pads, period pants, etc and maybe getting one of the started packs many companies offer.

Totally normal although they shouldn’t have called Sperm worms, they should have used the correct scientific terms.
My DD knew all this stuff before it came up at school from a great book called ‘where do I come from’.
The less fuss you make and the more upfront you are about the science it really shouldn’t worry them at 8.

I may be missing the point, but I’d be more upset they were calling sperm “worms!”

Hi, I came across this thread by accident, I am not even a mother yet, (trying my hardest to get there), but I think the school should let parents know, not just about this subject but generally what's going on, what's going to be taught to kids each school year. Just so parents are in the know, and included.

I think you should have talked about these things long ago. Yabu to think this is in anyway wrong or upsetting. Just be matter of fact, why wouldn't you be?

When I told my mum I got my period she stopped the car and hugged me, and told me I was a woman! It was lovely. Then she bought me lots of treats and painkillers and products. It felt like a special thing not a shit thing. Yes periods aren't ideal, they are a pain in the bum but they don't have to be awful ( and that's from someone who gets migraines, has endo and crippling pain fairly regularly).

I am utterly appalled that you have a daughter and have never allowed her to see period products. So she has no clue because of you. And now you've made it into a "big thing".

My boys were used to seeing tampons and pads from an early age (as young as 18 months) and I told them in age appropriate terms what they were.

Yes school should have given you a heads up so you were prepared. But YOU should have been talking to your daughter so that SHE is prepared.

IsabelHerna Most schools I know have their topics for each year available on their websites, often divided by subject. I'd definitely expect a private school to have one up alongside the PSHE policy and similar. Some still give out letters or even to send home printed out versions of what's put online, but some expect parents to look it up themselves.

@Changernamerjoker I'd recommend the My Little Red Book - www.mylittleredbook.net/ - as a way to help a girl see that there is a wide range of feelings and experiences around menstruation and that however she feels is normal. My DD1 got a lot more from that than the typical puberty books.

Girls menstruating doesn't make them not children - it starts roughly halfway through puberty so very much still kids even biologically. Girls who menstruate are still innocent and it's important to treat them and the topic accordingly.

It's also important to know that if a child of that age does have vaginal bleeding that there can be other causes and to build that type of open communication about bodies. For some it's natural hymen tearing from activities, for others it can be a sign of abuse, but the history of not talking about it has long caused issues for young girls who are treated as less innocent or disgusting if they discuss vaginal bleeding, particularly around boys. That happened to me when I was your daughter's age, and how I was treated because I'd openly discussed finding blood in the toilet to a boy to ask if he'd go with me to the nurse's office still stings at times because of how adults treated me after.

I am extremely private about periods and they don’t see the products or anything

I've always kept a shelf with pads and tampons by the toilet just like toilet paper in case one of my kids' friends might start while in my home or any other guests were caught out, even though I use cloth. I used water to show my kids how they absorb when they were about your daughter's age and showed my daughters the company I buy cloth pads from, we looked through them and I discussed that when they start, if they want, I'll buy them a set. My DD1 has some with pretty pink flowers all over it.

Yeah, menstuation sucks, but there are ways to help girls feel they have some control and it won't be as big a transition or a change in who they are as some adults and media makes it out to be.

If your DD is this upset and disturbed by learning about periods then this will unfortunately be coming from you, regardless of how carefully you're phrasing things. I remember my mum giving me the 'facts of life' talk and she was very factual but her discomfort with the whole conversation still came across and it made me far less comfortable with the whole thing myself. It was just subtle cues that made me feel that way as she was clearly doing her best (she's also naturally quite prudish).

It's very natural that if you have a really bad time with your periods, you feel the way you do about them but your daughter will be sensing the fact that you think it's sad/horrific. I have no idea why your schoolfriends were equally horrified - maybe you just whipped each other up into a bit of a frenzy? I'm the same age as you and while the whole puberty and periods thing were a novelty and quite embarrassing (for me anyway - but maybe I'm projecting that as obviously that's what I got from home) - nobody was horrified or traumatised as far as I'm aware.

The fact that this is now going to make you talk about these things is the very reason that it needs to be discussed in school. Imagine how scared your DD would be if her period had started and she knew nothing. Im sorry but you need to step up.

MY GD didn’t find these lessons upsetting at all. She came to us for tea and told us all about what she had learnt. When she asked us how the sperm gets to the egg we told her mummy was the expert and she should ask her! Then we texted mummy to warn her. We were happy to answer but knew that DiL would prefer to tell her. My GD is 10 and her body is already changing.

Oh everyone, I’m not going to be coming back into this thread again.

To clarify. I have never said I refused to talk about this with my daughter, the school pipped me to the post that’s all. So ensure you’ve done with with your kids in year 3 because the school could do it during the first term of year 4.

My daughter is at a private school - it’s also a specialist school. I won’t go into the needs they cater for. I’m sure I’ll be slated some how. I just wanted to know if it was right for them to bring this subject up before giving me the patent the heads up.

I am private about periods, that’s my prerogative. I don’t expect daughter to hide hers from me, and I know she won’t. I intend to be there for her every step of the way, but we won’t be casually discussing her blood clots at the dinner table with my husband and her brother - we have a very different manner in our house but be assured my daughter knows the ins and out and what to expect a hell of a lot better than I did at her age, and she will be fully supported. We likely won’t be celebrating, I intend to follow her lead and see what she needs when the time comes.

Now all please kindly stop being ‘disgusted in my parenting’ and being internet trolls. Some of your comments have been foul and abusive at best. You clearly haven’t read the thread and have made up your own insane minds about which this tread is about.

Your judgment shocks me, and I understand why people can be so deeply sadden by internet trolls after reading some of your judgemental and misconstrued comments.

Op my dd is just turned 8 and in y3 I haven’t told her about sex nor do I want to yet. I told her about periods but that’s only because she’s very nosy about all items in the bathroom cabinet. If she wasn’t inquisitive I’d have left it a bit a longer. I would be annoyed if school discusses sex with her without telling me first so thank you for this post. I probably should ask when they’ll be covering this

In the States, some authorities claim one needs to weight 100 pounds before periods can start. It’s not true at all. Height isn’t a good indicator, either. My mother(b.1937) and I (b.1970) we’re both around 140 cm at menarche.

I completely understand your feelings OP, it’s all shockingly early these days, and no wonder we’re taken aback.

Letting kids be kids for as long as possible, is really important in our hyper-sexualised society.

Alot of people don’t seem to care about that & the mental health of kids. No wonder kids are suffering from so much anxiety & serous mental health problems.

You've done absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong, apart from protect your little girl. I’ve done the same and am worried about school giving too much info too early.

Processed foods & mass-produced meats contain hormones and steroids - so early periods are a sad reflection of our poor eating habits.
Pleased to say we avoid processed meat, mainly vegetarian and organic.

ZOMBIE THREAD

Puberty has been on the school hose curriculum for years. Puberty matters discussed in years 3 -5 increasing in detail each time, and year 5-6 they move on to sex and the mechanics of it all.

Dd is 21y and did all this in years 3-6 so it's definitely been on the curriculum a fair few years now. It wasn't new when she did it.

They don't separate girls and boys for it these days. It's important both sexes know what happens to each other.

Leaving the puberty talk to the end of year 4 is late for you as a parent to have left it tbh.
Dd started her periods at 10y, puberty starting to show signs from year 3.

Ah - didn't check date!

I don't mean to sound rude but you need to get better at this. I went to school in the 90s and my friend got her period at 12 and was one of the latest to start. We had access to the sanitary bin and supplies in primary. One girl started at 9 and her mum hadn't told her anything. She was traumatised.

Frankly lots of stuff happens young now and you need to get past being prudish to encourage open and honest communication between you. She needs to feel she can talk to you about anything without you clutching your pearls. Even back in the 90s we had three pregnant girls at 14.

In addition, kids do talk about periods and sex on the primary playground.

Just to say OP no judgement from me, I think you’re incredibly reasonable and this thread is full of misguided angry people trying to justify their own decisions by commenting negatively on yours xx

ZOMBIE THREAD!