Please don't 'baby' your children

[pineapple95]

Where do I start?

Parents of my y3/4 class routinely carry their children's bags in, take their lunch bags to the hall, hand in letters and money, put their reading diaries and spelling books in the right places on the right days, linger in the corridor chatting ... for goodness sake MAKE YOUR CHILD LOOK AFTER THEIR STUFF!

7-9 year olds can carry bags and remember books. Don't baby them. Even 3 year olds can carry their bags - don't be that parent who mollycoddles their children.

What's amusing is the nasty judgment on this thread, but the reality is that schools needs to send 3 or 4 reminders to parents for them to do anything. It seems that many parents are so keen to teach their kids independence and not be involved in the school life at all that they can't be bothered to do the smallest things the school asks them to do.

I’m not suggesting it should be done for them. I teach my children to be independent. But sometimes, you know what, I will help them!
It was the tone of some posters that I was reacting to really. It felt a bit all or nothing!

CaveMum
my children preschool was the same, they also had a PE bag and were learning to put their PE kig on and off so they were completely ready to start reception.

Even when the kids dress themselves at home, it's useful for them to practice in a school environment and to remember to pack their bags properly and not lose socks or tshirts along the way.

I didn't rrealise you are a teacher from OP. ( Sorry I am non native.)
I totally agree with children need to be as independent as they can. But each child is different. Like I said in my first comment, I don't baby my ds, and he is normally very independent. But he has some difficulty, and needs a bit of support. It's kind of sad to hear comments like this from the teacher, who sees many different children with different maturity every year.

My dd is dyslexic and hasn’t changed her book in 3 weeks because she doesn’t remember to change it. She loses cardigans, lunch boxes, water bottles on a daily basis. She just can’t remember, plan or organise herself but I’m not allowed to come in to help her sort herself and the teachers don’t help. Yet again this one size fits all attitude penalises children with SEN.

Oh and she’s dyspraxic so can’t do buttons and shoe laces easily.

I had a parent who refused to let her child walk to school on his own- even in Year 6 when he lived literally 2 houses down the road. She would watch him on the playground and phone in if she saw him trip over-to make sure he was alright. if the weather got a little chilly during the day, she would bring in an extra jumper and his gloves in case he got cold, she carried his book bag and water bottle to and from school for him and-even in year 6 came in to hang his coat up( despite being told not to, she always had a reason why she needed to come into the school!) He had no Special Needs.
When he moved on to secondary school, she sold the house and moved in opposite that one too-she was still accompanying him across the minor road in Year 7!

From a safeguarding point of view, why is your school allowing adults to wander in and out of school? I agree by the way. I think some people just have too much time on their hands.

I think teachers should stick to teaching and not have the cheek to tell parents how to parent their children.

Every day teachers have to deal with the consequences of parents failing to parent their children properly. So it's not surprising they have an opinion about the basic things a school child should be able to be relied upon to do.

Also, many parents seem perfectly happy to tell teachers how to do their job. The majority of teachers are probably parents too, or at least have spent a lot of time with children, so are not unqualified to comment on parenting. The majority of parents, however, are not qualified teachers and don't know a thing about teaching.

Totally agree with you OP. I have always got my DCs to carry their own stuff - if we go out for the day they take a ruck sack, I’m not carrying 3 bottles of water, 3 discarded coats, phones etc - if they bring it they can carry it.

Went on holiday once with a friend and our 5 DCs, where I insisted each child carry their own towel to the water park. Friend carried their DCs’ towel because at 6 years old they couldn’t be expected to do it themselves, then gave them a piggy back all the way there, as obviously they couldn’t walk either

As a childminder, I often have 6/7 kids with me and when one asked me to carry their school bag I’d point out that I couldn’t carry 7 bags, so no, each child could take their own! (Unless they had a heavy PE bag as well as their regular bag, for example).

It’s just setting them up to be responsible for their own stuff.

My dd’s School (when they were at primary) would not let parents come in, the bell would go and soon as the kids were lined up with a teacher you had to leave so they went in without you. Reception kids were allowed parents to go in for the first term and then had to go in alone.

I had a yr 4 child whose mum would bring him in every morning and then he would stand like a doll chatting to me while mum took his bag off, took his reading book out and anything else he needed, hung his bag up, unzipped his coat and took it off and any hat/scarf/gloves and hang them all up, put his lunch box on the trolley and then lead him to his seat before kissing and cuddling and finally leaving! It was crazy! I kept trying to cojole them to change, but to no avail. The following yr she was still doing it until her work hours changed and she just dropped off and he started to expect the TA to do while he stood there useless! It took him a long time to learn how to sort himself out int he morning - which could have been avoided if mum had trained him a bit earlier!

I do find this completely ridiculous. You can teach your children to be responsible for their own stuff, but forcing them to carry heavy bag is just plain wrong.

I much prefer teaching them to help the ones who need it. My DH wouldn't let me carry the shopping or my heavy suitcase if he's with me, he would also carry his mother's and his father's even now that he is elderly. Basic manners and basic kindness should be taught from a young age, so I am more than happy to carry bags of the little ones.

My kids also learn to leave their seats to adults. There's independence and there's kindness and manners.

forcing them to carry heavy bag is just plain wrong

No. Children develop muscle strength by carrying bags.

My kids are very capable and very independent, but I've been known to carry their bags for them, especially if it's super hot or they are very tired. Cause I'm an adult and stronger and I can and it's kind. Sometimes my OH will carry my bag for me for a bit on a day out, again, a kindness.

I've always got them to sort out age appropriate stuff where they can, but also always been there to help out if required. As I'm a parent and it takes a while to work out how to navigate the world, and it's incredibly special to be able to do that for them. As an adult I wish I still had a parent to turn to sometimes, someone to share the load or give advice, but I don't.

No. Children develop muscle strength by carrying bags.
you might want to have a word with health professionals about that one.

I would much prefer parents to teach their kids to blow their nose cleanly in a hankie than focusing on bags who are bad for their backs.

It's a huge safeguarding concern to have parents/grandparents/minders milling around a school where there are unaccompanied children. It happened all the time at my DC's previous school and that parent taking up the teacher's time discussing a reading book means the teacher can't get on with dealing with the kids.
Massive red flag

It seems a school policy issue and frankly odd that they let parents in

letters though - if important I do hand into the office

Your school sounds in need of organisation, OP.

I see it as the school is doing things wrong rather than parents doing things wrong. At our primary, they are allowed into the playground, escort to the door and enter the classroom in ks1. Not anymore in ks2.
So, if some children needs a bit of support for sen, they will get it, not dismissed as parents babying them.

nonagrey well someone has to be dropping the child off either at breakfast club or at school start, so working parents just send the money and slips in with whoever that is. It might be different for KS2.

Not allowing parents in the classroom seems like the way forward. Also allowing backpacks from EYFS; once they’re on their backs, they tend to stay on!

It's a safeguarding issue to have unchecked adults in unsupervised areas with children other than their own, and without their parents permission (i.e. different to a playdate). Cloakrooms, toilets, classrooms where there is no/distracted teacher - it is definitely not best practice for an adult to be there with someone's child.
Your child's football/swimming/netball coach will have an enhanced CRB/DBS check which provides some basic assurance.
Parents should stay off the school's premises unless under formal circumstances: plays, accompanied trips to classroom etc.

I think OP is very young

I see no evidence for that ZzZ

And I don’t see the relevance of your post to the discussion. The OP isn’t telling you not to teach your kids to be helpful to others.

She’s merely suggesting that it’s a good idea to teach your kids to be responsible for their own things and to be minimally organised.

I really don’t see what’s so offensive about that?