Please don't 'baby' your children

[pineapple95]

Where do I start?

Parents of my y3/4 class routinely carry their children's bags in, take their lunch bags to the hall, hand in letters and money, put their reading diaries and spelling books in the right places on the right days, linger in the corridor chatting ... for goodness sake MAKE YOUR CHILD LOOK AFTER THEIR STUFF!

7-9 year olds can carry bags and remember books. Don't baby them. Even 3 year olds can carry their bags - don't be that parent who mollycoddles their children.

I don't know why it's seen so awful to carry bags for children. I carried my teens bags for them when they were in primary school and now they carry my bags when we go shopping. Some days mine have three or four bags plus a form to carry.

The other stuff is easily avoidable by changing school policy. At my kids school they line up in the yard with all necessary bags/form/money before entering the building. The teacher greets them taking in forms. The children put any money in a tub on a table just inside the door, they hang up coats and kit bags, put lunch bags on the trolley and book bags in the box.
Parents can only go into the office not the classrooms/cloakrooms.

Our school didn't let parents beyond the school gates unless they were volunteers due in that day.

A friend once complained the school weren't making sure her DS was bringing both gloves or his coat home. He just left them everywhere. Years later on pick up at the end of school day we still come across a coat of his in the playground every now and then, dumped there at one of the break times.
I told her that when mine forgot their coat they were sent in the next day without it, even in the snow. They would remember it then. Same with jumpers. She then said "Oh DS doesn't lose his jumper. Poor boy sits there all day, sweat dripping off him!"
Shocked I informed her the school allows pupils to remove their jumpers! She told me, "Oh no, the teacher won't take it off for him. My poor boy has to suffer!"

He was 7. My kids had been dressing themselves from two years old and her boy couldn't (wouldn't) take a jumper off himself? Crazy. I told her he needed to learn some independence because the teacher is busy teaching 30 kids and can't be messing about dressing one child.

If schools keep the kids in the playground until 8:50, then take them in class by class without parents, they will be come more responsible.
It’s not the parents fault necessarily if the school encourages parents to come in and help the kids whilst the teacher finishes off bits for the day ahead and chats to parents etc.

My dd must also have been broken in year 3 as she didn’t remember to hand things in so I used to get her to hold notes af this age. Funnily enough she remembered from year 5 onwards. Summer born child. Must be defective. Sad how all the children aren’t clones.

She still forgets her water bottle and packed lunch very occasionally in yr6. Possibly because she’s still defective.

Cannot understand what the problem with parents carrying a book bag is?

DBoyfriend likes to carry bags for me and I'm iny 50s. It's a caring gesture.

What a mean attitude to both parents and children, I hope you don’t have a go at the poor children for not being perfectly organised at 7 years old hearing shit like this from teachers makes me dread sending my DD to school :(

Some days I help some days I don’t. Some days we barely get out the door so I end up doing stuff. Sometimes my 7 year old makes his own lunch and carries it to school. Sometimes he needs me to do more and other days he wants me to do more.

Children are humans. There is a whole range of stuff I can do but sometimes I like it when my partner does it. Why would my 7 year old be different.

pineapple95

That's maybe not a bad approach for NT kids but what about the kids with SN/SEN, the ones who because of their disabilities simply cannot do all of that.

You know, the ones teachers 'don't see', the ones teachers penalise because they can't keep up with their peers. Those kids.

Emily, clearly he had some sort of SEN/sensory/memory issues. But it is common for kids to not care about taking jumpers off. Certainly dd never removed hers almost the whole of yr r even though she could. Same with tracksuit bottoms she never takes them off.
Billywig, he is then almost a year older than classmates and almost as old as yr 1 kids! Possibly 12m younger than some yr 2.
I think sending kids to school at 4 some wont have been ready for the indeoendence forced on them. Overtiredness etc causes adhd type symptoms and so some will be extra careless. Parents then getting involved it is hard to step back.
1- parents carry bags because you cant put book bags on your back
-kids want hands free to pick up stones etc

• cycling/scooting with a book bag
• they need a hand to hold for crossing road

2 how do you propose a hand for bag, crossing, and another of change for dressing up and letters... 3 so many kids/parents dont care about lost uniform my top priority is not to lose stuff as it is gone. I agree independence is ideal so lets get rid of stupid book bags.

Oh and once they can write encourage completing reading diary themself. And selecting the book themself.

You dont mention why it bothers you so much?

Well come back to us when you have a class full of 7 year olds that have forgotten everything you need them to have for the day because they left it at home, you can have a rant about how neglectful their parents are then eh?

My son is 7 and quite independent. However he struggles opening bananas and doing up school shirt buttons. I'd be very disappointed if his teacher was moaning about helping her pupils now and then with things.
Also we are allowed walk our children to their table in their classroom until they are 7. We aren't shooed away from the school gates. Not all children are the same, some like and need the reassurance of a parent seeing them to their class room.
When did we become so dispassionate?

100 years ago these kids would have been in the mill /down the pit/doing housework whilst looking after 17 siblings.

Now, I'm not saying that is a good thing, but they had the capacity to actually do things for themselves! I think they can carry their own bags.

That's maybe not a bad approach for NT kids but what about the kids with SN/SEN, the ones who because of their disabilities simply cannot do all of that. You know, the ones teachers 'don't see', the ones teachers penalise because they can't keep up with their peers. Those kids.

^^This definitely. Are you my sons teacher OP? The one who won't help my son with SNs get his homework in his bag ensuring it never gets done on time? She wants him to be more responsible too -with no consideration of meeting him where he's at in terms of capacity...

I carry dc bag because i want to and I can . If I'm tired or not well I don't. Sometimes my DH makes my lunch and reminds me that I need to take x to work (like cakes for a bake sale or a charger I took out). We do these things because we're a family and we look out for each other. That doesn't mean I linger for hours at drop off but if I need to speak to the teacher about something I will and they are happy to do that at the classroom door. I'm not sure teaching is for people who really dislike contact with parents is it?

Well I hope you aren't at a school my children have to go to.

Your job is to teach, not pass judgement of how parents choose to do their jobs.

I agree they should be ok doing this at 7. One of mine started in a school nursery in September and we've been informed that from January we are no longer allowed to help them into the classroom. Have to say goodbye outside. So all the 3 and 4 year olds have to take their own bags in, put their water bottles in the tray, school hats and bags in their cubbies. Same on the way out. My son is the oldest in the class so should be broadly ok, but they are in full uniform and even with the mums doing this stuff now, uniform is always going home with the wrong kid... I just know I'll be buying hats and jumpers bloody galore from Jan!

zzzzz

Please don’t tell parents how to parent their children. Your job is to educate them. Do that, and let them do their role. The best primary school I have ever had dealings with let parents in to classrooms and encouraged them to be part of the ins and outs of organising their day. By year 6, most were totally independent thoroughly helpful well mannered young people more than ready for secondary.

100% agree with this. Would like to add that it is important to not undermine parents and the very important role they have in their children's lives, just as you would not want anyone undermining your role as a teacher. It is disrespectful. Parents will vary in their parenting methods just as teachers vary in their teaching methods. Respect the boundaries.

Almostthere15 well said, 100% agree with you too.

As a mum to a 21yo DS (and others but I'm referring to this one), making your kids as independent and responsible for their lives and appropriate consequences, is so important.

He's a man now and boy has he struggled. If you ever think, it's easier to just do it myself, believe me, it's not easier in the long run.

Meh. I carry her bag, help unpack it, and say goodbye in the classroom. I'm happy doing this because they will come a day very soon when it won't be wanted by her. She is capable of doing, and could do it, but I enjoy doing it. Doesn't mean she has no resilience or independence.

Safeandwarm, you are my people

pineapple95 I agree with you 100%.

My DCs went to a K-8 (age 5-13/14) elementary school in the US. There was a preschool for 3and 4 year olds too, and all day wrap around care for students from 3 to 13/14.

Parents were not allowed to accompany children into the building, even at age 3.

Children lined up outside the school in the morning and were marched to the lockers outside their classrooms by teachers (3, 4, and 5 year olds had cubbies). They took off their outerwear and boots and class started promptly at 8. In the afternoon, they all put on their outerwear (including heavy duty winter wear when it got bitterly cold) and left the building, to be greeted by parents/ caregivers at the doors. Children were not released until the teachers manning the doors recognised the individual picking up the child. Each class always exited at its own specified door.

At lunchtime everyone in the building all day managed to get lunches and outerwear out of lockers and proceed to the lunchroom in class groups, suit up for outdoor play in all weather, and got back to their classrooms again for a prompt start to the afternoon schedule.

If you had forgotten your lunch you could get a sandwich in the lunchroom, or your friends might share their lunch with you. The school discouraged parents from bringing forgotten lunches. If you wanted to bring a lunch you could drop it off at the school office and the student would be paged to go and collect it at their lunchtime.

Full size lockers for every student meant you could stow your gym stuff, your art stuff and your outerwear and boots in the locker so nobody was left carrying bags of gear around the building all day (from 5th grade on all students moved from room to room for different classes) or looking like a pack horse on the way to school or home.

Children up to First grade (age 6 turning 7 average) wore their gym clothes to school on gym days. Gym clothes were shorts, t-shirt, sweatpants, sweatshirt depending on weather. This meant no time wasted changing and no loss of uniform items.

On Thursdays a folder was sent home with the oldest or only child from every family, containing information for the following week, any permission slips to be signed, and notification of money due for various events or collections. Parents sent the folder back on Friday, signed,and with any paperwork enclosed.

You could talk to the principal or to a teacher by phone, by email, or by letter. They always got back to you by the end of the next day at the latest. Parents did not buttonhole teachers at the doors because they were there doing a necessary job that involved the safety of the children and they knew that they could say whatever needed saying privately on the phone or by email.

The school ran like a well oiled machine.

Boundaries were respected all around. Everyone did their job and nobody trod on anyone else's toes.

It was great.

(I actually don't know a single school anywhere near me where parents can enter the building during the school day unless they are volunteering for some activity.)