Please don't 'baby' your children

[pineapple95]

Where do I start?

Parents of my y3/4 class routinely carry their children's bags in, take their lunch bags to the hall, hand in letters and money, put their reading diaries and spelling books in the right places on the right days, linger in the corridor chatting ... for goodness sake MAKE YOUR CHILD LOOK AFTER THEIR STUFF!

7-9 year olds can carry bags and remember books. Don't baby them. Even 3 year olds can carry their bags - don't be that parent who mollycoddles their children.

[Digestive28]

Just because they can doesn’t mean they should. I can make my own cup of tea but it’s lovely when someone offers to make one for me. My child can carry her book bag but it’s nice for me to carry it for her. In terms of teaching life lessons, I’m going to stick with it’s nice to be kind to others.

[Goposie]

You have no idea what is going on at home. You have no idea if the children have poor working memory.

[Zoflorabore]

Our school has separate infants and juniors playgrounds and drop offs were causing issues as too many parents ( and prams apparantely ) were in the way so this year as dd went into year 3 they changed the policy.

Instead of each class lining up in their respective playground, the whole school enters via the hall which opens onto the front. This is a small school of around 200 pupils and once inside they line up into individual classes. There is very little interaction from parents and the school encourage this.
Dd has a purse in her bag for snack money etc and she knows what day her homework is due in etc.

I did mollycoddle my older dc and it didn't help him so vowed I would encourage dd to be more independent.

[WereYouHareWhenIWasFox]

I mollycoddled both my children. My 13 year old travelled independently 4000 miles to spend a month with an exchange family and then travelled for a full year to Africa, Asia, Australia and South America starting at 17. The other one went to university 6500 miles away. They are now both able to carry their own bags and look after their own things, despite my obvious failings as a parent.

[Stopyourhavering64]

My dcs were getting the school bus at that age, and even on the odd occasion I did drive them to school, parents weren't allowed past the school gates

[eurochick]

Like others, I'm surprised you allow it. My child is the youngest in the reception class and after 2-3 weeks parents are encouraged not to come into the classroom, then to leave them on the ground floor, then in the playground. That's the point we are at now at the end of the first term. Eventually, there is a drop off system outside the school, so parents don't have to park - a teacher sees them from the car door into the playground.

[mathanxiety]

And there are many school districts where students get onto buses near their homes and that is as close as parents get to their schools during the school year. I live in a densely populated suburb where NT students are assumed to be able to get to school under their own steam so many parents drop off and pick up but this is not the case in many areas.

In my particular school district special ed provision is excellent. School buses pick up students with all sorts of IEPs, right outside their homes every day. Special ed students are bused home too. There are aides as needed for those mainstreamed.

[mathanxiety]

My DCs endured the heartless and cruel American system where mollycoddling is considered really weird, and were all able to get through each school year with the uniform they started out with. They went to university thousands of miles away, and as teens held down jobs and did babysitting, and volunteered in deprived areas of the US...

[Oceanbliss]

Beansonapost
Your job is to teach, not pass judgement of how parents choose to do their jobs.

Absolutely.

[mathanxiety]

But when the parents are choosing to do their jobs in your place of work, then I think it all gets a bit fuzzy.

Overall, I feel that there is more to education than just the Three Rs. Education imo also involves promoting self reliance and practicing habits as a parent that further that end.

[Marble2017]

My child is in year 5...sometimes I pack their bag sometimes I carry their bag! Would love to see how you would get on when 30 children all forgot stuff....why are parents allowed in school on a morning?

[ElektraLOL]

I think teachers should stick to teaching and not have the cheek to tell parents how to parent their children.

[ElektraLOL]

At my child's school we aren't allowed to go into the school with them even in reception. I'm thinking this must be a private school.

[user1499173618]

My DD went to school at 2.10. The only day I ever went into the classroom with her was the first day of school. After that and forever after she and all the other 1000 children in her school went in the main door on their own.

A parent’s place is firmly outside the school gates. Schools fabricate a false problem by letting parents into the buildings.

[Dimsumlosesum]

Schools fabricate a false problem by letting parents into the buildings

^^This.


We aren't allowed into the buildings. We have to drop our kids off, from reception age up, and they have to look after their own stuff. Your school shouldn't be letter parents in if they don't want them fannying about.

[HicDraconis]

I make my sons’ lunches, put them in their bags and will happily carry a bag in if either would like me to. DS1 is almost 13 and walks to his school from DS2’s primary school so I don’t often get the chance, but I always carry DS2’s bag if I can. DH makes sure I have my lunch, mobile and coffee-in-travel-mug before I walk out of the door - yes we could all do these things for ourselves but small acts of service to each other are part of how we express love. We all look out for each other and my boys are certainly not lacking in independence because I carry a bag for them once in a while.

I won’t tell you how to teach, so how about you don’t tell me how to parent.

[mathanxiety]

They are not telling parents how to parent their children. They are asking that parents allow the teachers to get on with the job the parents have apparently unwillingly entrusted to them at the time they are supposed to start.

They are asking for parents to allow them to manage their own classrooms first thing in the morning in the way they as professionals see fit, and not have the atmosphere in their classrooms dictated by parents and smaller siblings.

It is not unreasonable for teachers to expect parents to have taught certain behaviours at home. Among the behaviours it is not unreasonable to expect parents to teach is the ability to change clothing because that is part of some school days. Same goes for carrying bags around without losing them, if a school doesn't have lockers.

[IntoTheDeep]

Do you make allowances for children with known SEN?

My 7yr old DS has ASD and while I wish he’d do all the things in your OP, he can’t as yet.
The school have got a TA walking him into class in the morning because he won’t go by himself, and he’s not great at remembering what he’s supposed to be responsible for.

Apparently he’s still struggling to remember to put his coat on at the end of the day without his teacher reminding him about it.

And then there’s the more complicated stuff he’s meant to remember, for example reading books. The children are supposed to take responsibility for changing their own reading books now. DS’s reading books never get changed unless I send a note to his teacher about it, regardless of how many times I remind him before school. He just can’t seem to remember by himself that they need changing.

[Believeitornot]

While I agree, it doesn’t mean that children don’t still need a little bit of help and mind reminding every now and then.

The thing I hate is when teachers expect all children to be perfect all the time and if they make a mistake and forget, then they come down on them like a ton of bricks because they “should have” remembered.

We all have our moments, even as adults, so let’s not be wankers about it eh?

[user1499173618]

It is not unreasonable for teachers to expect parents to have taught certain behaviours at home

This is true. It is also true that children learn expected behaviours from one another pretty quickly once their parents get out of the way! I didn’t have time to teach my DD to tie her own shoelaces - her friend did. And my DD taught her friends other things that she had mastered before them.

[mathanxiety]

If a parent hasn't taught a child to wipe his or her own bottom or change clothes, do the parents expect the teacher to do all that for that child and forget about the job he or she is supposed to be doing and the other 29 children and the reason they are in school?

People here are asking teachers to stick to their jobs and not tell parents how to do theirs, but how much teacher time and energy is wasted picking up parents' slack, and how many other children are losing out as a result?

[user1499173618]

mathanxiety - this is where the French system is strong: three years of école maternelle that iron out the inevitable parenting differences between children.

[mathanxiety]

user1499173618

Very true. And also, when children realise there are high expectations they often rise to the occasion and feel great about their competence.

[user1499173618]

I think it is super important for school to be a “safe haven” from parental assistance. It does children no good at all to have their parents around to “help”.

[pissedonatrain]

@HicDraconis I'm curious what acts of service do you DSs do for you and DH?