Please don't 'baby' your children

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Where do I start?

Parents of my y3/4 class routinely carry their children's bags in, take their lunch bags to the hall, hand in letters and money, put their reading diaries and spelling books in the right places on the right days, linger in the corridor chatting ... for goodness sake MAKE YOUR CHILD LOOK AFTER THEIR STUFF!

7-9 year olds can carry bags and remember books. Don't baby them. Even 3 year olds can carry their bags - don't be that parent who mollycoddles their children.

I see it as the school is doing things wrong rather than parents doing things wrong.

And therein lies the problem. Parents are surely perfectly capable of deciding what is the best way to manage getting their child into school and developing their independence, without the school having to decide for them and put policies in place to manage parents' behaviour.

I went to an interesting talk by Gary Wilson who specialises in getting boys to achieve, and he stressed this. He said we particularly mollycoddle boys more so than girls (which isn't good for boys or girls!), and said it's really important to instil independence in boys, let them make their bags, do up their coats etc, not having sisters and mums do it.

Also I asked you why you sound so angry, OP. I want to know, since I have a child who may get on your nerves. He is perfectly independent and mature in one sense, and like a toddler in another. I am really interested to know how the teachers think about the child like my ds, who is very clever and may do you in some subject, but can be totally immature in the other.

*may out do you

I think teachers should stick to teaching and not have the cheek to tell parents how to parent their children.

I'm sure that they would love to 'stick to teaching', the situation is that they are very busy picking up the slack for poor parents, I would have loved to 'stick to teaching', I found the detritus that went with it so boring.

I see it as the school is doing things wrong rather than parents doing things wrong.

That should be the MN mission statement!

We don't go past the door (or the gate to reception playground, the teacher meets them there). Dd learned a harsh lesson when she repeatedly forgot to hand in a consent form which meant she couldn't take part in the activity. She will remember next time!!

I am not sure why carrying a book bag is considered important . My Ds has carried his since he started . He has hyper mobility but primary only ever had homework book , reading book and reading record. That said I was frequently in the classroom after school looking for jumpers , homework or dinner money I had sent in and he hadn’t handed in.

He is now in high school and it has generally come together.

Somewhere parents hat got the idea that is there job as I would if had no idea where to put this stuff so maybe you need a new approach for the new year

It sounds like your school system is at fault for allowing this. We are not allowed across the threshold in the morning from day 1 in Reception. There is a teacher or TA on the door to receive money or take notes about how little Jimmy is excused from PE. Reception kids have a ziplock bag for their planner and reading book which is put into a crate at the door and they go and hang up their outdoor stuff and bags by themselves. I carry my 4 yr old's book bag up the road for her, it is a stupid design that would drag on the floor if she carried it and is forever coming open because school insist she carries a full water bottle. As soon as they are allowed (juniors) I will swap to a rucksack and she can carry her own. My son is yr 4 and is hopelessly disorganised but we are trying, so I am that parent that is delving into his bag at pickup and sending him back to get his forgotten jumper, hand in the letter, pick up his planner. I completely agree that parents need to be working on moving kids towards independence, but having systems that encourage this would be a big help. My yr 7 travels by himself on the bus, remembers all his kit, organises his own homework, so I must be doing something right. I know for some of his peers secondary school was a big shock because they were too used to parents doing everything. Speak to your SLT, change the system, encourage more independence from EYFS upwards.

The issue with carrying school bags that are too heavy and therefore bad for children’s backs has got conflated with carrying anything! Primary school DC do not have a 20kg back pack.

'I think teachers should stick to teaching and not have the cheek to tell parents how to parent their children.'

Oh lord, there's always one. Or more than one as it turns out on this thread! OP, you stand accused of the hanging offence of being 'judgy'. Clearly despite your hours and days and years of overseeing morning drop offs in your classroom, you should have not formed any judgement at all about what is a help and what is a hindrance

And the person who asked OP how many children she has, well congratulations for being smug and stupid and possibly very hurtful

My parents never set foot in my primary schools apart from a once a year consultation. From five years old I set off to school on a bike. God knows how we managed books etc.

I don't see an issue with carrying a child's bag if they have a lot to carry, such as lunch, water bottle, homework book and reading folder. They should only be carrying 10-20% of their weight, so if you have a 16kg child, that is 1.6-3.2kg, including the weight of the bag.

This is so alien to me. 3 kids, 3 different primary schools, 1 state and 2 private. In none of the schools were parents allowed into the classrooms. At 2 of the schools we dropped the kids at the entrance to the playground and left, right from reception and in one we waited outside the classroom until year 2 but weren’t allowed inside.

I think teachers should stick to teaching and not have the cheek to tell parents how to parent their children.

The point is that children who are inadequately parented are much harder to teach.

I’ll parent my kids how I choose thank you very much

Knittink and tillytrotter1, I don't get what you mean, sorry my English isn't perfect.
I do appreciate school. I do try to do best for both school and for my ds.
And also understand some parents do things wrong. But what I tried to say was that some children do struggle with certain things, if you have a child who falls into the category of not regular/normal whatever year old they are, I think they do understand. And statement made by the OP who claims to be the teacher do hurt us.

Some children at the school I work at can't even use a knife and fork properly.....maybe if the parents are hanging around in corridors maybe they could pop into the lunch hall and cut there food up for them!! Some if the shit teachers have to put up with from parents is unbelievable.

I think part of the problem is that if a large proportion of the class need help with basic organisation then the teacher has less chance of being able to identify which children have difficulties and so need potential extra support and referral as opposed to those who have been over-supported but could do these things if left to it.

This makes things more difficult for children with SEN.

I think I ‘baby’ mine more than my parents did me. I do go in the classroom , as do other parents. Usually end up there at the end of the day looking for belongings - If I wait in the playground she’ll turn up with no jacket, water bottle , shoes etc. If I send her back in to the classroom she’ll get distracted and start playing in there. Would rather she was responsible for her own stuff but at Y3 still not happening .

Yabvu, they are still primary school children and need help with those kinds of things, when they get to Yr 5/6 than yes, and yes for Senior school. They are still little children, and will forget things. If it is money, I would rather hand it to the teacher myself, than rely on my 7/8 year old child to hand it in.

Aveeno2017, my ds has incredible skill with scissors but not with knife. I don't know why, he just struggles. And I am trying to teach him all the time. He just can't. But obviously you'd judge me I am a crap parent who won't even teach him how to use their knives.

I see on Mumsnet, that there is a desparation for kids to grow up before their time, and to be fully independent when they are still very young. There are some things that parents still need to do for kids as they are well kids! Primary kids can carry their bags, take their bottle, but I as a parent will give the teacher any important documents, or money that I need them to have, instead of relying on my young child thank you, it is my responsibility as a parent to do this, and not place this on my young child.

My parents did this type of thing when I was at Primary school, and as I got older into senior school I was given that responsibility, I lived in London, and was going places such as the cinema and ice skating and shopping via bus and tube with my friends at 14.

Hmmmm. A balance is needed between Molly coddling and neglect! I'm a high school teacher and we still get parents mollycoddling. It may seem like gender stereotypes but boys are often still very reliant on their mum's. Boys still underperform nationally compared to girls!

In the past few years we've had parents; arriving at the school office complaining about detentions and demanding their child is 'released' , complaining that an e cig was confiscated from her year 9 and insisting it was given back, justifying that swearing and bad behaviour in an exam was because their DS was bored and didn't like exams, a parent insisting that a full investigation/search of the school was done to find a missing coat of a 16 year old! The list goes on.
Kids need resilience, independence, self motivation and organisation, this has to start somewhere. My own DS has SEN issues and i remind him to remember homework and PE kit but a few detentions for forgetting remedied it very quickly!