School try to force to send child on school trip.

[Anyusername]

Hi.

I got a letter from my son's school with a permission slip.
I verbally told them I won't be allowing the school trip.
The reason is, I don't really agree with what it is.
It is an infant school and the trip is regarding 6-7 year olds supporting adults with terminally illnesses.
Firstly, I don't know these patients. They are strangers to me.
Secondly, as a parent I feel like I don't want him around this, this charity is suitable for an adult to conduct not a child.
When I expressed my concerns I was told my son would get an absent mark if I refuse to send him on the trip.
I have decided rather than risk an unauthorized absence, just de register my child and home school him for the last 3 weeks of term, since he will be going to junior school next term anyway.
I feel like my relationship with the school is beyond repair now.
I was unhappy with them this week because they allowed coaches to park on the double yellow zigzags outside the school which caused us to get in a big traffic jam on in sweltering heat earlier in the week.
We were basically melting in the car because of that, when I told them this was illegal parking they seemed very unsympathetic and just got the "where are they meant to park then"?...
There is a bad atmosphere between me and the staff now and I don't think it can be resolved.
When I called the Police, they told me if anybody parks on those again to inform them immediately. Then a staff at the school tried to tell me coaches have a leeway, even after I informed them I'd already confirmed the law with non emergency police operators they argued back with some highway code stuff and what their supervisor said some years ago...
Back to the school trip, I could avoid unauthorized by pulling sicky, but I don't see why I should need to do that. The school should not be able to put unathorized absence because I don't authorize a trip for my small child to be around terminally ill strangers.
Thoughts?

Oh dear, op, this hasn't gone well, has it
Have yo u had other grievances with the school?

Oh and maybe he'll get them the odd orange squash. It's not like he's visiting a prison with rapists peodophiles and murderes!!

but if you dont authorise the trip,they just have to put him into another class
dds school did a visit to a religious commune recently. i went along cos i find it really interesting. a couple didnt go on religious grounds. they were simply popped into reception as helpers for the day.
the coach thing sounds like it got of hand.
it seems a shame for your ds to miss he last few weeks of infants because of your issues with the school

I really don’t think the school will be exposing your child to Ebola or drafting him in to carry bedpans. YABU and ridiculous.

I do actually think a parent should have their say in a school trip, however. If you don't want your kid to go, that should be fine. I've never heard of a school that's tried to 'force' a kid on a school trip. They usually put them in a different class for a day.
Heard of trips not happening because they don't have enough people wanting to go on them.

@op did you use the 'home schooling' thing as a n ultimatum? Have you actually told the school?

Oh dear 🤣 I doubt your 6 year old is going to be sorting out catheters and administering end of life meds!

The school giving it as an unauthorised absence seems fair and doesn’t mean anything

You seem v anxious

Re trip: just sounds like they are going to play games and have a wildlife walk type thing with some older people, who are in a very sad and unfortunate position. The 'support' is just socialising, talking and bringing laughter and fun back into their life for a short while.

Our foundation children visit a care home to sing and read with the residents, many of whom are quite sick and with life limiting and/or terminal illnesses or very elderly and requiring a lot of care, including being on oxygen masks, and other visible support. Our children 'support' in that they are there 'entertaining' and talking with those people. They are fully supervised by school staff and parent volunteers, plus the residents have their own care worker support assistants present too. No child is ever alone with a person they don't know. We are all together.

Both the children and the residents get pleasure from the visit.

op wou ld it be possi ble for you to go on the trip with him? Then you'll see what it's about and be able to keep an eye on him.

Maybe have a watch of that TV programme that was on Chanbel 4 last year - Old People's Home for 4 Year Olds - where the nursery visits the care home. Shows the kind of thing I'd imagine the school are talking about, just with a slightly different set of older people.

Re the coach - it's possibly the safest place to park for getting the children safely on and off the bus. Is there anywhere else the coach can park?

It's sounds a completely inappropriate trip to me. They're infants not secondary school children.
Why don't they visit a farm or adventure centre or similar?

What the big deal with him being marked as absent though?
Honestly, it seems a massive overreaction to take him out for the last 3 weeks than have one days absence. Can you explain your thinking as I really don't understand why you feel so strongly about it?

Have you a actually asked your child what he wants to do? Kids are very perceptive and he's comfortable going in a supervised environment then I don't see the issue? Does he want to miss the last 3 weeks of term? If I suggested that to my son in year 2 he'd be devastated.

YANBU to expect the School to provide alternative arrangements for your DS if he doesn't go on the trip. YANBU to say no if you really feel he shouldn't go as that is your right as a parent. However I can't say you are totally reasonable with your reasons.

"These people are strangers" - umm... you do realise that the children will always have a certain number of known adults plus care staff with them don't you? I don't see why this should be a problem.

"I don't know what their illnesses are" - Again they will go nowhere near anyone who has anything contagious or who would be a danger to them.

As a child, from age about 4 onwards I used to visit the care home where my mum worked and came into contact with people with altzeimers, Cancer and other illnesses. When a dear family friend had altzeimers and when my grandad and Auntie had terminal cancer, many members of my family and friends remarked how well I coped. To this day I swear it's because I was introduced to these at a young age in such a calm and relaxed setting and also, harsh as it may sound, with people I didn't know. I saw how it affected people without the emotional attatchment so I knew what to expect of the illnesses.

Also, having later worked with ill patients I can't emphasise enough how young children can cheer them up. (They wouldn't take them to visit people who didn't want them there).
I'd imagine that it will be they are taken round to speak with the patients and maybe play games with them rather than 'care' for them assuch. Maybe a little talk about how to care for someone who is ill too but no actual practical 'taking care of them' assuch.

Without knowing exactly what the trip is it’s hard to say if it’s appropriate for the children but School trips are usually pretty restricted so it probably is
Taking your child out of school 3 weeks early to avoid 1 unauthorised absence is ridiculous, I can’t understand why you would do that and as for calling the Police over coaches parked outside School - I bet the School won’t miss you at all!!
Shame your son will miss his last 3 weeks of school though

Can the OP let us know when she is pulling her child out so we can all attend the party in the staffroom??
She sounds like a total control freak and also downright vindictive.

So, is it a trip to a hospice? Not necessarily elderly people. A care home for elderly people is rather different to a hospice. Certainly, mine did concerts at the local hospice when they were younger.

It's sounds a completely inappropriate trip to me. They're infants not secondary school children.

This attitude baffles me. How can the trip be inappropriate they are going to visit people with terminal illnesses they don't have the plague. The children will likely do crafts, play games, have lunch together and share stories. It sounds like a lovely trip in which to mix up generations and will have benefits to all involved. Did no-one else ever visit care homes or hospitals to sing or for lunch as a child it's a pretty standard trip and great for children of this age. A group of teens would likely feel too self conscious to join in as enthusiastically as 6-7 year olds.

Why don't they visit a farm or adventure centre or similar?

In relation to the above surely the answer is because if they visited these places the intention and expectations of the experience wouldn't be the same. If they wanted to learn about how a far worked then naturally they would go to a farm, but that's not what the staff want the children to get out of this experience.

You are ‘othering your child’.

You sound like hard work.

If you don’t want him to go that’s up to you, I’m pretty sure they can’t mark him absent if you turn up for school as normal, just ask what class he’s going in to that day.
If they send him home than it’s not a UA because they’ve sent him away.
Even if they do mark him absent, you said yourself he’s leaving in a few weeks so does it really matter?

I'm kinda siding with OP tbh. This doesn't sound like the annual trip to sing Christmas carols to the old dears in the home. It's adults with terminal illnesses. They WON'T be old people at all. There might be some quite young people, or people their parents age which could be quite worrying for them.

As an aside I'm writing a living will which states that should I end up in any sort of institutionalised care I am NOT to be visited by bloody kids on a trip ever.

Lol**@ti tchy

I imagine that whatever the children are doing on this trip will be age appropriate and supervised by teachers / other school staff.

Regardless, de-registering your child because you don’t want to risk an unauthorised absence sounds like a massive overreaction. Is having one unauthorised absence really that big a deal?

OP, I feel we need to know more - much more - about the previous disputes and disagreements you’ve had with the school.

If you could set out all the times you’ve gone up against the teachers, head, governors or class reps that would provide the context we need to give you proper, useful advice.