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Primary education

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Original poster

Head told me to go make complaint at Ofsted it wont help me

187 replies

RP1979 · 17/04/2015 10:43

I just need to vent to into the black hole that is the internet...
Short story, my YR1 daughter came home this week touching her vaginal area, and when I asked why she keeps touching there, she said it hurts from where a boy in her class touched her there!! My stomach dropped and I tried to get as much detail as possible.
This boy is known by other mothers as he has been caught laying on other boys and trying to kiss them or stick his tongue in their mouth. He is also incidentally a really big boy and others can't fight him off.

So off to the Head we went the following morning. All sounded promising, action plan was drawn up etc. Then it fell flat when her class teacher told me after school she spoke to him and he denies it and the poor boy was very upset. The whole conversation left me feeling she didn't believe my daughter even though my daughter told her too in a conversation that he touched her.
All this btw while my daughter is standing next to me. So on the way home she asked me if her teacher didn't believe her and why wouldn't she believe her? What do you say to that??

I held it all in as we had a follow up meeting with the Head the following day. Unfortunately hubby had to go into work but thought as it was an update meeting I could handle it. How wrong was he. The head started by telling me had a word with the teacher and it seems very difficult to say if it did happen or not. I was speechless! Then furious! Told him I believe my daughter and why would a 5yr old girl make this up!? I was livid and then (probably wrongly) said I would go to Ofsted to complain- (ha what a mistake) he looked me in the eye and said, "don't threaten me, you can go to Ofsted, (then gave a laugh!) and added "I will even give you the number and the name you can talk to" ?!!?! Do we really have no power or control as parents. Is governing bodies just a box ticking exercise to give us a false sense of empowerment?? Unfortunately I was so surprised by his comment that I didn't think on my feet and said "well yes give it to me then"

I do wish my husband was present, would he have said that to me with him present in that tone?
This a supposedly 'good' school in an affluent borough... Or is that the exact reason why he can be so cocky?

Is there anything we can do or is it just a bitter pill that I will have to swallow and carry on.

On the upsetting event he said he spoke to the parent and the incident will be recorded. The teachers will talk to the children in the year group.
That is that.

If we had money I would have loved to put her in a private school.
What is the process of trying to move your child to a different school? Although around here they all seem to have long waiting lists.
Im just feeling let down by how they deal with parents...

OP posts:
Asleeponasunbeam · 17/04/2015 10:50

It all sounds very difficult and wasn't handled well in front of your little girl.

But OFSTED are certainly not there as an authority figure for parents to run to when they don't like what a headteacher says. I think that's what many people think they're for. They wouldn't investigate something like this - I guess that's what the head means. You can make a complaint via the governing body if you like, or work with the school to support your DD.

Bilberry · 17/04/2015 10:57

Your dd was sexually assaulted in school, I would be phoning the police.

lougle · 17/04/2015 10:57

It hasn't been well handled. However, presumably this boy is 5 years old also and the staff are going to be vigilant. What more do you want them to do?

lougle · 17/04/2015 10:58

Bilberry, the age of responsibility is 10 in this country. 10. There is no role for police involvement here.

Pud2 · 17/04/2015 10:59

Sorry that you have been upset by this. The previous post is correct though - that is not OFSTED's role. It's always tricky getting to the bottom of incidents in class, with young children. I think you may have to trust the school to sort it out. Perhaps ask them to keep a close eye and explain to your daughter that she must tell an adult straight away if a child does something she doesn't like. Hopefully it won't happen again.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/04/2015 11:01

It should be dealt with as a safeguarding matter. Did you ask whether they had reported it to social services?

BrieAndChilli · 17/04/2015 11:02

For a young boy to do be doing this repeatedly I would be ringing social service,, he's learning this from somewhere and needs to be protected as much as your dd does.

Bilberry · 17/04/2015 11:04

Lougle, I don't expect the other child to be charged but rather as a means involve social services in the absence of the school taking this sufficiently seriously. A 5 year old should not be behaving in this manner and questions need to be raised as to why he is. The other children also need protection.

soapboxqueen · 17/04/2015 11:05

Tbh no parents don't have much recourse. You can contact Ofsted to get advice but generally they won't get involved in an individual case. The head gave you the number knowing fine well it meant nothing.

You can contact your LEA if the school aren't an academy or free school for advice. Other options might be the NSPCC since it sounds to be like she was sexually assaulted (sorry if I've misinterpreted) or even the police. Yes the police cannot do much to the boy but it might give you some support and advice . By the sounds of it he might be in need of safeguarding himself.

Considering what you have said happened and how the school /head have reacted, I would be moving schools. It's not fair but there is no one to force them to do any better.

FiftyShadesOfSporn · 17/04/2015 11:11

Does the school have a duty to report this to social services?

HarrietSchulenberg · 17/04/2015 11:15

I would complain on the grounds that the school has not ensured my child's safety.

Get a copy of the school's complaints procedure and follow it to the letter.

First stage is to discuss it with a teacher of headteacher, which you've done.

Second stage is a written complaint to the Chair of Governors. The Chair initially deals with this but if you are not happy with the outcome you can request that the Complaints Committee be convened (all Governing bodies have one). The Complaints Cttee will investigate and respond.

If you still are not happy you can then complain to the Local Authority.

Take it step by step and don't be tempted to try to skip steps as you'll just be nudged back to the appropriate one.

TeenAndTween · 17/04/2015 11:53

I would suggest a possible twin track.

  1. Apologise to head teacher, and say you won't of course be going to Ofsted, it just came out because you were so upset. However You believe you little girl (but you realise is not provable) so you want to know what action can be taken to keep her safe.
  • improved supervision in playground (or wherever this incident took place)
  • whole class talks about 'private' areas, what to do if someone touches you etc etc
  • your DD's 'incident' recorded for future reference

If HT is still brushing it under the carpet then
2) Obtain copy of complaints procedure

  • A letter of complaint to HT concerned due to ignoring potential safeguarding issue, asking again for issues in my point 1
  • If no response escalate to governors

Either way I would suggest, if just for your peace of mind, that you also do
3) Apply for any other local primaries you can think of. If a place comes up you don't have to accept it.

gallicgirl · 17/04/2015 11:59

Definitely sounds like a safeguarding issue and should be reported to social services.

Hope your little girl is ok.

Fairenuff · 17/04/2015 12:00

Just because the boy denies it does not mean that they don't believe your dd OP. They are giving you the facts.

I would ask for a copy of the complaints procedure and get your concerns formalised.

soapboxqueen · 17/04/2015 12:00

Harriet I tend to find that it is a rare governing body that finds against the head in such cases unless the evidence etc is slap you in the face obvious. Even then, it guarantees nothing.

The LEA can't force the school to do anything other than decide if they adhered to their own policies. Considering there is only the word of a 5 year old and the school have conducted their own "investigation" and decided nothing happened. It leaves the LEA very little to work on, assuming the school still comes under their remit anyway.

I know I sound defeatist. I really don't want to be. I'm attempting to be pragmatic. In my experience parents who try to take on a school, particularly one that has already shown itself to be hostile end up driving themselves crazy going around in circles. Even the ones that succeed, find that either their relationship with the school has broken down or they have no faith in the school anymore due to the fight they put up and do end up moving anyway.

If the op had described a fight or other incident and wanted to make complaints I would probably agree since these things do happen and even if the school stops it because a parent is being a pain, it serves a purpose. However this seems to have been a sexual assault, there has been some dubious incidents previously, the school have decided there is nothing to be done and most worryingly don't think there is a problem.

I'm afraid I would have no confidence in the school to keep my child safe and wouldn't want to wait months for full a complaints process. Anything could happen in the intervening time.

Justusemyname · 17/04/2015 12:04

I think you need the police rather than OFSTED

I really hope you get the support you need. Your poor DD needs a lot of support too. I'm not sure I'd be leaving my child there.

DinkyDye · 17/04/2015 12:05

I would also phone the police. This boy has issues and it needs to be looked into for his sake also.

I'm really sorry this happened to your dd, l hope she is ok.

ppeatfruit · 17/04/2015 12:05

This is shocking, I would get as many other parents who you've talked to to give evidence in another meeting with the class teacher , she said she doesn't believe it happened??? As an E.Y. teacher I Know that it's impossible not to notice sexualised behaviour in the children, and she should have already taken action about the boy.

I would be LIVID .

DarlingDaffodil · 17/04/2015 12:06

Try the GB route.
Could also flag up as safe guarding issue to social services?? GP??
Certainly would not apologise to arrogant Head teacher though.

Justusemyname · 17/04/2015 12:06

Hmm I certainly wouldn't be apologising to the head!

ppeatfruit · 17/04/2015 12:09

I'm not sure I'd be leaving my child there

Exactly I'd take my child out immediately.

GratefulHead · 17/04/2015 12:11

Very arrogant HT. I'd be looking for another school based upon his attitude toward you.

The police do have a Chikd Abuse Investigation Team but not sure this is needed here, what ISO needed is a chat with social services because if this child is doing this a lot then he is getting it from somewhere and it's worrying.

crapfatbanana · 17/04/2015 12:21

It really needs reporting as a safeguarding issue to social services.

If/when Ofsted get wind of it, they will possibly want to do a section 8 inspection.

hiccupgirl · 17/04/2015 12:30

I would ask the head who is in charge of safeguarding/child protection at the school - it is probably him. Tell him that you want the incident recorded as a child protection concern and that you are contacting social services for advice about protecting your DD in school.

Ofsted are not there to threaten schools with and tbh aren't the first point of call in this situation anyway. In could be that there are investigations going on into this boy's behaviour already which the school wouldn't be able to share with you. If not, you need to raise it as a child protection issue both for your DD but also for the boy.

RustyBear · 17/04/2015 12:33

We don't know that it hasn't been reported to Social Services and/or other relevant agencies - I would not expect a headteacher to tell another parent that this had been done. As a previous poster said, the route to take is 'what are you doing to safeguard my DD', not 'what are you doing about this boy'