Head told me to go make complaint at Ofsted it wont help me

[RP1979]

I just need to vent to into the black hole that is the internet...
Short story, my YR1 daughter came home this week touching her vaginal area, and when I asked why she keeps touching there, she said it hurts from where a boy in her class touched her there!! My stomach dropped and I tried to get as much detail as possible.
This boy is known by other mothers as he has been caught laying on other boys and trying to kiss them or stick his tongue in their mouth. He is also incidentally a really big boy and others can't fight him off.

So off to the Head we went the following morning. All sounded promising, action plan was drawn up etc. Then it fell flat when her class teacher told me after school she spoke to him and he denies it and the poor boy was very upset. The whole conversation left me feeling she didn't believe my daughter even though my daughter told her too in a conversation that he touched her.
All this btw while my daughter is standing next to me. So on the way home she asked me if her teacher didn't believe her and why wouldn't she believe her? What do you say to that??

I held it all in as we had a follow up meeting with the Head the following day. Unfortunately hubby had to go into work but thought as it was an update meeting I could handle it. How wrong was he. The head started by telling me had a word with the teacher and it seems very difficult to say if it did happen or not. I was speechless! Then furious! Told him I believe my daughter and why would a 5yr old girl make this up!? I was livid and then (probably wrongly) said I would go to Ofsted to complain- (ha what a mistake) he looked me in the eye and said, "don't threaten me, you can go to Ofsted, (then gave a laugh!) and added "I will even give you the number and the name you can talk to" ?!!?! Do we really have no power or control as parents. Is governing bodies just a box ticking exercise to give us a false sense of empowerment?? Unfortunately I was so surprised by his comment that I didn't think on my feet and said "well yes give it to me then"

I do wish my husband was present, would he have said that to me with him present in that tone?
This a supposedly 'good' school in an affluent borough... Or is that the exact reason why he can be so cocky?

Is there anything we can do or is it just a bitter pill that I will have to swallow and carry on.

On the upsetting event he said he spoke to the parent and the incident will be recorded. The teachers will talk to the children in the year group.
That is that.

If we had money I would have loved to put her in a private school.
What is the process of trying to move your child to a different school? Although around here they all seem to have long waiting lists.
Im just feeling let down by how they deal with parents...

I think I would also contact the police. Not because I would be expecting a 5 year old to be carted of to prison but I think they would be best placed to investigate or at least advise.

If this boy didn't do it (not disbelieving your dd but considering to schools apparent view) then someone else in school presumerably did so surely the police would be best placed to investigate?

SS may have been informed, obv HT isnt going to divulge this. However if the attitude really is as it is coming across I would want the police involved to make sure SS were fully informed.

Since the school appear unable to follow the correct child protection procedures, it may be worth speaking to the LADO(Local Authority Designated Officer)

This is a huge concern, and nobody seems able to protect your child nor the child who has done this. Social services may already be involved, and if so, they need to know about this.

At school level, you ask how they are going to keep your child safe, and now a risk has been identified, what risk assessment is in place to protect the children. It sounds as if this boy needs a greater level of supervision at the very least.

The school are behaving appallingly.

The school should have contacted the LADO. They then make a decision not the school. Ask the ht what the LADO advised.

If the head has spoken to the [parent then I think that's a pretty good indicator that he HASN'T reported the incident to SS.

There is only 1 question to ask and 1 thing to be done. You ask the head if it was referred to the LADO. If it wasn't it should have been. If it was the head will have been directed by them and will not have had any choice in the process.

There should have been a LADO referral for the boy as well as he is potentially a very vulnerable and at risk child

yes, social services. This is a safeguarding issue for your DD and the boy concerned.

This is terrifying. We send our children to school thinking they're in a safe environment.

I don't have any advice OP, but I hope your dd is ok and that the school take some kind of action.

School are failing both kids (and possibly more). In my experience, (some) heads are terrified of this sort of situation and spend a great deal of time minimizing and/or failing to follow the procedures which will bring them to the attention of local authority. As others have suggested. LADO and social services are the appropriate paths to follow. If you don't know where to start, google 'safeguarding board' + 'your LA name' for useful area numbers

Write to the governers. Contact the MASH team to express concerns about this child's behaviour. If this isn't the first time something like this has happened, this may be a safeguarding issue.

Surely the school should be logging this as a safeguarding issue. Why are they failing to do this?

They may be - I assume other parents aren't routinely told when other children are reported to SS :)

I think the advice over the page about asking how to ensure your DD is safe is the most sensible.

Thank you for all the responses and suggestions.
I am thinking of doing a combination of the above.
I will go back and ask for another appointment with the head. This time take my husband with. Im going to mix what hiccupgirl and TeenandTween suggested.
In all the upset I didn't even ask that they supervise that specific area better! It is a small decking area surrounded by bamboo (in far corner of playground)and no one can see in from a distance what children get up to in there.
Plus I am going to start phoning around for other schools in the area. He has really put me off with his attitude. Only now that I have spoken to a few mom's is it all coming out. He is apparently very arrogant and 'run a tight ship' and would not want any outside interference to harm school reputation. Also made quite a few condescending remarks to other working mothers when they have gone to see him.

It appears there is also an out of hand bullying situation that is busy going on at the moment in the older year groups, so I imagine he really just want this problem to go away. By the sound of it he is untouchable and just a plain nasty piece of work.
Amazing how these types of people get the jobs as Head teachers.

I also agree with soapboxqueen and dont think we will win if we 'take him on'.

Just praying another school option come up quick.

Thank you again. It is just so frustrating.

Your poor wee DD. So sorry that such a terrible thing has happened to her in one of the places we think our children will be safe.

I would definitely involve the police and social services. Although the boy in question isn't of an age to be criminally responsible it will be helpful to have the incident on file with the police incase of future problems and hopefully it will trigger SS involvement from the police (I think a two pronged attack is useful here.)

I'd put my concerns in writing to the head, explaining that you wish to see a copy of the school safeguarding policy as you feel this policy has not been adhered to with respect to your DD (and also wrt the boy on question.) Children displaying sexualised behaviour at an inappropriate age is a MASSIVE red flag for child abuse and needs to be taken very seriously.

I personally think I would withdraw my dd from school until satisfied that she will be protected. You need to keep reassuring her that regardless of what the teacher said in front of her, you believe her and that's what matters.

I would also try and talk to the parents of some of the other children who have been inappropriately touched by this boy, if they would be willing to go on record about what has happened it will strengthen the case.

All the best RP

Your little girl is lucky to have a mum who works so hard to ensure she's safe x

To re-iterate.

Go to the school in person. Ask the ht if they referred to the lado. If they say no call in a witness. Do not repeat the allegations in front of the witness. Say that on xx April at ggg am you reported a serious safeguarding and child protection issue to the head. it is now 2pm on Friday 17th April and you are formally requesting that it is referred to the lado as the issue involves more than 1 child (do not name them). The ht should be taking copious notes. Take notes yourself- dated and timed. Leave the room and wait whilst they call. Go from there.

There is a complaint procedure but that is for later. Protecting the children is vital at this time. When you get home write down everything that you can recall from the various discussions with the ht and keep it. You will be making a formal complaint to the chair of governors. You can copy the Lado (or dcs) for information only

If the ht says it was referred to the lado then you won't find out what happened in relation to the other child. You can ask what details about your daughter were shared (to check it wasn't downplayed). You can ask for a direct contact yourself. If the ht referred as soon as he spoke to you for the 1st time he did the right thing and you probably do not have grounds for complaint.

This sort of behaviour from a child is extremely worrying. It could be that this boy is himself being sexually abused & is therefore repeating behaviour he is exposed to.
What happened to your daughter is undoubtably deeply unpleasant but I wonder if anyone is looking into whether or not this boy is safe at home?

If the ht has not contacted the lado they will possibly be suspended when you formally submit a complaint.

I know you are very worried about your daughter however the main child protection issue is with the other child. He is potentially at very significant risk.

Google keeping children safe in education 2015- sorry can't link as on iPad

And working together to safeguard children 2015. The premise is that children should always be believed as the starting point, it should be a child centered system.

I think others are giving better advice than I could. You and your DD have my sympathy OP. I think it is most important that your DD knows that you believe her.

Call the Police, this is more than a school matter, understandibly the head wants it to just go away. Your child has been sexually assaulted by a child that obviously needs social services involved.

Don't bother with the school anymore, they are not interested.

Ring the NSPCC to ask for advice on what to do now. Their number for adults calling about a child is 0808 800 5000

You could also ring the police on 101, not with an expectation that this other small child will be arrested (he won't be at 5), but for advice - and also to flag up with them that there's an ongoing problem with child safeguarding at this particular school. (I bet you won't be the first parent the head has brushed off when complaining about inappropriate sexual contact.)

The idea that he can say in front of a girl - his student - who has reported inappropriate sexual contact that it's "he said, she said" makes my hair go on fire and my brain explode. He clearly isn't of the "we believe her" persuasion.

And yes to the posters saying that by taking this further you will also quite possibly be protecting this other kid as well as your own. That kind of behaviour doesn't come out of nowhere.