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Primary education

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Original poster

Head told me to go make complaint at Ofsted it wont help me

187 replies

RP1979 · 17/04/2015 10:43

I just need to vent to into the black hole that is the internet...
Short story, my YR1 daughter came home this week touching her vaginal area, and when I asked why she keeps touching there, she said it hurts from where a boy in her class touched her there!! My stomach dropped and I tried to get as much detail as possible.
This boy is known by other mothers as he has been caught laying on other boys and trying to kiss them or stick his tongue in their mouth. He is also incidentally a really big boy and others can't fight him off.

So off to the Head we went the following morning. All sounded promising, action plan was drawn up etc. Then it fell flat when her class teacher told me after school she spoke to him and he denies it and the poor boy was very upset. The whole conversation left me feeling she didn't believe my daughter even though my daughter told her too in a conversation that he touched her.
All this btw while my daughter is standing next to me. So on the way home she asked me if her teacher didn't believe her and why wouldn't she believe her? What do you say to that??

I held it all in as we had a follow up meeting with the Head the following day. Unfortunately hubby had to go into work but thought as it was an update meeting I could handle it. How wrong was he. The head started by telling me had a word with the teacher and it seems very difficult to say if it did happen or not. I was speechless! Then furious! Told him I believe my daughter and why would a 5yr old girl make this up!? I was livid and then (probably wrongly) said I would go to Ofsted to complain- (ha what a mistake) he looked me in the eye and said, "don't threaten me, you can go to Ofsted, (then gave a laugh!) and added "I will even give you the number and the name you can talk to" ?!!?! Do we really have no power or control as parents. Is governing bodies just a box ticking exercise to give us a false sense of empowerment?? Unfortunately I was so surprised by his comment that I didn't think on my feet and said "well yes give it to me then"

I do wish my husband was present, would he have said that to me with him present in that tone?
This a supposedly 'good' school in an affluent borough... Or is that the exact reason why he can be so cocky?

Is there anything we can do or is it just a bitter pill that I will have to swallow and carry on.

On the upsetting event he said he spoke to the parent and the incident will be recorded. The teachers will talk to the children in the year group.
That is that.

If we had money I would have loved to put her in a private school.
What is the process of trying to move your child to a different school? Although around here they all seem to have long waiting lists.
Im just feeling let down by how they deal with parents...

OP posts:
Millymollymama · 17/04/2015 21:29

Having read the safeguarding policy of the school where I am a Governor, it would clearly indicate that this little boy should definitely be the subject of a safeguarding report by the Headteacher. It is slightly more open to debate about the OPs daughter in that the wording rather assumes that older people are the perpetrators, not primary aged children. Whatever the case, the Head has behaved appallingly. The Safeguarding Policy will tell you, OP, how you can contact the necessary officers but do be aware that this boy may be facing real problems in his life that urgently need addressing. He is a child too and not an adult. Condemning him is not the way forward. It is vital his situation is investigated.

Oxfordblue · 17/04/2015 21:50

I haven't read all subsequent posts, but PLEASE do call the police. They will be very helpful as they will want to know where this boy has picked up this behaviour from. He maybe accessing porn inadvertently or worse case, maybe being abused himself.

VivaLeBeaver · 17/04/2015 22:01

As someone involved in safeguarding I would definitely say contact police, social services and ofsted.

The school need a major bollocks ng from ofsted for not safeguarding your dd. If a kid came into school and said their dad was doing this, if the dad denied it would they just leave it??

Social services and the police need to get involved in order to safeguard your dd as the school are incapable.

EugenesAxe · 17/04/2015 22:21

I feel for you but the teachers do have to listen to both sides; you can't know what he said and why they have doubt.

Incidentally, my friend worked for a private school where a five year old was excluded for... a bad (learned) sexual act inflicted on another child. You seemed to be implying this would never happen at a 'nice' school.

prh47bridge · 17/04/2015 23:14

I feel for you but the teachers do have to listen to both sides

It is a fundamental of child protection that you believe a child when they make an allegation of abuse. They should have referred this to their LA's safeguarding team. They should not, under any circumstances, listen to both sides and decide that nothing happened. Everyone who goes through safeguarding training is taught that. This is a huge failure by the school.

mrz · 18/04/2015 07:04

The teacher/school aren't in the position to make a decision about who is telling the truth. It is a serious matter and should be dealt with as such.

VivaLeBeaver · 18/04/2015 07:19

And there is no way my dd would be back at that school until SS, police, ofsted have been informed and that Id been told their plans for keeping my dd safe.

Your dd needs to see that you believe her and are protecting her. Good luck.

BeaufortBelle · 18/04/2015 07:51

The head has handled it badly but we don't know that the school is not already involved with all the various agencies in relation to the boy. I imagine they are and if so they cannot possibly share what they are doing and what they know with the OP.

There is no excuse for the way the school have handled the matter but it smacks a bit to me as though action is happening in the background and the school may have a lot more information about this little boy than they can let on and therefore have been defensive.

It is awful OP that your daughter has experienced this; the school's apparent response to you has been unacceptable but what strikes me most of all about this is that your daughter has a loving mother who cares about her and who is fighting her corner and she will be fine.

I doubt this little boy has a safe or secure experience of adults though and I feel really upset just thinking about what he has probably suffered outside school which is probably a safe place for him and one from which those who are responsible for him are loathe to remove him when in the background longer term action might be taking place with those responsible for him who may well be weaving all sorts of tales and excuses making it difficult to make him safer. My heart goes out to this little boy and I hope he is safe this weekend and will not suffer in any way.

I have a feeling there is a lot going on behind the scenes and this boy's people are running rings around the process. The school has their measure and is defensive because they are the sort that will twist any comment acknowledging the possibility the boy is being harmed or might have behaved as such and this might put the boy at further risk. The head could not risk such a comment to you being repeated.

This hasn't been handled well at all but none of us can know what is truly going on and your little girl is safe and the school knows she is safe. The little boy probably isn't.

PeruvianFoodLover · 18/04/2015 07:54

The OP doesn't know that it hasnt been referred to the LA safeguarding team by the school, and she never will.

It has clearly be handled very badly by the HT, and he has, through his defensive behaviour, left the OP with the impression that the school are dismissing her DD in favour of the other child's account.

However, it is also quite possible that the child concerned is well know to the safeguarding team, and that the OPs DDs experience was a result of a failure in management strategies already in place. The OP will neve be told that, she will never know.

PeruvianFoodLover · 18/04/2015 07:55

X-posts belle

mrz · 18/04/2015 07:58

While I agree that the school might already have reported the issue and be working with safeguarding agencies, the fact that the class teacher came out to tell the OP the child denies the incident worries me. I would also be concerned that the school hasn't formally recorded the OPs allegation ... While they can't discuss what they are doing they can tell the OP what action they are taking about the assault on her child.

saintlyjimjams · 18/04/2015 08:00

It's safeguarding - and the HT should be reporting it (or face up to 6 years in jail - utterly ludicrous, but there we go - everything is meant to be reported these days).

I have reported a safeguarding concern to Ofsted. They did a quick assessment to see whether they could take it on (yes) & did look into it - it was a general safeguarding concern affecting many though, & due to dodgy procedures - rather than one specific incident (although one incident triggered it).

EugenesAxe · 18/04/2015 08:40

OK sorry prh47bridge - can you tell I have not been through safeguarding training?

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2015 08:44

But if everyone who works at the school is aware of this boy's behaviour and are being sensitive to his needs\problems , why would he be allowed to be on his own ,unsupervised, in the playground?

At least at the private school the child was excluded.

mrz · 18/04/2015 08:59

Im shocked that a five year old victim would be excluded ... Badly handled by the school

calico3 · 18/04/2015 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

calico3 · 18/04/2015 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeaufortBelle · 18/04/2015 09:15

ppeatfruit do you really think that a little boy of five who is possibly being sexually abused at home should be excluded from a state primary school so that he is with his potential abusers for longer? School is his place of safety. Something slipped vis procedures for supervising the boy.

It could be that this little boy is simply wicked and depraved and could be a risk for the rest of his life. It is far more likely this is learned behaviour because he has experienced it himself and is acting it out at schoo.

I am prepared to give the head and the school the benefit of the doubt. They are dealing with a terrible situation, possibly worse than they have dealt with before and hence the defensiveness.

I don't think it would be unreasonable for the OP to ask for confirmation that procedures are in place to keep her daughter safe from something similar or to venture that she understands this is far more complex than the school can share with her but she hopes the boy is being kept similarly safe to the best of the school's ability.

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2015 09:15

No mrz the victim wasn't excluded at the private school, the pp said it was the perpetrator.

Yes exactly calico3

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2015 09:18

Well he shouldn't be allowed to 'play' unsupervised anywhere in the school. As calico said.

BeaufortBelle · 18/04/2015 09:24

ppeatfruit are you seriously saying that a little boy of five years old who is probably being sexually abused at home is not a victim?

.............I really hope this little boy is safe this weekend ............and happy ..........and not frightened ..........and not in pain ...........

mrz · 18/04/2015 09:26

Try reading the original post the child was as much a victim as those he assaulted ... As such needed to be supported not abandoned to continued risk!

calico3 · 18/04/2015 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2015 09:46

Well of course the perpetrator is a victim too, BUT he has to be supervised, We're talking about the OP's daughter here aren't we? How would we feel if our children were put at real risk by inefficient jobsworths?

BeaufortBelle · 18/04/2015 09:56

That's why the OP needs to go back to the school for reassurance about how they are going to keep her daughter safe.

"I appreciate this can't be proven but I am nevertheless concerned and would like you to outline to me how you are going to prevent this from happening in the future".