desperately sad..nursery sent home Eyfs specialist guidance and assessment inclusion officer report. why.? what does this mean?

[samzaffar123]

Please help. I have one 3 year old boy recently starting day nursery eg 4 months ago. He's just had a specialist guidance assessment from the county councils assessor. Why.? Is this normal for all children.?the report states he doesn't use words doesn't communicate and just relies on waiting for adults to help him. He's the exact opposite at home and am very upset to read the report, and to learn he was undergoing an assessment without my knowledge? Please advise. Is this normal due to recent government changes or is there something wrong with my baby that I don't know about?

or you could look on your MN Local page for any mums with similar aged children to meet or alternative social groups and activities to join . Hopefully in a few years' time you will look back and see this blip for what it is. Even if he turns out to have ay additional needs this nursery is not the one to support him and you appropriately.

You are doing the right thing taking him out, he doesn't sound happy there and the nursery are not doing enough to support his development, and as for their communication with you, I would be fuming if I were you.

My son is very shy and when he started pre-school (having been very happy at a childminder till then) he wasn't mute but he was very very quiet. It was one attached to the school so we had a parents evening about 6 weeks in, and I had to take him with me as I had no childcare for it. I was so glad I did as he was chatting away to me and the keyworker said how pleased she was to see that as they'd had some concerns about how quiet he was at nursery, in that he spoke if asked a direct question but only gave one word answers, and never spoke voluntarily. It was so upsetting to even hear that , so I can't imagine how you have been feeling to find out all this with him having been there so long and thinking he was getting on fine.

I think if you and his dad concentrate on taking him to things like playgroups, rhyme time at the library and maybe some participation classes like rhythm time or pyjama drama if you can afford that sort of thing then come September in a new setting you will hopefully have a much happier little boy. Also in the new setting you can speak to them before hand and explain what has happened and come up with some strategies together to help him settle in really well there.

The advice for networking is very useful I will look into that. The nursery have just emailed me to say as we are going away. ..they will halve his fees for the month he's not there as a gesture of goodwill and his place will be secure upon his return. Of course I haven't formally told them that yet as I was going to do it this Friday. do I now just email back and say actually am pulling him out before they prepare the next invoice or do I just wait until Friday When I pick him up.?

Sorry ...meant to say haven't formally said am withdrawing him as of yet.

I would email back before they prepare the next invoice.

If you've childcare and you don't want to send him to this nursery again withdraw him immediately, that is he does not have to attend for the rest of this week. You might have to pay for those days but if you are happier not having him there / not seeing them again, don't.

Do it now, in writing, with clear language that leaves no wiggle room. No explanations just something like "I am giving [x days/weeks] notice to remove [son's name] from [name off nursery]".

Name of nursery!

Good luck Sam. You may have already found SMIRA through googling (Selective Mutism Info & Research Assoc) - they are excellent for support and info, I'd recommend joining their Facebook group if you're on FB. (It's a closed group so your posts don't appear in your FB feed unless your FB friends are also in the group.)

If you decide that SM is an issue you're in an ideal position to tackle it now, he's young and you have control over where he's spending his time and who with.

if things couldn't get any more confusing...guys I've eagerly rushed home from work to read his diary.. my baby spoke apparently!. i can't help feeling its all coincidental ...the Sen coordinator was with him for an hour today and he very quietly whispered to her that he went to the park to play on the swings and fed the ducks when it was his holiday ie weekend. which is true it's exactly what he did do. Guys these are his first words at nursery in four months. When prompted to talk more he bottled up and moved away from her. What do I make of this now? Just when I make a decision....

I don't think it's significant and it probably reflects that the nursery and SEN coordinator are now doing what they should have done 4 months ago. I wouldn't let it derail any decisions that you've made.

I agree with Culture - it is too little, too late. If you have the option, then I'd take him out and go to a few groups with him until the other nursery place is available. He needs a decent break between the two as he clearly doesn't have positive feelings towards nursery.

Why would the son copy his Dad just at nursery?

The only time this child has been mute has been at this nursery. Yes, today he spoke when the SENCO made an effort to engage with him but why did this engagement not start 4 months ago? Could have saved a lot of bother. If this type attention had been given earlier it would have been on his reports. Something does not add up here...

I personally would still withdraw him.

I feel extra effort is being made since everything blew up really. I agree that had this been communicated with me four months ago and I knew back then he was getting help. ..getting help four months ago would have made a massive difference to him I think by now. my only guilty feeling now is what if he actually is bonding I pull him out and he goes back to being mute when he starts the new nursery. Dad does mix with our boy a great deal. he's not mute with me or dad. Just nursery. Dad gets by on around 5 hours a night. but does spend day with him when he's not at nursery.

I do agree with what you all say. ..mainly that this nursery hasn't made that extra effort with him from the start. if I keep him there I would go crazy up until next September thinking gosh what they doing to my boy. ..I have been like that all week this week and haven't been able to concentrate on anything other than mutism. I've even forgotten its mothers day this weekend. My baby just said to me he's going to make me the biggest mothers day card ever for me. I haven't ordered anything for my own 70 year old Mum. Any last minute quick delivery suggestions please? Eg nice hamper baskets with goodies? I think I might have left it too late now. I really would be lost without comments on this you know. I genuinely mean that so thank you all.

It doesn't sound like he has made any lasting bonds as yet. The question remains whether the effort the SENCO made would be sustained - it sounds like a last ditch effort to prevent a complaint. If they were regularly informally assessing and spending some time in quality engagement with each child, things perhaps would not have reached this level of concern. This is why pulling him out sooner rather than later is good, IMO.

My husband uses this company to order flowers & chocolate for his mum.

www.bunches.co.uk/?aff=gouk&gclid=CJn0452SocQCFbQatAod0VcAWw

He ordered today and would recommend them.

Hope you have a great day, sounds like your boy is planning a fab card.

I've just skimmed through all the messages and the nursery have been very wrong not to involve you and your son's dad from day 1 in his care.

I wondered whether he spoke with other children at toddler groups etc before he started nursery and whether he has friends outside of nursery who he chats and plays with?

Is it purely the nursery setting? Also 6 hours a day seems a very long day especially if he's not thriving there. Could he go mornings only and then do stuff like toddler groups, rhyme time, classes with dad in the afternoon?

"Parents as Partners" is one of the main cornerstones of modern childcare. They viewed themselves as more important than a child's parent. Very, very worrying. I would take it further via ofsted, to make sure the understand they need to change.

The selectively mute children I've looked after have generally needed a bit more confidence and less pressure. There was one little girl who never said a word in my nursery. She talked very well with Mum but was quiet with us, until one day where she said she would talk. And she did. Solidly, without a single full stop over a period of several hours. And the next day quiet again.

Hope it all goes well for you.