desperately sad..nursery sent home Eyfs specialist guidance and assessment inclusion officer report. why.? what does this mean?

[samzaffar123]

Please help. I have one 3 year old boy recently starting day nursery eg 4 months ago. He's just had a specialist guidance assessment from the county councils assessor. Why.? Is this normal for all children.?the report states he doesn't use words doesn't communicate and just relies on waiting for adults to help him. He's the exact opposite at home and am very upset to read the report, and to learn he was undergoing an assessment without my knowledge? Please advise. Is this normal due to recent government changes or is there something wrong with my baby that I don't know about?

Sounds very high handed of them and less than effective communication if he really has been selectively mute all this time. They may be genuine in their concerns , so it would be wrong to minimise or dismiss them without proper consideration, but you might find he would behave differently elsewhere. Are there any alternative nurseries or maybe a cm would suit him better.

I'd be very unhappy with the nursery. If they had concerns they should have discussed it with you immediately and not waited for months and secretly assessed him!

If he does need help I wouldn't have much faith in this nursery to provide it...

I'm not surprised you feel sad. sorry to hear about the MC and stillborns you've suffered up to now. And congratulations on your long awaited DS. He'll be your lovely boy whatever.

I'm not surprised you feel sad because whilst youve signed a blanket 'assessment' form I'm sure you, like I would, assumed that's the general profiling they do? It's really not professional that they have not once reported any concerns to you in 4 months that your DS is mute.
The good news is you know he can talk the hind legs off a donkey
Hopefully they'll come up,with some strategies to support your DS to find his voice in nursery and communicate his needs.

One idea that may work for your DS that worked with mine (he's not mute but couldn't relay activities he'd done) is to take photos of things he's familiar with at home. So you, family members, his bedroom, favourite toys and places to visit etc. That's always a good starting point to get him to tell people things he knows rather than get him to spontanuosly communicate.
That may be something the nursery think will help alongside the general picture cards.

Try and get yourself an early night and rest yourself up.

Is he happy at nursery? Could that be why he's choosing not to speak when he's there?

Blimey, Sam, the nursery seems to have been incredibly unprofessional and ineffective here. Did they seem apologetic and embarrassed at all?

I think I would have lost trust in this nursery, and would be looking to move my child as soon as a good childcare option became available.

They absolutely should have been talking to you almost daily about how he is at nursery. To not feed this back to you verbally or in writing is beyond crap. It makes me wonder what else they might not bother to tell you.

Ask the nursery for a copy of the nursery's complaints procedure. I would then follow the procedure eg probably make a formal written complaint to the nursery, outlining what they have not done, and informing them that as a result you'll be moving your DS as soon as you can find suitable alternative childcare. Ask for copies of the outcomes of all of the previous assessments, along with details of who assessed him and what the purpose of each assessment is. I would also ask them what steps they will take to avoid this sort of lack of communication happening again. I would also state that from this point on you formally withdraw your consent to any assessments without notification or explanation, and that you expect them to give you written notice of any future assessments. If you're not happy with their response then you can escalate the complaint - as far as OFSTED if necessary.

In the meantime, you can do the book as they suggest, and think about speaking to your GP about his quietness at nursery. I do think that it might be more about the nursery than your DS, given what he's like with you at home.

Thank you for your much needed hugs and wishes. Guys am really confused. Do I keep him on or pull him out? Many of your comments are very valid and making me question myself. He comes home and talks to me about his day at nursery. So he is understanding what's going on around him hence he's communicating that with me whilst at home. But their response to everything has been poor. My poor baby's not said anything at nursery for four months. ..he's only three. Is he really sad and unhappy there that he won't talk? I ask him if he's had fun at nursery and whether he enjoys it and he says yes. But is he saying that to please me coz he probably senses am a sensitive person?

There's an alternative nursery liz yes. But they don't have room until September. Do I pull him out? I did look at another nursery which is a school nursery with a good ofsted rating. It's more hands on and structured. One thing the Sen worker did say today was he's very clever and bright compared to the other children in that he points to letters and numbers that other children in his group don't know. But he's still mute.

Personally I think this suggests he is not particularly happy or settled at nursery. I'm assuming you've observed him in social settings with other children?

I would be tempted to try another nursery. How many days does he go? Perhaps try a session at a playgroup you can leave him at or group swimming sessions which you can observe from a distance. These will give you some clues as to how he behaves with other adults away from you and your DH as primary caregivers.

For me the issue with this nursery is about their utter lack of compassion. I remember DS being at nursery when he was learning to walk and he ended up with 3 bumps in day - tripped over his trousers, bumped his chin on the window ledge etc. A nursery worker phoned me at work - not because he was hurt but because she was a mum and knew she'd have wanted to be told if she was coming in to 3 bumped head letters in one day. Basic compassion - would I want to be treated like this?

Your nursery staff have made no attempt at empathysing with your situation. If the other nursery has no places until September, I'd leave him there for now but I wold be asking for a meeting with the manager and be raising a formal complaint about they've handled this issue. If they haven't bucked their ideas up by September, swap him to the new place.

Don't pull him out. He may be displaying selective mutism. Video him at home. You need to show the other side of him and the best way for this is via video. Also google EYfS outcomes. Go through the statements and see if your son can do the things for his age range.
Then ask for a meeting with his key person and also the manager and if possible the person who has been assessing him which should be someone from the specialist teaching team at the local council.
You should not be left out of this process

Write and date a letter stating you want to be actively involved in any further assessments from now on.

But even he is being selectively mute it would be useful to see if he is selectively mute in other social situations away from you or your DH. It could be that something about this nursery is causing anxiety. So if you were able to try a play group or similar, where you could leave him (without initially withdrawing him from nursery) and ask for feedback, this might help you learn more.

OP: if your son is chatty and conversational with you (not just rote repetition) then the mutism is selective (i.e. not there all the time). I personally know two children who were mute outside the home and in the company of strangers in their early years. Neither have any signs of it now (aged 7 and 12 respectively) and are fully integrated with their peers and performing well academically.
Your nursery failed in their communication with you, but their swift pickup of a possible issue with your son is to be commended. Clearly parental communication is not their strength. You can force this interaction and demand follow up and regular meetings. Good luck.

Reading what you say about your lad not talking at nursery... reminded me that DS stopped talking to certain staff at pre-school. He did have a speech delay and was unclear, his parents and key-worker had tuned into him, but other people found his hard to understand. after too many instances of well meaning preschool staff repeating back to him what they thought he had said ( when he had said something else) he just stopped bothering to talk to them. He was able to tell me this when I asked him about it aged 4 as we started on the SALT referral pathway.

Nursery he goes four days a week six hours a day. It's more for his independence and development really Not because of work because dad has him when am not at home. I didn't think to withdraw him from further assessments or ask for previous reports or notes on him. I will do now. They didn't even show me his learning diary just the Eyfs checklist that says he's performing at the age of a 20 month old not 36 month old. I was so overwhelmed that I became a mute myself almost . They have set goals to use photographs and picture cards along with me writing a diary. they seem to think he'll get over this within 6 months but how do they know that when they've never heard him. Speak? They answered that's their target and if get worse then these notes stay with him up until end of reception class at school. I put him to bed and talked about talking at nursery and he just stared right through me as if I was speaking a foreign language.

I would really start to look for another nursery or playgroup that you can leave him at. Initially he might be able to try a taster session or visit, on the day he doesn't attend his present nursery, to see how he is, whilst you talk to the staff and in another room.

The nursery should have communicated better. They should want to hear about your experiences with your child because this will help in the assessment of him. This should have happened at the beginning of the process.

I moved my DS to another pre-school at this age. He settled much better at the second one. Moving him is much like getting a second opinion from doctors - it will either set your mind at rest or make you more resolved to investigate further.

6 hours a day is quite a long time if he doesn't need to be there. I'd look for a 3 hour a day morning pre-school/nursery.

^ or try a child minder who looks after a few children.

If he doesn't have to go, I might look to reduce the number of days and take him to different settings yourself. Playgroups and other settings where he can interact and you can observe and encourage.

The nursery are being really shoddy with this. My DS goes to nursery and the difference in how they communicate with me about him is just huge.

I really think putting it all in writing in a letter will be a good way of getting all your points and concerns across about this.

I think the nursery have handled this very badly. My DD1 was also a very reluctant talker at nursery. She seemed fine until a change of staff in her room, after which she spoke to the other children but wouldn't speak to any adults. Does your son speak to the other children at all? However, there was no suggestion at any time that my DD needed to be assessed. I would recommend that you look around for another setting. My DD seemed otherwise happy at her nursery, but I ended up moving her a few months later to a setting nearer home. It was a smaller, friendlier environment and although she was still "shy" with adults she did start to talk a bit more and with hindsight I wish I'd have moved her sooner. If moving him is not an option, perhaps reducing his hours would be.

Also, you could try googling "selective mutism". This is not a developmental issue, rather a case of social anxiety. Where the nursery have assessed him as being at 20 months, is this due to him not speaking? My DD is in Reception at school now, and the teacher put her down as making "slow progress" in certain areas because she won't verbally given an answer, rather than because she doesn't know it!

No wonder he doesn't speak while he is there, they sound like a shower of bastards.

Why didn't they tell you about the assessments? That is appalling, I think they are the ones with the speech problem if they didn't tell you that he hadn't spoken in MONTHS! What was said when you pick him up every day? Did he have a good day? Nobody thought to mention that he was not speaking??

I would sit down and write a letter of complaint about the lack of communication, with the help of the ladies here who are a lot more eloquent than me, and make sure this never happens again. That is an appalling way to deal with a family.

Regarding his extra needs, I dont see how the nursery have a full picture of the situation without knowing what he is like at home or even speaking to his parents so I would get a copy of his reports to date and look into getting your own assessment done. Best of luck with everything.

I would be furious with them for the way they have handled this and getting copies of past reports and an understanding that you want to be involved next time he gets assessed - rather than withdraw him immediately from all further assessments, I would want to ensure I was at the next one, to be able to talk to the assessor myself - with a long list of things I wanted to query with them - rather than just getting an occasional report out of the blue.

I would also be turning it around on the nursery in two ways that they are failing:
1 - lack of communication to you that there was a problem or that they were getting assessments done, not passing assessment results on etc
2 - if he has been there for several months now, why does he not feel confident enough there to talk when he is a bright and confident, talkative child at home? I would be worried that there was something going on - that he didn't like one of the staff, that he was being bullied by another child, that another child always wanted to play with him when he wanted to do something different etc etc And they don't seem to recognise that there is a problem or that they need to do something to figure out what - calling in an assessment as a first reaction sounds a very lazy reaction in the circumstances. However maybe for their ofsted rating or ??? it's easier for them to dismiss him as being very behind rather than admit that they are not able to bring out the best in him - or indeed bring out anything at all in him by the sound of it!

Good luck in getting them to listen to your complaints and acting on them!

I was selectively mute nursery at around 2.5 years old. I remember it vividly but can't put into words why I didn't talk.... I just didn't feel happy or relaxed, it felt like everyone else belonged there but I somehow didn't. I definitely was not happy there but told my parents I was because I didn't want to cause any problems.
My parents did nothing. I went to a different nursery when I was 3 and liked it and talked.
i think I'm trying to tell you not to worry too much about your DS- he sounds like me (people always commenting on my politeness out and about but real chatterbox at home) and I think I turned out ok!
I would be really unhappy with the lack of communication from nursery and would probably take him out for a bit and find somewhere else.
Hope it all works out