desperately sad..nursery sent home Eyfs specialist guidance and assessment inclusion officer report. why.? what does this mean?

[samzaffar123]

Please help. I have one 3 year old boy recently starting day nursery eg 4 months ago. He's just had a specialist guidance assessment from the county councils assessor. Why.? Is this normal for all children.?the report states he doesn't use words doesn't communicate and just relies on waiting for adults to help him. He's the exact opposite at home and am very upset to read the report, and to learn he was undergoing an assessment without my knowledge? Please advise. Is this normal due to recent government changes or is there something wrong with my baby that I don't know about?

They say it's under control now ...didn't want me to panic but they will get there with him in the end. He's built a relationship with them apparently. They want to reassure me his hours are fine he needs long hours for routine and consistency and if I pull him out or reduce his hours this could affect him more negatively rather than positively.

Have they defined what they mean by 'under control'? Has there been documented progress? Is he no longer completely mute? Communicating his needs in some other way successfully? If not these are meaningless words.

As for taking him out of this setting being detrimental than I don't think it will be the case if it is the setting that is causing him anxiety. I moved my own DC at 3. He was happier. My friend moved her DC, at a younger age. Ditto. Funnily enough my own DC has progressed better with some class teachers than others. I have see a marked difference between classes a couple of times. I don't think this is unusual. Remember you pay for nursery. Changing nurseries is your choice.

he hasn't started talking capsium no. He's still mute. He doesn't speak to the other children he's just Always watching them or playing on his own. He finds a corner within the room and lies down on the floor apparently. They are worried about this. He plays on his own whilst lying down cheek to the ground.

So it does not sound like they have this under control, IMO.

I think your holiday will be a good break. You could take him out and then send a letter (by registered post if you wish) withdrawing him from immediate effect. Then take him to play centres and playgroups, swimming lessons, other classes, story time at the library. Maybe try a childminder who looks after other children too. See how he is. Speak to your HV/GP if you are still concerned. See if any other members of your family will take him to anything, without you or you op out to do some shopping / for a coffee. Then you can enrol him at another nursery, when there is space.

If this sounds less stressful to you than remaining with the current nursery, do it.

I have to say I'd be steaming if nursery had kept something back about DD because they "didn't want to worry me". I'm her mother; I get to decide if something does/does not worry me.

Honestly, I'd take him out of there - it doesn't sound like he's happy or engaged and he deserves to be both. Out of interest, have you thought about talking to your health visitor? Another perspective might be helpful.

Don't like their rationale about him doing long hours there

Nursery absolutely stepped over the mark with their lack of communication, I would of ell utterly betrayed if I was entrusting my child to their care , for hours at a time, over a period of months and they had concerns, had gone to the trouble of organising assessments (how did they explain this to your ds, how was he assessed, who performed the assessment, were familiar people present ) and they went through that process not once but serval times? I am utterly aghast. I work in in child development and assessment and an assessment performed in this way without parental presence and consent is in y opinion absolutely incomplete and invalid.
I would go as far as to say there is a child protection issue here with the lack of disclosure there from the nursery. Not alone with I be fuming but heads would roll. Te attitude of he the nursery staff you have described is beyond arrogant and ignorance (in the true meaning of lack of knowledge ignorance ). Complain complain and Complain again until you are listened to. ...... The very fact that after 4 , yes 4 month s, 3 assessments, and no communication - you were then informed via a report slipped into his bag- no explanation. Where I work freedom of information would, dictate that the writer of the report must be present to explain the report and findings, also you were left to stew and stress over 2 days .
It s incomprehensible. There surely must be some nhs, department of educations, OFSTED of whatever regulations in place.

I think your holiday is at a great time and that the nursery are beyond awful. Their patronising half apologies for assessing your child without your knowledge and therefore not assessing meaningfully merely sound like they want their funding source to continue. Honestly it is beyond awful that your boy has struggled to settle and that this hasn't all been part of an on going dialogue between you.

My dd was mute for a while at her nursery and our experience was so different, the warmth and communication probably helped resolve the issue and she loved it there but I had real confidence in the staff. No one could have that in the staff here.
Remember that no child who is well cared for 'needs' nursery. I use them because I needed to return to work but they don't do anything better for well cared for children, when it doesn't work then they are clearly doing less well.
I hope you have a good holiday and find better provision when you are both ready. Incidentally my mute and watchful dd blossomed into a confident and articulate person whose watchfulness now reflects her keen emotional intelligence and interest in the world around her.

Dad says you do what's best. Sadly dad doesn't tell me to keep him in or out just do what you think best. I would have wanted a little more support. He's very cautious not to make me any more anxious. it's probably easier to do what you've suggested capsium actually. It would never be burdensome to take time out for my pumpkin. Only issue about taking him out whilst on holiday or after the holiday is that I'd still have to pay the month he's not there. Whereas withdrawing him next week means no extra payment then we go away week later.

I feel so sad reading this.
I think you should take him out.
He is only 3 and it sounds as if it is all too much for him.
He would probably be much happier in a smaller setting or with a childminder.
The nursery probably want him to do long hours because they make money that way.

Why does he need to be in nursery full time?
I may have missed this in the thread, but are both you and his dad working long hours?

I don't want to go against the grain but if you are tying yourself in knots and doubting the benefits of this place to your son then don't mess around, just get him out of there.

My ds had problems settling into nursery and the first one we tried wanted to get him assessed by access and inc which we originally agreed to despite in our hearts not feeling there was anything to worry about. We ended up changing schools over the summer and while the first nursery quite obviously felt we were "running away from the problem", ds had no problems at his new nursery as he had matured a bit by then and is now doing very well indeed.

We discussed ds and the situation in depth with his new teacher who agreed that the previous school were approaching the SEN route which she didn't feel was appropriate for him at all.

My advice would be to try somewhere else. Not all settings are right for all children. Early intervention is obviously a good thing and not something to be feared but if you don't believe he needs it, don't be afraid to speak up.

With the coming holiday I think on balance I would take him out now, and enjoy some time with him. I don't feel that the nursery has his best interests at heart, tbh. I feel as others have said that perhaps they're more concerned about the money aspect.

Regarding taking him out op it is as easy as ringing to tell them you are withdrawing him and sending a letter in confirmation or handing over a letter to that effect upon pick up.

If the timing for payment means that withdrawing next week means you pay less, I would do that. Tbh I would probably no want my child to stay somewhere that causes him so much obvious anxiety which the staff are unable to resolve or even manage (as yet even in part) over the 4 months he has been there.

I'd take him out. This nursery isn't meeting my minimum criteria of "do they know my child and have an idea of how to interest him?" Sounds like they want him to do long hours just for the money, tbh.

I work a 9 to 5 job and dad works nights. I come home, do hand over then he goes to work. His last day will be next Friday you are all right. They haven't understood my baby...his needs. ..his wants. ..his development ...he was just a number if not a nuisance to them. I've asked him again tonight about nursery and he mentioned he didn't play with the play dough today but he went out for a walk etc. They made some cupcakes etc he was telling me for comic relief sales etc. He understands clearly therfore what's going on but they've made me feel so guilty that taking him out or reducing his hours will impact him a great deal to his detriment. .that am thinking omg what if I take him out...he goes to the new nursery in September but becomes worse there through negative behaviour?

Sam, remember they've known your child for 4 months only, and in that short time have demonstrated that they don't know how to support and develop him. You know him best. Don't worry about their opinion, especially as they have a financial interest in persuading you to keep him there.

Any decent nursery will be able to support him and nurture him.

Why would it be to his detriment? If they have not being able to communicate effectively with him for 4 months or you to see how to help the situation? Where he spends a lot of time lying on the floor? No one fully explained why he was soiled upon pick up. They are not effectively caring for him or educating him.

There are playgroups, classes, library sessions you will be able to take him to. Probably some good child minders in your area too. Other nurseries. You can ask your GP, HV about his speech if you are still worried, ask about SALT referral.

If there are still problems at the new nursery you will have gained valuable information concerning how your son behaves across a range of settings. It will strengthen the case for support, if he needs it.

I honestly wouldn't worry that it would effect him negatively by removing him. He comes to no harm with you and is happy and communicative in your care. This is not the case at the current nursery.

He may take a while to settle into another setting, but as previous poster said - if he behaves the same it strengthens your case in getting support. I highly doubt another nursery would behave as awfully to you and him and I'm sure you'd have your feelers set to high alert anyhow after this experience that you'd pick up quickly if things aren't right in a new nursery so hopefully that can reassure you.

I moved DS from a private outstanding offsteded nursery - to a community needs improvement one - but he's happier, I feel safer, they communicate with me etc, I don't really feel the ofsted reports are much to go by now because any individual child might respond differently.

Yes you are right. I know my own baby I know him better than anyone. That's not his normal self lying on the floor getting through six hours a day without speaking or smiling or laughing. They haven't told me about his behaviour. Bubbles your comments are equally valid about removing your child from an outstanding setting. I've learnt to understand that's not necessarily what one should act upon.

Just to emphasise - with both my kids I was asked in detail what they like to eat, how they communicate they need the toilet/potty/new nappy, what they like and dislike doing, and how they act when they are happy/sad/tired, and general indication of what they can do in terms of speech, getting dressed, etc.

If there was a huge discrepancy like "happy and chatty at home" versus no speech and doesn't interact at nursery I'd expect a chat by the end of day two on how to encourage the child and his special interests, and updates at least once a week even if it was just a couple minutes at collection time.

He's not gaining much from this nursery, and there's plenty of alternatives in your circs. Enjoy your holiday.

Sam, you are doing the right thing taking him out. That behavior sounds far and away what he's like at home to the extreme, this environment is not good for him. Start looking for a CM, preferably one who might take the children to a toddler group/play group once a week so that she/he can be with him and help him to interact with others.

As for playdates, this can still be done. There is another parenting forum (I'm sure you know the one... I can't say it on MN ) where they have a Meet a Mum section. Where I live MN didn't have a page for my local area so I had to resort to the other website. I met two of my very close friends through that page, saying that I was looking to meet other parents with children my DD's age. I was very insecure as a new mum and didn't want to go out, but by doing that it really did change me. Your situation is different, but it's still an opportunity to meet others.

By the way, your little man sounds amazing!!