I’m pregnant…. And I’m having an abortion

[xxmumof2]

Handhold please.

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant (not sure how far along yet) and I’m completely in shambles. This baby was not planned whatsoever. I take the contraceptive pill but I am completely dosy when it comes to taking it. I suppose you could say it’s my own fault I’m pregnant, but I really could do without hearing that right now - I already know that.

I have 2 children, a 6 year old boy from a previous relationship, and a toddler who’s just turned 1 with my current partner. Our living conditions are not the best as it is, we are living in a 1 bed flat with 2 kids, however we manage with this (just about). The idea of having another child in here is just ridiculous - my 2nd child was already a push, but again, we manage with this.

in addition to living conditions, I also had premature rupture with baby 2, at 24 weeks, which led to weekly hospital visits, induction at 37 weeks, and I developed sepsis and had to stay in hospital. I’m lucky my baby made it to 37 weeks - most babies with this are very premature and unwell, which I was prepared for during diagnosis.

The chances of the same thing happening to me in this pregnancy would be high. I don’t want to get sepsis again and possibly leave behind my 2 boys I already have. I don’t want to be terrified 24/7 of my waters breaking early and having a poorly baby.

For the last 9 months, I’ve been receiving help and treatment for extreme generalised anxiety disorder and some depression. I’m currently going to CBT and taking Duloxetine. I had ongoing chest pain which I’m waiting for heart echo results for, but when going to a&e and speaking to the cardiac specialist, nothing was found to be wrong with it so far - It’s looking very much like it’s brought on by anxiety. I also suffer severe panic attacks.

If you add all of these things together, it would be completely unreasonable to have another child. My mental health has never been gleaming, but I am able to cope well taking care of the 2 children I have now - However, my mental health took a horrific dip after birth with my 2nd. I’m only just starting to get a bit better and minimise the amount of panic attacks I’ve been having. I know having another baby would make these worse, and it wouldn’t be fair to the baby, or to the children I already have.

In the same sense, I’m completely shattered and upset that abortion appears to be my only choice. Looking at my 2 children now, I couldn’t imagine life without them, and I would always wonder who this child would have turned out to be. I take things very hard and I’m worried for the state of my mental health after realising I am going to have to abort my baby. I don’t know what to think. Please can anyone give me some advice? I feel sick.

Just sending a handhold. I think its the right decision, even though its awful to go through. You are being truthful with yourself about your ability to cope and the potential impact on your body and mental health. You are putting the well-being of your 1st 2 children at the forefront.

At the same time you are allowed to feel grief and sadness at this small potential child who can't come into the world right now. I also second about getting counselling. I had an abortion when a young teen, I still feel deep sadness and regret but on balance it was probably the least worse option in that moment.

It's a horrible choice to have to make, but sometimes we have to decide on the probability of what is best for all involved - including you.

Be gentle with yourself and enjoy your children in the here and now.
I think the vast majority of people would understand you're in a pretty impossible position to carry on your pregnancy.

Hugs to you.

Come back and update us if you can over the next few days. Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts x

Where have all the forced birthers appeared from? Never used to be this number of women-haters around.

Let me guess @greenthai you're based outside the UK?

Reported. Again.

Reported again. Please ban this one MNHQ

Reported.

I don’t know what exactly is going on on this post, but amongst the supportive comments, seem to be some very unhelpful ones. I do not welcome anti-abortion people on my post and saying I’m cruel or anything like it is not going to help me nor change my mind.

As for “what have I done about the housing” - stop being so dense. If you had any sense you’d know I was under council housing and anyone in this country right now knows the amount of people are on the waiting list. You don’t just “get offered” a house just like that no matter how hard you push. I have done what I can to remove myself from this situation but unfortunately I am unable to force a council to offer me a home!!

I did not move into this flat with any children but fell pregnant at 18 with my first child not long after moving here! This flat isn’t appropriate for children but I wasn’t able to get out! I was offered this property under extreme circumstances at the time, as I was actually classed as homeless before being here, so living here is not the worst option of all, I know!!

Keep your stupid idiot opinions of both abortion and housing to yourself when you don’t know anything.

FYI - the pregnancy is a massive health risk to me, so the overcrowding isn’t even the only reason for abortion anyway!!!

Don't let them get to you op, and don't feel you have to justify yourself. You're a decent person doing the right thing by your children and yourself.

Hey OP. Don’t pay any attention to that poster who’s had their posts deleted. They were on multiple threads last night saying similarly nasty things - even on posts where abortion wasn’t being considered, and they also created a couple of threads on related subjects (unplanned pregnancies, pregnancy where the father changes his mind etc) that started out pretty typical for mumsnet and then rapidly got weird. Mumsnet have deleted their posts and threads and banned that account. Definitely someone who was out to upset people on purpose.

@PercytheParkKeepershedgehog I see - I often wonder where people get the time, or why they feel the need, to troll other people and say such nasty things. Unhappy in their own lives I guess.

You don't have to justify your decision to anyone.

Ignore the arseholes OP. We have your back.

The internet is FULL of anti abortion extremists, I was wary of any idle googling when I needed mine.

Just wanted to say that I woke up thinking of you OP, and even though I'm not a believer I sent you a prayer.

Imagine you are surrounded by the care and understanding of a large circle of women. Apart from the odd bods with extreme views, the vast majority of women can appreciate why you'd take this decision and also all the emotions that come with this.

Not that any woman needs to justify her decision but you know what I'm saying. You are held here.

And thanks to @MrsTerryPratchett for holding the space and fending off deep unkindness. We will not be needing any of that here!

@Alltheyearround Thanks so much I really appreciate it. I don’t understand why people do things like that. I couldn’t imagine ever leaving nasty comments on somebody’s post and making them feel crap. I can’t believe there’s people who enjoy that!

@NutellaEllaElla The fact that women still have to deal with that in 2023 is crazy. You’d think we had moved on with the times by now.

Hi all. My pack arrived yesterday with everything in it. I’m going to take the first pill on Tuesday and the other ones on Wednesday evening when DP arrives home from work. I’ve had awful nausea and vomiting with the pregnancy so far and can’t keep anything down. Feeling weak so I got a prescription for anti sickness meds today from the GP to tide me over until Wednesday.