Handhold please.
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant (not sure how far along yet) and I’m completely in shambles. This baby was not planned whatsoever. I take the contraceptive pill but I am completely dosy when it comes to taking it. I suppose you could say it’s my own fault I’m pregnant, but I really could do without hearing that right now - I already know that.
I have 2 children, a 6 year old boy from a previous relationship, and a toddler who’s just turned 1 with my current partner. Our living conditions are not the best as it is, we are living in a 1 bed flat with 2 kids, however we manage with this (just about). The idea of having another child in here is just ridiculous - my 2nd child was already a push, but again, we manage with this.
in addition to living conditions, I also had premature rupture with baby 2, at 24 weeks, which led to weekly hospital visits, induction at 37 weeks, and I developed sepsis and had to stay in hospital. I’m lucky my baby made it to 37 weeks - most babies with this are very premature and unwell, which I was prepared for during diagnosis.
The chances of the same thing happening to me in this pregnancy would be high. I don’t want to get sepsis again and possibly leave behind my 2 boys I already have. I don’t want to be terrified 24/7 of my waters breaking early and having a poorly baby.
For the last 9 months, I’ve been receiving help and treatment for extreme generalised anxiety disorder and some depression. I’m currently going to CBT and taking Duloxetine. I had ongoing chest pain which I’m waiting for heart echo results for, but when going to a&e and speaking to the cardiac specialist, nothing was found to be wrong with it so far - It’s looking very much like it’s brought on by anxiety. I also suffer severe panic attacks.
If you add all of these things together, it would be completely unreasonable to have another child. My mental health has never been gleaming, but I am able to cope well taking care of the 2 children I have now - However, my mental health took a horrific dip after birth with my 2nd. I’m only just starting to get a bit better and minimise the amount of panic attacks I’ve been having. I know having another baby would make these worse, and it wouldn’t be fair to the baby, or to the children I already have.
In the same sense, I’m completely shattered and upset that abortion appears to be my only choice. Looking at my 2 children now, I couldn’t imagine life without them, and I would always wonder who this child would have turned out to be. I take things very hard and I’m worried for the state of my mental health after realising I am going to have to abort my baby. I don’t know what to think. Please can anyone give me some advice? I feel sick.