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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

I’m pregnant…. And I’m having an abortion

104 replies

xxmumof2 · 29/09/2023 17:18

Handhold please.

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant (not sure how far along yet) and I’m completely in shambles. This baby was not planned whatsoever. I take the contraceptive pill but I am completely dosy when it comes to taking it. I suppose you could say it’s my own fault I’m pregnant, but I really could do without hearing that right now - I already know that.

I have 2 children, a 6 year old boy from a previous relationship, and a toddler who’s just turned 1 with my current partner. Our living conditions are not the best as it is, we are living in a 1 bed flat with 2 kids, however we manage with this (just about). The idea of having another child in here is just ridiculous - my 2nd child was already a push, but again, we manage with this.

in addition to living conditions, I also had premature rupture with baby 2, at 24 weeks, which led to weekly hospital visits, induction at 37 weeks, and I developed sepsis and had to stay in hospital. I’m lucky my baby made it to 37 weeks - most babies with this are very premature and unwell, which I was prepared for during diagnosis.

The chances of the same thing happening to me in this pregnancy would be high. I don’t want to get sepsis again and possibly leave behind my 2 boys I already have. I don’t want to be terrified 24/7 of my waters breaking early and having a poorly baby.

For the last 9 months, I’ve been receiving help and treatment for extreme generalised anxiety disorder and some depression. I’m currently going to CBT and taking Duloxetine. I had ongoing chest pain which I’m waiting for heart echo results for, but when going to a&e and speaking to the cardiac specialist, nothing was found to be wrong with it so far - It’s looking very much like it’s brought on by anxiety. I also suffer severe panic attacks.

If you add all of these things together, it would be completely unreasonable to have another child. My mental health has never been gleaming, but I am able to cope well taking care of the 2 children I have now - However, my mental health took a horrific dip after birth with my 2nd. I’m only just starting to get a bit better and minimise the amount of panic attacks I’ve been having. I know having another baby would make these worse, and it wouldn’t be fair to the baby, or to the children I already have.

In the same sense, I’m completely shattered and upset that abortion appears to be my only choice. Looking at my 2 children now, I couldn’t imagine life without them, and I would always wonder who this child would have turned out to be. I take things very hard and I’m worried for the state of my mental health after realising I am going to have to abort my baby. I don’t know what to think. Please can anyone give me some advice? I feel sick.

OP posts:
NutellaEllaElla · 04/10/2023 20:41

Hi @xxmumof2 , how are you?

Original poster
xxmumof2 · 04/10/2023 20:42

@NutellaEllaElla Hello :) I’m ok, spent most of today vomiting, unsure if it’s a bug or morning sickness. I spoke to the nurse this morning and my tablets are being posted out to me. I will be taking them next Thursday when partner is home from work.

OP posts:
NutellaEllaElla · 04/10/2023 20:44

Well done, I've been thinking of you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/10/2023 20:48

I just wanted to come on and say that it's important to understand that sometimes there is no 'right' choice, just several wrong ones and you pick the least wrong for you. In this case continuing the pregnancy is risky and could mean you aren't there for your older two. So adoption is also out. To say nothing of the immense and sometimes devastating issues with adoption.

You've made the sensible, least wrong choice. But that doesn't mean you won't feel sad, angry, upset.

All the best.

heldinadream · 04/10/2023 20:56

Good luck @xxmumof2
I wish you all the love, care and support you need to help you through this, and hope for you the swiftest, easiest recovery, on every level. Flowers

MedievalNun · 04/10/2023 22:03

@xxmumof2 thinking of you, semding a hug.

Original poster
xxmumof2 · 04/10/2023 22:04

Thank you so much everyone. I’ll update the thread when I have took the pills and let everyone know if the process went ok and I’m safe. Thanks to everyone for their concern and kind words at a distressing time.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 22:06

My advice is to use the counselling sessions which will be offered to you when you book with the abortion provider, they will really help you come to terms with the situation and process your feelings about it.
Lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 22:07

xxmumof2 · 29/09/2023 17:29

Thank you so much everyone. I know it’s the right thing to do, for the sake of the baby, myself and my current kids. But I’m still sat here in tears, some feelings of guilt and some plain upset I have to get rid of my own child - Is this normal? To feel upset and grief even though your choosing to get rid?

Of course that's very normal! It's a sad situation and also your hormones are everywhere at the moment xx

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 22:08

xxmumof2 · 29/09/2023 17:49

Having this baby could put my life at risk and, to think of my kids, particularly my 6 year old (as he’s older, understands more and has had his mum with him for 6 years) for me to not be here anymore because of it, would break my children’s hearts, especially the eldest child. There’s no guarantee I’d have premature rupture again, or how it would go next time around, but it’s still a risk to take, a risk more than someone without previous rupture would have. I’m only 25, I can’t risk my life even for the sake of my own self at this age. I hope I don’t sound selfish.

You don't sound selfish, but your actual
Life is something that you're allowed to be selfish about! And to prioritize over a potential life x

Lizzieregina · 04/10/2023 22:09

I’m really sorry. I can’t imagine what a difficult choice this is for you, but you really do need to take care of yourself, and another pregnancy would not be good for you.

My son had bad panic attacks and I wouldn’t wish those on my worst enemy. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to go back there.

Please be gentle with yourself.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 22:09

@Creepyrosemary her health is too much of a risk to go through this pregnancy could kill her - she knows that adoption is always an option but I don't think it's much of a choice for her given her health situation

greenthai · 04/10/2023 22:09

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greenthai · 04/10/2023 22:10

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 22:10

I agree that your husband needs a snip
Your body has been through enough it's his turn now

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 04/10/2023 22:16

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 22:10

I agree that your husband needs a snip
Your body has been through enough it's his turn now

Second this!

heldinadream · 04/10/2023 22:18

@greenthai reported.

greenthai · 04/10/2023 22:19

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heldinadream · 04/10/2023 22:22

@greenthai reported you for being insensitive and unsupportive.
I totally support OP's decision. I in no way want to ignore her feelings. You are critical of her, when she's already having a hard time. It's not helpful.

greenthai · 04/10/2023 22:23

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heldinadream · 04/10/2023 22:27

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No for saying What have you done for your over crowding? and Yes it's normal because you are ending the life of your child. It's not brave.

lizzaliza · 04/10/2023 22:31

OP I just wanted to say you don't have to do this if you don't want to. Even if everyone says it's the sensible and rational things to do etc etc - you don't have to do it. It wouldn't make you "selfish" (isn't that just the ultimate guilt-trip word we put onto women to get them in line!). Things could also work out and solutions be found. Please listen to your gut feeling and do what YOU want to do. Either way I wish you the best - I can't imagine what turmoil you must be going through right now.

greenthai · 04/10/2023 22:33

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greenthai · 04/10/2023 22:34

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Marblessolveeverything · 04/10/2023 22:34

Sorry to hear you are in this situation. You sound like you have given the choice a good deal of thought, and extremely valid reasons.

I would imagine most women who have had a termination could advise that even if it the right thing there is regret, grief and worry. I would take it that this in a way means you are processing the situation, which is healthy.

Wishing you a healthy recovery, is there some support available local? In Ireland here so we are very new to the processes here.