@Soconfusedandsadx
You need to write down the positives
- you have managed to make a very big decision under difficult circumstances
- you have sought and got help for yourself which requires strength
- you are managing to parent 3 children
- you are still managing to go to work
In short you are an incredibly strong and resilient woman to have coped thus far.
It is still very early days in the grief of the loss of the relationship and dealing with betrayal. That is before you get to dealing with a difficult pregnancy, morning sickness, history of mental health issues.
It is a lot for anyone to cope with. Keep taking the medication, keep going to therapy, keep reaching out for all the help you can muster. Ask for family support and for more help from the ex husband with the existing kids.
Take it one day at a time, develop a list of things to do/routine and just focus on that.
As to how your mental health will be, how you will bond with your daughter, any other big decisions. It is too early for that. Too big. And you shouldn’t be putting yourself under further stress and pressure contemplating any of it, because you need your energy to deal with what is happening today.
I know it’s shit. But you have shown great strength of character thus far. Have faith in that and be kind to yourself.
If it were me I would get GP to sign me out on the sick until the start of maternity (if possible), go on maternity, and ask for them to switch you offices whenever you go back. Or consider other work whenever you are ready.
Please hold tight to all the hands held out to you, both in real life and on this thread. Everything is going to be ok. 💐