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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Partner now wants me to abort at 13 weeks

242 replies

mumlife18 · 19/07/2022 19:36

So anyone who hasnt read any of my previous post. I found out i was having twins at week 6.
My partner and I discussed options, so i booked an appointment at the clinic. When we got there he persuaded me not to do it.
after that visit my whole mindset has changed. I just had my 12 week scan and i fell in love with them instantly.
Today my partner has changed his mind and said
i either abort them and keep the relationship or keep them and have no support what so ever from him. (We already have a 1 yr old together)
I have rebooked for friday but i feel completely shattered😞 i just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
OppsUpsSide · 19/07/2022 19:37

If you go through with it due to his emotional blackmail do you think your relationship with him will survive?

ClassSize2022 · 19/07/2022 19:37

Oh OP how devastating. How will this impact your relationship long term? Will you ever be able to forgive him?

ShaneTwane · 19/07/2022 19:38

Bin the relationship and keep the babies.

If you have an abortion you absolutely don't want and resent him forever anyway and walk away without a relationship and your twins.

DottyLittleRainbow · 19/07/2022 19:42

Oh this sounds devastating, to be honest your partner sounds quite controlling - persuading you out of a more manageable early termination and then insisting on one now at 13 weeks. What do you want to do? What is your relationship otherwise like? Do you think your relationship would survive the aftermath of a coerced termination?

Blankbias · 19/07/2022 19:43

I’m very sorry for your situation, but only you can decide whether you want to be in a relationship with this person, or want the potential of two new children. I can see how you would not want to break up your current family and go it alone, and I don’t know if this is just a sound off from him and he’s scared (although it’s never right to give that ultimatum, but it might be how he’s feeling, I know a mum who went through a similar situation but from your partner’s POV). I would have a proper think about what you want, and weigh up the consequences, and whether your relationship can survive whatever choice you make, you need to try and make peace with it. Good luck.

whynow32 · 19/07/2022 19:44

Oh OP please keep the babies!

As others have said do you think your relationship will last even if you got rid of the beautiful babies? He's emotionally abusive

Get rid of him. And also take him to court if he doesn't pay you any support. Remind him that there are laws preventing idiots like him not paying support

Clymene · 19/07/2022 19:45

If you have an abortion you don't want, your relationship is dead anyway. Speaking from experience ...

biggreenhouse · 19/07/2022 19:46

the relationship isn't going to last either way . so just decide if you alone want the babies or not..

Original poster
mumlife18 · 19/07/2022 19:46

I really don’t know if it will😔 but without him i worry how i would cope with 3 under 2. He said some vile things to me over text.
When he came home the first thing he said is;
’have you made the appointment’
i said yes
and he replied ‘good’
I have spent all night upstairs sobbing my heart out and i feel sorry for my poor little girl as she’s witnessed it😥

OP posts:
Summerslam · 19/07/2022 19:47

If you don't want to terminate your pregnancy, don't. You will live with remorse and regret if you do. Is your partner simply panicking at the thought of 3 babies under 2?

Original poster
mumlife18 · 19/07/2022 19:49

He said he doesnt want the financial pressure on him and he just wants me to get rid😔

OP posts:
justasmalltownmum · 19/07/2022 19:50

mumlife18 · 19/07/2022 19:49

He said he doesnt want the financial pressure on him and he just wants me to get rid😔

You can remove the pressure by getting rid of him.

JazzyBBG · 19/07/2022 19:50

I'd abort him. Evil mind fucker.

Cervinia · 19/07/2022 19:51

Well he should have thought about that earlier. You do what you want, fuck him.

WhoppingBigBackside · 19/07/2022 19:51

Get rid of HIM. Keep the babies. You'll cope.

sageandrosemary · 19/07/2022 19:52

That's so sickening and imho you need to leave this man no matter what.

I almost had an abortion in a similar situation and he used similar tactics (among others). I'm so glad I didn't.

You have to decide for yourself, nobody else, and it might be very, very tough at times with the little ones but you will cope and get through.

Whitehorsegirl · 19/07/2022 19:53

OP the relationship is over anyway...why would you want to be with a man who is trying to use blackmail/emotional manipulation on you?

Plus he needs to remember that he will have to pay for the upkeep of his kids. Having nothing to do with them is not an option from that point of view.

Get rid of that loser and follow your heart.

akissbeforebed · 19/07/2022 19:54

This relationship is over whatever your decision is and please remember that this is YOUR decision. Whatever happens, you're likely going to be a single mum anyway and will probably be much happier for it.

Prinnny · 19/07/2022 19:54

Well surely the relationship is over now so you need to decide if you want these babies and be a single mum of 3, or stay a single mum of 1.

Perple · 19/07/2022 19:56

Get rid of him and if you want to keep your babies keep them!

he will have legal obligations to provide support - and there will be a way to manage!

saveforthat · 19/07/2022 19:56

You can have my very first LTB. Make sure you get the financial support you deserve if nothing else.

NegativeNelly · 19/07/2022 19:58

I mean I get it , three is more of a burden financially however, he hasn’t gone about it at all right. You are meant to be a team, a partnership that you’d tackle things together and support each other. He doesn’t sound at all supportive OP. You deserve better. If you want them, keep them. Millions of women have children in worse situations. Yes, it may be hard but your love for them will fuel the fight. ❤

duvetfan · 19/07/2022 20:00

He does not get to decide what you do with your body. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you. Please don't let him dictate to you, it's your decision and he will have to provide some financial support whether he likes it or not.

JustCrackinOnPal · 19/07/2022 20:01

I usually wouldn't want to sway someone either way, but I have a feeling your relationship may be at risk of not recovering if you abort your twins.
You clearly want them, and the resentment and anger and grief will likely damage the relationship beyond repair.
Think about how you might feel on the day, a month later, 10 years in if you only ever have 1 child and wanted more?
What if you and him end up splitting anyway?
Also, what if you do have another child, will it trigger you if you'd aborted your twins? Only you know these things OP.
X

notangelinajolie · 19/07/2022 20:01

What a cold, nasty, manipulative, heartless man. It’s clear from what you have written that you want and love these babies. I say get rid of him. Terminating your pregnancy will not save your marriage - I speak from experience. He doesn’t give a shit about you, that won’t change.