Partner now wants me to abort at 13 weeks

[mumlife18]

So anyone who hasnt read any of my previous post. I found out i was having twins at week 6.
My partner and I discussed options, so i booked an appointment at the clinic. When we got there he persuaded me not to do it.
after that visit my whole mindset has changed. I just had my 12 week scan and i fell in love with them instantly.
Today my partner has changed his mind and said
i either abort them and keep the relationship or keep them and have no support what so ever from him. (We already have a 1 yr old together)
I have rebooked for friday but i feel completely shattered😞 i just don’t know what to do.

You don’t want to stay with this man regardless of the babies. Your relationship is dead in the water judging by his behaviour. If you then abort two babies because he wants you to, you’ll never get over the resentment. The two decisions need to be addressed entirely separately - firstly do you want to be in this relationship, and secondly do you want the babies - they are not contingent on each other. If you independently want to abort then that is your decision but it doesn’t sound for a second that you want that.

Gosh be sounds awful. So sorry you’re going through this. I would dump him and keep your lovely babies! I think you’d resent him forever if you had an abortion and the relationship would ultimately end anyway!

Also OP sorry if I sound negative. I’m just playing devils advocate.
Your feelings are one thing but nobody on this thread is concerned about your existing child whom you have the most responsibility to. Just ‘your ‘ feelings.

Oh god no I couldn't be anywhere near a man who behaved like this. Your heart is telling you not to terminate. Listen to your heart ❤

Either way, given how evil he's been, you'd be best off without him in your life. If I was in your position, I know that your partner isn't a man I would be willing to stay with. So I'd be deciding whether to have one child without him or three children without him. In your heart of hearts, if you don't want to abort your children then don't, you'll make it work.

Oh OP I’m so sorry to read this. What a vile man, emotionally blackmailing you at 13 weeks, with no idea (or concern for) what a termination at this stage will look like.

Your body. Your choice. If you want to keep the babies, keep them. And lose him. He’s said some despicable and unforgivable things. Be sure to keep those messages and document his behaviour.

No i completely understand. Thats my main priority as she has been my absolute rock since the get go. Another reason why if i am doing it alone i would have to really think anout her. I got pregnant with twins on the COPPER coil so wasnt expected

Keep the babies YOUR babies, he's out of order for this

Surely the relationship would be over if he made you have an abortion you didn't want anyway? Keep the babies you want.

He sounds fucking awful. Like a previous poster said- you can have my very first LTV too.

It's your choice alone. Sounds like regardless of you having an abortion or not he has checked out, even if you wanted to stay with such a disgusting creature. Please don't make a decision based on his opinions.

For what it's worth I think you would be entitled to UC support for all three of your children judging by this statement from the gov.uk website. "Where the first child of the multiple birth is either the first or second child in the household, we’ll pay a child amount for all the children born as part of the multiple birth."

Do you want to keep your babies? That is the only question you need to answer for yourself.

I speak from experience here (and as a mum of 5 which includes twins) that I totally understand all the anxiety and worry about how you will cope with 3 small children, with or without him, the financial pressures etc I get it I really do. I also know that once you’ve gone through with the termination that unless it was what you wanted and felt like the right thing for you, you will feel a grief and loss that I can’t even begin to describe to you, and once it done it’s all to easy to tell yourself on reflection that actually you could have coped, you could have figured it out with the finances and maybe just maybe he would even have come around if only you’d just been strong enough to hold on and see it through. It’s a guilt and a weight like no other and will kill your relationship stone dead, because you wanted your babies even if you were worried about how you’d cope you wanted them, the root cause and deciding factor in you having this termination was/is him and that is something you will never forgive him for. It’s not something he can ever take back and it’s not a decision you can go back and change and it takes some living with, never mind keeping a relationship of opposing views on the matter going/surviving.

Think long and hard about what you want, if you want the termination I am all for it, twins can be hard and a challenge in more ways than one but it’s also special too. If you don’t want the termination, don’t have it, yes there is lots to worry about and lots to figure out, but you will do it and you can do it with or without him.

Think carefully OP 💐

Jesus Christ that’s truly evil. Waiting until you’d actually seen them in there and heard the heartbeats, evil. If I were you I’d be terrified but I’d keep them.

The people telling her to just “keep the babies” as if you’d all enjoy being a single mother to three under two 🤦‍♀️ Even if she bins him if I were in that position I’d still consider a termination purely because to me it would be hell bringing up 3 kids on my own.

It's up to you whether you continue with the pregnancy op. But I think the relationship is over either way now.

Omg abort him!

I'm not a mum (yet 🤞) but if I was in your position, I'd keep the babies.

Yes it will be hard but it sounds like you have some support around you.

And ignore his hurtful words, everything will be ok. 💐

Your relationship will not last the distance whatever you do next. Even if you don't go ahead with the termination, it could be weeks or months down the line but this relationship will end.

Please bear that in mind whatever you decide.

I'm a single mum and it's hard work (although I don't have twins) but I would not change it. The sense of achievement is like nothing else.

Leave him either way. If you want to keep the babies and it should only be your choice.you will make it work :) Ensure you know your rights. Know where to get support from. Your partner isn’t a keeper though.

@OooErr Regretting an abortion or staying in an abusive relationship would have huge impact on OP’s mental health & in turn would impact current child.

OP could you speak to your health visitor? Perhaps if you explain what’s happening he or she could advise on what support you are likely to get.
Ive had twins & the visits are much more regular. It was quite different to having a single baby.
its definitely not easy but also not the impossible hell that people assume it to be. Once you get the hang of things, and you do, it’s a wonderful experience.
sorry you are in this situation. He’s a piece of work.

He will end the relationship anyway. He has developed a terrible attitude towards you. He is treating you appallingly. He wont stay. Abortion is not your choice here.

it is abort and be a single parent or continue the pregnancy and be a single parent.

check out ‘entitled to’ to see what additional benefits you could get. Check out the cms website to see what he would contribute. And go directly through them as he is a dick.

No matter what you do, OP, ditch that shit of a man.

Big hugs to you.

I’m so sorry you are in this position. Whatever you choose I think your relationship is over. As soon as someone puts their partner in that position I don’t think it can recover. There are lots of things to consider including your child for your decision and I won’t downplay how difficult twins can be especially with a young child already but I would talk to people IRL before your appointment.

Please don’t stay with this manipulative dickhead. He clearly gives zero shits about you.

the question is whether you can cope with being a single parent to 3 or just to 1.

is there somewhere else you can go/family you can stay with to give yourself some breathing space?

You need to get rid of him for sure. Then decide about the babies. I've had pnd and it's absolutely shit but this time you will know the signs and be able to get help earlier. Your mum knows you had pnd so she can look out for it as well. I've never had an abortion and would never judge anyone who did but you really shouldn't have one if you aren't 100% that's what you want. 3 under 2 will be tough but they would all be close in age and in another few years you would have 3 at school age rather than big age gaps and starting again.
He sounds like a complete prick ,don't let your daughter grow up with a father treating her mother like that, what would you say to her if she had a boyfriend speaking to her like that??

If you have a termination you don’t want, your relationship will not survive and you will have the trauma from terminating a wanted pregnancy. That being said, I understand why you are fearful of doing it alone. I’m so sorry OP. I wish you all the best.

Your relationship is over either way.

So, with that in mind, do you want these babies?