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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Partner now wants me to abort at 13 weeks

242 replies

mumlife18 · 19/07/2022 19:36

So anyone who hasnt read any of my previous post. I found out i was having twins at week 6.
My partner and I discussed options, so i booked an appointment at the clinic. When we got there he persuaded me not to do it.
after that visit my whole mindset has changed. I just had my 12 week scan and i fell in love with them instantly.
Today my partner has changed his mind and said
i either abort them and keep the relationship or keep them and have no support what so ever from him. (We already have a 1 yr old together)
I have rebooked for friday but i feel completely shattered😞 i just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Atomicspider · 19/07/2022 20:43

Bin this BASTARD.

IAAP · 19/07/2022 20:44

Summerslam · 19/07/2022 19:47

If you don't want to terminate your pregnancy, don't. You will live with remorse and regret if you do. Is your partner simply panicking at the thought of 3 babies under 2?

Do not let him coerce you into an abortion. I would actually phone the police and say you are being coerced and can they remove him from the house.

having been where you are - except I didn’t have a child. Absolutely do not terminate. My ex kept on and on at me too offering me money etc but actually he hadn’t been involved and never needed to be. You will survive and thrive.

SpotlessMind88 · 19/07/2022 20:45

It's not up to him. It's your body, your choice.
I'm a twin. my mum raised us by herself with the help of her sister because my dad fucked off. I had the best childhood ever. I'm not saying it was easy for my mum, but it can be done. I also have a friend who is a triplet who was raised by a single mother.
dont let him dictate what you should do. Fuck him!

DappledOliveGroves · 19/07/2022 20:46

This is one of the most upsetting threads I've read on here. I'd go with your heart OP - you want the babies so have them. I knew a single mother to triplets - her husband walked out when they were a week old and she brought them up very well without him. If you want your babies you will find a way to manage with them, even if it's a struggle.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/07/2022 20:46

He’s vile OP, he has no right to demand an abortion and he has no right to abdicate financial responsibility for any of his offspring.

Xanthe123 · 19/07/2022 20:48

I’m so sorry OP, this sounds heart wrenching. I agree with the other posters who say this is not a partner you should have (to put it mildly). Bin him either way- I don’t think any relationship can or should survive forcing someone to have a termination. So far as then making your decision (and yours alone), I have a singleton and then twins exactly two years apart, but I am not a single parent. A lot will depend on what the babies are like, but it will be hard, undoubtedly ( you can probably find posts from me on here in those early months saying just how hard! I had pnd too). That said- if you do decide to keep them, can you get a support network in place for those early weeks and months. Would your mum help? (She’s done it before!). Can you move in with her or can she move in with you? Is there anyone else who can give support? Those first months/years are crazy but it gets easier. Mine are now four and two. They are utterly delightful nutcases. The bond between all three is something to see. They give a huge amount of joy. I am fervently pro choice but it sounds to me as though you want these babies. If you do, get systems in place to help you. And your daughter will also benefit- she won’t have as much solo time. But she will have siblings. Either way I wish you a great deal of luck and I hope things get easier for you.

Quia · 19/07/2022 20:48

Whether you keep the babies or not, please don't stay with this man. He sounds an utter prick.

SylvanianFrenemies · 19/07/2022 20:49

He is horrible and abusive. Take him out of the equation. You and your daughter deserve better.

Make the pregnancy decision based on how you want to proceed alone.

SylvanianFrenemies · 19/07/2022 20:50

Quia · 19/07/2022 20:48

Whether you keep the babies or not, please don't stay with this man. He sounds an utter prick.

This is what I wanted to say, but put perfectly!

Trinxsy · 19/07/2022 20:51

I'm a mum to 3, 3 and under which includes twins in there.
I had severe pnd with my first but it didn't happen this time round so it's not a given. It's hard, it's really hard, but you cope. My twins are a blessing, as difficult as they can be.

You will be eligible for support for all three from UC due to baby 2 and 3 being part of a multiple birth. You'll also be able to get the baby grant again (england) if you're eligible due to the multiple birth.

Please don't let any man give you the 'me vs kids' ultimatum. Only you can make the decision you will be happy with. Good luck OP and I'm sorry you're in such a shit situation x

Festoonlights · 19/07/2022 20:52

Your relationship is over.
up to you what you do… how did you see the mouth out of interest?

Dashel · 19/07/2022 20:54

You need to end this relationship now, he is an arse and sounds abusive so you and your dc need to be away from him.

Whether you carry on with this pregnancy is another issue but whatever happens , you need to separate. Does your mum know how toxic he is? You need support to break away and start a fresh life without him putting you down

RaininSummer · 19/07/2022 20:55

Entirely up to you if you go ahead with the twins but either way I think you need to get rid of him. He does not sound nice.

GoldenEclipse · 19/07/2022 20:55

The final choice is yours @mumlife18 . Its your body. Not his. Not your Mums. Whatever you decide to do is the right choice for you.

I think your relationship is over either way.

OooErr · 19/07/2022 20:56

Daydreamsinsantafe · 19/07/2022 20:38

@OooErr Regretting an abortion or staying in an abusive relationship would have huge impact on OP’s mental health & in turn would impact current child.

OP could you speak to your health visitor? Perhaps if you explain what’s happening he or she could advise on what support you are likely to get.
Ive had twins & the visits are much more regular. It was quite different to having a single baby.
its definitely not easy but also not the impossible hell that people assume it to be. Once you get the hang of things, and you do, it’s a wonderful experience.
sorry you are in this situation. He’s a piece of work.

Eh? I said her relationship was over, so we’re all in agreement that she should dump him.

Unless you have a crystal ball, you won’t know what will impact her mental health more. Regretting an abortion? Actually being unable to feed her children? Living in mouldy/substandard accommodation because she can’t afford anything better? Financial pressure can be very damaging.

Of course this is dramatic, but the majority of posters are happily saying ‘keep the baby , you’ll manage’.

Nobody knows for sure. It’s 100% the OP’s choice, led by the support options available to her and her understand of her own emotional triggers. I was just providing a balanced view, which even she agreed with.

2ndMrsdeWinter · 19/07/2022 20:56

Op, whether you abort this pregnancy or not, your relationship with your partner is already dead. He has shown you who is - you’d better start believing him.

It will be tough with three under three; absolutely. But it will get easier with time. Only you know if that’s something you are willing to take on. Do you have much support irl?

LoudSnoringDog · 19/07/2022 20:56

I would abort him. What a selfish prick

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 19/07/2022 20:58

Keep the babies and ditch the father (I use that term loosely)

Sloebluewalls · 19/07/2022 20:59

Abort your boyfriend and not your babies

Maymaymay · 19/07/2022 20:59

You sound like you want them. He is a dickhead and do you think after you abort you would ever be able to look at him in the way? Horrible way to manipulate someone. You will be able to do it for sure!

L0bstersLass · 19/07/2022 21:00

BigCheeseSandwich · 19/07/2022 20:26

“You don’t do anything you’re the most laziest c* I’ve met and you just go on and on plus you’re boring. i want out.”

babies or not … no one should speak to their partner like this. No one. That is disgusting.

Totally agree. The relationship is clearly over either way, isn't it?!
So, the question is - are you prepared to have 3 children under the age of 2 unsupported?
If yes, then I wish you all the very best.
If no, then you have your answer.
Either way, this prince amongst men should not be part of the picture.

Herejustforthisone · 19/07/2022 21:02

He’s a spiteful, abusive, manipulative, controlling cunt. I do hope that helps.

Whatever happens, get him out of yours and your daughter’s lives.

Quartz2208 · 19/07/2022 21:03

GEt rid of him - your relationship is over end it.

Then decide what you want to do for you and your child(ren) and take it from there

DappledOliveGroves · 19/07/2022 21:03

Just to echo a previous poster - I had severe postnatal depression with my first daughter and no PND at all with my next one. It's been a totally different experience. So it's not a given that you'd have PND again. Having said that if you do have the babies and are able to have a good support network then that's invaluable.

Ihatemyroad · 19/07/2022 21:04

Let him walk!

What an utter wanker!

You’ve already said you fell in love with them at your scan. If you go ahead and abort your twins you will never forgive him and the relationship will be over anyway. It may not happen immediately but it will have changed forever.