Partner now wants me to abort at 13 weeks

[mumlife18]

So anyone who hasnt read any of my previous post. I found out i was having twins at week 6.
My partner and I discussed options, so i booked an appointment at the clinic. When we got there he persuaded me not to do it.
after that visit my whole mindset has changed. I just had my 12 week scan and i fell in love with them instantly.
Today my partner has changed his mind and said
i either abort them and keep the relationship or keep them and have no support what so ever from him. (We already have a 1 yr old together)
I have rebooked for friday but i feel completely shattered😞 i just don’t know what to do.

Hi, sorry i maybe didnt correctly write it!
i found out my coil had moved first but had to go for a scan at the hospital as they couldnt find the string and then found out i was pregnant with twins on the scan

Please don’t have a termination if you don’t want one.

You will never forgive yourself, or him and resentment will eventually cause you to split

@mumlife18 I think he's a narcissist who is manipulating you, you need out. Please don't go Friday you have a bit longer to decide.

I think if you tell him you now agree with him, he will change his mind again, he is just making you do the opposite of what you want each time.

Please get help/ ring Women's Aid or your Local Social Services Department. They can and will help you.

He will have to support them financially. I honestly don't think you'll get over this if you are pushed into it.

Do you have family or friends you can confide in?

@Lachimolala his name wasn't Robert, was it? Mine threatened the whole suicide thing

So he has just rang me today and apologised and said he does want the babies but hes scared??? Still doesnt make it okay🙄 i am cancelling my appointment friday to give myself more time to think to make sure i am doing the right thing for me as i think friday is just too soon😞

@mumlife18 could you still attend the appointment on Friday - just to talk to the nurses? I’m sure they will have come across situations like yours so many times.

You do not have to do anything on Friday- I’m sure the nurses and staff their would much rather you attend only if it’s to talk about your options. To vent about your worries. They may even have lots of resources for counselling and help xx

Really hope you are okay. You don’t deserve to be treated like this 💐

That’s good news

So he keeps changing his mind? I would cancel him.

Sounds like the relationship is doomed either way. How dare a man blackmail you!!! You decide what you want to do. He will have to support you whether he wants to or not!

@FlissyPaps
i have cancelled my appointment but i have requested a telephone call with someone to talk through about it.
i just know for me its too soon to make any rash decisions right now.
its so hard when i already feel emotionally attached to them xx

Look, from out here it seems relatively easy.

He has shown himself to be utterly flaky and nasty when the going gets a little tough, Self centred and nasty to boot. He has pratted around with your emotions, health and medical well being for what? Lack of bollocks to have a sit down conversation with you?

You seem all over the place. Not surprising given the run around he has thrown at you. It can't be easy trying to work this through.

All I can say is you need to tell him to fuck off for a week whilst you get yourself in a better place. No contact, no sob stories, no wheedling, nothing. You can arrange contact with your DD via your mum. But he needs to take a BIG step back and stop yanking your emotional chain.

And then take time out to consider the pregnancy and the relationship separately.

Whatever you decide about the pregnancy you need to stop and consider his actions. This is a man who won't ever be there for you when his chips are down. When he perceives his going has got tough he fucks around, changes his mind and blames you for it. Nasty, childish, selfish actions.

Best of luck working your way through this!

@SamphirethePogoingStickerist
luckily i am able to get that space from him as he is working a lot so by the time i get home from work hes already at work and when he gets back im asleep etc.
However, Everything you are saying is completely right. I have made excuses up for him too many times.
I had already been for the abortion right at the beginning but i couldnt go through with it so I’m still not sure i could this time.
if he had said weeks ago he didnt want them or doesnt think we would cope i think i could have got rid of them and recovered from it if you know what i mean. I dont really know what to think at the minute i just feel all over the place xx

Really glad you’ve requested a phone call❤

Being able to talk about things in person, especially with a professional (who will 100% understand and be able to advise you without judgement) -will be extremely beneficial for you.

You definitely do not have to make any rash decisions right now. You need a bit of time to really process what’s going on.

He also doesn’t need to be making any rash decisions, and especially not any coercion or blackmailing you into doing anything.

He owes you support, maturity, love and compassion. If he can’t give that to you I would be looking elsewhere.

Really hope your phone appointment goes as well as it can for you. Stay strong x

@mumlife18
absolutely do what you want to do, not what he wants. Sorry but he sounds like a complete controlling bully. If you want the babies then have them no matter what he says. If you don’t thing you could cope or don’t want to continue that’s fine to . Just do what’s in your heart and don’t worry about him . Even if you have to cut him off. Don’t feel bad if you decide to terminate, but do it for you not him. X

Why is he the one deciding what to do? He sounds awful. You say you're worried about being on your own but really the type of man who acts this way isn't one who'll likely stay around. I'd definitely choose the children over him.

Thankyou everyone!
i still feel slightly confused on the best route to go down but im sure i will figure it out.
its so difficult😢

Ive got vertigo from the number of direction changes from you "partner" so far.

He has revealed himself as really nasty, cold, manipulative and immoral through this.

He said to me “You don’t do anything you’re the most laziest c I’ve met and you just go on and on plus you’re boring. i want out.”

He could fk off at any point by the sounds of it, so id make your decisions without any consideration of him whatsoever.

He's a nasty piece of work.

Oh and he can refuse to raise them but ge can't can't to pay for them ... too flg bad.

Incidentally, i think if a woman on the reveiving end of this said "no problem, I'll terminate but on the condition we tell both our families and friends that it's what you want, and that you wouldn't stay with me if I didn't..... you'd see that they would never own this behaviour publicly.

Yet they'll do it privately to the mother of their kids.

He needs gotten rid of, no matter what else you decide.