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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Partner now wants me to abort at 13 weeks

242 replies

mumlife18 · 19/07/2022 19:36

So anyone who hasnt read any of my previous post. I found out i was having twins at week 6.
My partner and I discussed options, so i booked an appointment at the clinic. When we got there he persuaded me not to do it.
after that visit my whole mindset has changed. I just had my 12 week scan and i fell in love with them instantly.
Today my partner has changed his mind and said
i either abort them and keep the relationship or keep them and have no support what so ever from him. (We already have a 1 yr old together)
I have rebooked for friday but i feel completely shattered😞 i just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Namerchangerextraordinaire · 19/07/2022 21:31

How could you continue to have a relationship with a man who thinks like this?

You are not going to forget what he has said no matter what you do & he isn't going to somehow become the man you thought he was before you learned what he is really like.

DahliaBlooming · 19/07/2022 21:31

WTF have I just read? Your partner is a monster. The cruelty he has shown you is just mind blowing. The relationship is over regardless of what route you choose.

Bc155 · 19/07/2022 21:31

If you love your twins, that is your answer. Your partner sounds like a terrible manipulator and is treating you like a dog. You really have no guarantee that he will stay with you - at any point in the relationship. A man who is worth it would not act in this way.

CousinKrispy · 19/07/2022 21:33

I'm so sorry, OP, this is terribly difficult.

Have you ever called Women's Aid?

Do you have any family or friends IRL you could talk to about this?

The crucial thing is that it sounds like your partner is abusive. You need to get the confidence to leave him. Don't stay "for" your DD, growing up in an abusive home sucks.

You might choose to go through with this pregnancy and raise all 3 lovely children. Or you might choose to terminate. You might always feel some sadness and regret about these twins, but you might also feel at peace with the decision and know that you did it so you could provide the best possible life for your daughter.

But the essential thing is to get away from a partner who is controlling, unsupportive, and abusive to you.

DottyLittleRainbow · 19/07/2022 21:33

mumlife18 · 19/07/2022 20:20

Thankyou everyone so far for your lovely comments💗
I myself am a twin so my mum expressed to me that she didnt think i should keep them as its hard and i had pnd where as she was strong willed.
however she has now come round think she was just worried. And honestly at first i was a little unsure myself.
But when I saw them on the scan they were wiggling and one of them kept opening their mouth and it was magical. And my heart felt so full. My scan was yesterday too.
Before i would be really forgiving but this has really done it for me this time.
He said to me
“You don’t do anything you’re the most laziest c* I’ve met and you just go on and on plus you’re boring. i want out.”

OP, he sounds vile, abusive, and like he doesn’t want to pay for 3 children.

Get rid of the boyfriend and then decide what you want to do about your pregnancy.

bloodyunicorns · 19/07/2022 21:33

Wtf? He persuaded you out of a termination at 6 weeks and now wants you to have one at 13 weeks, when it will be much worse for you?

What a controlling, unfeeling knobber.

What do YOU want? Decide based on that.

Keep the babies, apply for CMS?

Big hugs.

ReeseWitherfork · 19/07/2022 21:35

ilyx · 19/07/2022 20:35

The people telling her to just “keep the babies” as if you’d all enjoy being a single mother to three under two 🤦‍♀️ Even if she bins him if I were in that position I’d still consider a termination purely because to me it would be hell bringing up 3 kids on my own.

Yes I hate to say it but this crossed my mind. I’ve got baby twins, plus had a two year old when they were born. I’ve got a completely hands on husband, three sets of parents helping me (mine are divorced plus in laws) and we’ve got ten sets of auntie and uncles either regularly helping or on standby. Plus friends. And professional childcare a couple afternoons a week. And I am still struggling. I can’t look after all three of them alone. It’s taken me a couple of months to accept that but it’s pretty much impossible. So I’m wangling whatever help I can wherever I can. OP keep the babies if you want them, don’t feel any pressure to abort, but really really assess what help you can get. Family, friends, paid childcare, HomeStart.

Londonderry34 · 19/07/2022 21:36

The babies will give you more love and happiness than he ever can. All love and support to you.x

Silverswirl · 19/07/2022 21:36

Awful awful man. What he has said to you is just the lowest of the low.
I had 3 under 2 and it was really hard at first. But having twins is just the most amazing thing. Hard yes but the pay off is so much love and joy.
Do you have any family to help? Your mum? Your twin sibling or any friends? You will need all the help you can get but you can do it OP.

BeBraveLittlePenguin · 19/07/2022 21:37

Twins, you say?

glittereyelash · 19/07/2022 21:37

So sorry you are going through this 😢.

DarkShade · 19/07/2022 21:38

Dump him. Do you want your little girl to see her mum, her role model, be treated like this?

Do what is right for you. If you want the babies, keep them. Your decision, not his. If you go ahead, get advice on how to make sure he pays his share for them. Sadly for him you don't get to wash your hands of kids that you have fathered just because the mum dumped you for being a waste of air.

HailAdrian · 19/07/2022 21:39

I'm sure others have said it but your relationship is fucked anyway. You can make sure he damn well is providing support by contacting CMS, otherwise he sounds like a prick who would only make everything harder. There MUST be support available for single parents of twins ?

Kennykenkencat · 19/07/2022 21:39

You don’t do anything you’re the most laziest c I’ve met and you just go on and on plus you’re boring. i want out*

Surely after this there is no relationship.

I know you have to think of your existing child but if you go ahead with the abortion when it isn’t something you feel is right then I would worry your mental health would be affected and that isn’t any good for your existing child either.

Keep the pregnancy bring to a close the none existent relationship.

i don’t see how you can come back from what he has said and I don’t believe he thinks your relationship will survive.

I suspect he has already checked out. Just trying to exert one little bit of power so he doesn’t look as awful abandoning a woman with 1 child instead of 3 of his children and saving himself a bit of money as well.

To be honest twins will seem like a walk in the park compared to the knots you will tie yourself in trying to please this guy of you stay.
He will I suspect if you go through with an abortion tell everyone you murdered his babies. It’s the sort of thing tossers like him do.

Meklk · 19/07/2022 21:39

Please, don't be so naive, he doesn't give a f* about you, doesn't matter you have one or 5 kids with him.
Do you really see a future with him?
NO!!!!
Leave him and keep twins.

Meklk · 19/07/2022 21:40

Financial pressure? He is not able to buy bloody condoms, what financial pressure he has? Idiot.

Silverswirl · 19/07/2022 21:40

ReeseWitherfork · 19/07/2022 21:35

Yes I hate to say it but this crossed my mind. I’ve got baby twins, plus had a two year old when they were born. I’ve got a completely hands on husband, three sets of parents helping me (mine are divorced plus in laws) and we’ve got ten sets of auntie and uncles either regularly helping or on standby. Plus friends. And professional childcare a couple afternoons a week. And I am still struggling. I can’t look after all three of them alone. It’s taken me a couple of months to accept that but it’s pretty much impossible. So I’m wangling whatever help I can wherever I can. OP keep the babies if you want them, don’t feel any pressure to abort, but really really assess what help you can get. Family, friends, paid childcare, HomeStart.

Show quote history

Gosh! You are so lucky! I had a husband but he was at work from 7am-7:30pm 5 days a week. No parental help. Did get home start for the first few months and roped in a friend to help one morning a week.
Put them all to bed every night in the week from week 3 and pretty much was with them all day every day mostly alone! Didn’t go out really alone for the first 3 months, not even for a walk. Just whenever I could rope in help.
It was very hard in those early days but they soon pass

SiobhanSharpe · 19/07/2022 21:41

OP, I'm sorry but your relationship is clearly already over. He told you so outright - he wants out. And in the middle of an appalling, highly abusive rant to boot.
He gets no say whatsoever in whether you have the abortion ir not.
Only you can decide that.
Can you tell the clinic you are under pressure to have this termination?

tithonia · 19/07/2022 21:42

Whatever you do, don't base your decision on what he wants. As others have said, this relationship is over, anyway. He doesn't respect you, he's insulting, and he's emotionally manipulative. You and your daughter deserve better. You'll have to live with the consequences long after you've kicked him out of your life, so don't let him force you into something you don't want.

Blowthemandown · 19/07/2022 21:43

@mumlife18 get rid of him. Then try and think about whether you want the termination or not; either way it should be your decision, not some who said you’re boring and he wants out.

TolkiensFallow · 19/07/2022 21:43

I think your relationship is over anyway op. Keep the babies. It’ll be ok in the end.

Hesma · 19/07/2022 21:44

sorry to say this OP but I think the real choice is between whether you want to be a single parent with one child or a single parent to three… sending you a big hug

Whereareunow · 19/07/2022 21:47

OP don't terminate at his demand, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Terminations are something available to us to have when we want or need one, they are not something to be pushed into by absolute cunts like your partner.

ladydoris · 19/07/2022 21:47

There is no love no respect, no understanding no support. Not for you. He has removed himself from life that he has conceived and I don't think he will last OP to be honest. You have the the last call when it comes to this pregnancy. You decide, not him whatever he thinks, it's not about him. All my support OP. You are having it tough.

whatfuckinghobbyisit · 19/07/2022 21:49

OP, even if you weren't pregnant, you should leave him because what he said to you about being a lazy cunt is in itself inexcusable. The man is supposed to love you. If he can say that to you, he'll be saying to your DD in due course.

Being a single mother to more than one child is doable. Not easy, but doable.