Post abortion depression counselling

[Threebutterflies]

So I got a message to say there should be availability soon to start my counselling. It’s a charity that provides counselling for abortion and miscarriages . Really hope that it helps some as it’s horrible living like this. I feel like it’s the same grief as when someone dies , yet with a ton of guilt as it was my decision to end that life . WTF have I done ☹️

@rainbowhedgehog
wow that’s shocking about mumsnet . That’s why I could never ever advise a women either way just try and support her decision. I only found mumsnet because I was Googling help with abortion regret and some threads came up . Also I’d like to say even though these abortion places offer it when you go to the appointment they just ask are you sure and that’s it really . It was so busy at the clinic I went to felt abit like a conveyor belt of women . At the same time I think it should be easily accessible for women to get abortions and thought the pills at home was a better idea ( as my clinic abortion was very traumatic)

I had a mental breakdown in March because of my two abortions and it was so hard trying to find any help . A few people said to phone the abortion provider but for some reason that felt wrong to me . Talking to the same people that caused the problem ( I went through a phase of hating them ) . My counsellor said that’s a common reaction, anger towards them .

Anyway I’m rambling now sorry. Mumsnet has definitely helped me but I can see how it can also be a bad idea to ask advice on here . That poor women I hope she’s doing ok now .

@Threebutterflies just reading your last post I have to agree. I felt like I was given the pills too quickly like they were easily available.

I had a big cry at home today 3 times and also felt like crying in home bargains today. I'd do anything to go back and not take those pills. But maybe it was my fate.

I wish people told me how physically your heart hurts it's horrible.

@heartbroken22
hiya just seeing how you are doing ? Sorry your feeling so bad at the moment . Do you have a partner / other kids ? Have you had any support off anyone ?

Hello lovely ladies, i came across this tedx video a little while ago - at 14.00 minutes he says something that really made sense to me-
i hope it might resonate with you too and make it slightly more easy to come to terms with our actions. Xx

@Springtimecolours
hiya how are you doing now ? I had a watch of the video . It’s good advice and quite interesting. I’ll have another watch of the whole thing later. Have you been feeling any better ?

@Springtimecolours thank you so much for that video. It made me feel a bit better. I do get odd days when I burst out crying but I'm getting a bit better.

@heartbroken22 @Threebutterflies so pleased you both got something out of the video :-)
i’ve had a lot of stuff going on that has forced me to focus on other things, and that has helped dampen down the rawness of the painful emotions a lot. I also am starting to accept that the decision was made, it is done and cannot go back, so really must move forwards, it is the only useful thing i can possibly do right now for myself and my existing children. Life is too short. @Threebutterflies how are you feeling and is the counselling useful? Xx

@Springtimecolours
I also am starting to accept that the decision was made, it is done and cannot go back, so really must move forwards, it is the only useful thing i can possibly do right now for myself and my existing children. Life is too short.

Thankyou, I’m actually going to save this and read it from time to time. I need to be there for my children . I’ve been trying to keep as busy as possible . I have bought myself a little puppy and am putting all
my time into her now so that hopefully she will be a great companion for me . Also I’m hoping we can go for family walks together and get the kids to be more active . She’s actually more work than a newborn and I’m absolutely exhausted lol 😳. But totally worth it and I love her to bits . It’s good to have the counselling but then also try and not think about things all the time like I was before. I guess it’s all part of the healing process. X

@Threebutterflies aww puppy sounds lovely! We want to get one too at some point… really happy you are getting a bit more clarity. It will come and go - just takes practice and patience re-focusing yourself in the healthiest direction for you. One day at a time. Sending hugs xx

Hiya, how are you getting on at the moment?

No one around me is religious, I just have this massive fear about people finding out, abortion was something I always thought I would never do after I turned thirty, and I somehow feel super ashamed like a hypocrite. It's hard to explain, but the fear is somehow irrational :/

I also wanted to say thank you so much for your compliment on my writing, that's very very sweet of you, and made me smile when I first read your message :)

Literally everything you wrote is how I've been feeling, and there I was feeling like what I was experiencing was abnormal!! I'm so sorry you've been going through the same, it's bloody awful. I know this might come across as wrong somehow, but I'm glad to know that that lasted for five months for you (the behaviours and feelings you described in the bullet points). I hope that I follow the same trend.

Lots of love, and thank you for writing to me xx

@Threebutterflies wow a puppy!!! That's so exciting!! She must be keeping you on your toes, and I'd say your children are having an absolute ball with her!

I wanted to tell you that after a fairly shit weekend last weekend I decided to finally start on the sertraline. Ive been on it before, but years ago. It's bizarre, I feel blocked emotionally somehow, like I'm not able to cry or something. I'm still only on 25mg and will start making the increases incrementally. It's hard to explain, but it feels like I need to cry but am "constipated" and can't get the tears out? I don't know. In any case, I've mostly been extremely busy and not had much time to sit and sort of "feel my feelings". I have today off and am lying in bed reading about what stage of pregnancy I would have been at (17 weeks), and about secondary infertility 😥 I know I'm only making myself feel worse, I won't do it for long, but in a way it feels good to be so sad about it again. That sounds super perverse I know.

Sorry I can't reply to everyone on here much at the moment, but I hope you're all doing well, and yous are popping into my thoughts xx

@scaredorganicyoghurt
hiya. I hope the tablets start to work for you. They do take a while to work but worth sticking with it .

I've noticed I hardly cry anymore, at least compared to before. Only on my very worst days I have a good cry. I’ve had a really bad few days so feeling tired.
I know I can hardly give out advice as I’m a
mess myself, but I’d try to force yourself not to look at the pregnancy stages . I just don’t think it will do any good . If you plan on having a baby someday save it for then so it’s something nice to look forward to each week .

I too was feeling ‘stuck’ that the crying had stopped. I have just found out that a close friend is pregnant, she just sent her scan photo etc, the timings are almost identical to mine…. Well i can tell you that the crying came back almost immediately. I am very happy for them but feeling very confused now and disappointed, and now their baby/child is going to mirror what i gave up on and will be a constant reminder :-(

@Springtimecolours
Gosh that must be so hard for you. Can you speak to anyone like a counsellor to get you through this difficult time ? I’ve never been in that situation but it’s bad enough seeing newborn babies in shops etc . Maybe you could start a new thread on here to try and get some support ? x

Thank you @Threebutterflies i think it is something i am going to have to get used to, it’s the initial shock and everything still feels very raw. Thank you for replying to me, it does help writing on here xx

@Springtimecolours I'm the same. I can't even be around babies etc I feel so ashamed of myself. I hope things get easier for us. What's worse is people who I thought are my friends haven't even bothered to check up on me. They're acting like I've done something wrong whereas when they've needed help or been in similar situations I've been there for them x

Oh @heartbroken22 i am so sorry. Please find some comfort knowing that you are not alone, there are so many women like us going through exactly the same thing, and sending out our unity in the world through forums like this. We might not be able to see each other, but we all have the deepest sympathy, respect and understanding of what we are silently going through ❤

I need to stop coming on mumsnet so much. At first it was really helping me as I don’t know any other women in real life going through this (abortion regret). But every other thread now seems to be about how bad abortion is. Or they say I’m pro choice but would never have one . Or a thread today saying it’s a terrible practice . I’m not complaining at people having there own options. But it’s just making me feel more and more depressed.
All day every day I regret my abortions. I really hope all you ladies can get through this and can get on with your lives. But I don’t think I can anymore. Even if I have a few good days I come crashing down again.

Anyway I’m sorry for the rant . I’m having a break but I think about you often. Stay strong and hope you all find happiness and peace in your lives x 💐❤️

@Springtimecolours thank you ❤️ xx

@Threebutterflies I felt the same yesterday but not because of those people. I felt a bit lonely because there wasn't anyone to talk to about my abortion regret. I keep thinking I wish someone stopped me. But going back to my posts with a clear head I can see why I did it. It had to be done at that moment because I felt helpless. Please ignore those those people who tell you how bad abortion is or those that say they're pro choice but would never have it done. I'm religious and I said I'd never had it done. But once those pregnancy hormones start messing with your head and body..you don't know whose making that choice...those people can't comment because they've not been through what we've been through so their opinion doesn't matter. I come on here and read the pregnancy forum, the pregnancy choices one and the miscarriage one after my abortion for some support or strength. I see women who are ecstatic about their pregnancies and some who are not but are feeling other emotions such as suicide, helplesslness etc it's not fair on them. For some mental health goes haywire having all these changes in your body. Mental health is so important. So why would people who have never felt these things or been through it...why should their opinion matter.I'd do anything to have my baby back. I don't care what anyone thinks it's none of their business. It's between me and God. Please do what's best for you and don't let anyones opinion affect you. Don't give them that status.

@Threebutterflies also I hope you stay. I read a lot of your posts and see you support and it helps me much love ❤️

@Threebutterflies sending you strength. Don’t be hard on yourself on the bad days - try to accept them for what they are. I know it’s hard, but no one has it all worked out. Please reach out if you need to. Sending love ❤