Unplanned Pregnancy through 1 night stand

[Cymraeg12]

I’m 31yrs old, had a one night stand with someone that I’ve known for a few years and found out that I’m Pregnant a few days ago. I informed the guy that I was pregnant and said he wouldn’t a a-hole about the situation but once he realised that I was considering keeping the baby, it became all about him, that his family wouldn’t understand the situation as they were old school, that he didn’t want kids yet, that I was being selfish for keeping his baby even though he doesn’t want me too and is pushing me to get an abortion. I don’t think I could go through with it just for him.

Even though I have a supportive family and friends and this baby will never go without…he’s managed to get into my head and I can’t stop wondering now if I’m being selfish because I’ve wanted a child for as long as I can remember, having PCOS makes it harder and I know my age also comes into this at some point. I can’t stop feeling guilty that I will be bringing my child into the world knowing that their father doesn’t want them. I need some help because I feel like I’m in a fog and don’t know what to do!!!

[quote MyOtherProfile]@FreeBritnee I'm guessing she's the mum of the daughter who kept her child?[/quote]
I read that differently. Reading it again i can see I probably read it wrong. Pretty sad that the grandmother feels so negative though about their grandchild’s life.

Have your baby if you want to. There is still help for single parents especially if your child is under 5, ie housing benefit, etc. If he doesn’t want to be involved that’s his loss, and his families. Best wishes

Op is pregnant- not planned... has healtth issues that may make it very difficult to concieve.

Not that difficult apparently and by not taking the MAP it sort of was a bit planned wasn't it....on her part anyway

Yes very sad @FreeBritnee

Only you can know what the right decision is. I would say since you have told your family and started making childcare plans you have made your mind up. Take the father out of the equation completely. He has decided that he does not, at this moment in time want the baby. Keep him in the loop via text with only what he needs to know-when the baby is born for example. If he changes his mind you can evaluate the situation. Apply to the CSA so he at least contributes to the costs.

@bonetiredwithtwins

Op is pregnant- not planned... has healtth issues that may make it very difficult to concieve.

Not that difficult apparently and by not taking the MAP it sort of was a bit planned wasn't it....on her part anyway

You must have missed the post where she said she was TTC for two years with a previous partner.

Jesus christ there are some absolute dicks on this thread

@Iamanicepersonreally

I find it very bizarre that people are saying that the father’s views are irrelevant. The fact that they used a condom indicates that they were trying to avoid a pregnancy. The condom split and at that point, the right thing to do would be MAP. Saying that hindsight is a wonderful thing is very blasé. The father has an equal say in this, but you want to deny him that right. I’m not saying that I think you should definitely have an abortion, but your views are not more important than his.

I agree with this

Extraordinary that so many posters are unfamiliar with the way a man can have complete control over whether he fathers a child. Sex has always come with some risk of pregnancy - condom use is never 100% effective anyway.

Iamanicepersonreally and DixieSun

Condoms break all the time, he could have stayed abstinent if he was so adamant about not wanting a baby. Again, men don't have universal right to sex without consequences. It's really simple.

So many people really think if a man had sex even with a contraception involved then he essentially by default should agree to be a father. Nobody ever said that just because a woman had sex then it means she consented to become a mother

@Iwonder08

So many people really think if a man had sex even with a contraception involved then he essentially by default should agree to be a father. Nobody ever said that just because a woman had sex then it means she consented to become a mother

Apart from the 100's of people here to decide to revert to victim blaming when an abuse victim with children speaks out, I guess...

@LowlandLucky

As the Grandmother to a child that has no contact with their Father, think very hard about how this poor child may feel, being unwanted and unloved by a parent is devastating and can never be fixed, no amount of love from others or a good standard of living can make the situation any better. This is not about you or him, the important one in all of this is the child, they will carry the cost of this mess for the rest of their lives.

I was a child that had no contact with their father, and I agree with all of the above.

This isn't just about what the OP and her ONS want, there's a completely separate human involved here with a right to two loving parents, or at least to not have one parent who actively doesn't want them to exist.

Sounds like the cold would have a good life. Sex purely for recreation comes with risks, so the father doesn't get to dictate terminating a baby because the gamble didn't go his preferred way. It's complicated but I think if the child has a family waiting who want them then it's not irresponsible to bring them into the world though circumstances are not ideal.

FreeBritnee re read the post, where did i say it was my Sons child ? It is in fact my Daughters ex Husband who is the absent Father.

ImInStealthMode I am so sorry you have had to suffer x

MyOtherProfile nit bloody sick to make a child suffer for the rest of it's life just because you want a baby come what may.

FreeBritNee i don't feel negative about my DGD life at all but she does, she doesn't understand why her father doesn't see or speak to her but lives with children he had later. She has had many hours of counselling but still things she is not worthy of his love, no matter how loved and adored she is by the rest of her family ( including her fantastic paternal GPs) she feels worthless because her father doesn't care.

@LowlandLucky

MyOtherProfile nit bloody sick to make a child suffer for the rest of it's life just because you want a baby come what may.

It's tragic you feel your GC life isn't worth living but that's not my experience or that of many other people whose dad was basically just a sperm donor. You're writing off so many people who have very good lives and yes, that's a bit sick.

Congratulations 🎉!

Yes it’s bloody hard being a single mum, most of us don’t plan for this eventuality- at least you know what you’re going in to.

The rest of us discover we married/shacked up with a bellend and end up single mums anyway.

@LowlandLucky

FreeBritNee i don't feel negative about my DGD life at all but she does, she doesn't understand why her father doesn't see or speak to her but lives with children he had later. She has had many hours of counselling but still things she is not worthy of his love, no matter how loved and adored she is by the rest of her family ( including her fantastic paternal GPs) she feels worthless because her father doesn't care.

My kids are the same. We were married at the time but now he sees them once a year if they're lucky. They've needed so much support over their feelings about him, being abandoned/rejected. It's broken my heart.

Solo parenting is soul desroyingly difficult. Physically and emotionally. Add in the feelings of the kids as above and I've been at breaking point more times than I'll ever admit.

You cannot rely on your parents for ft childcare - if you work 9-5 you'll need care to cover your commute too - can you afford ft childcare if it becomes too much for them?

Parenting is not just about a squishy newborn. It's brutal. And goes on for a lifetime. Please consider your future potential child's emotions before your own desire to be a mother. If you can't do that now, you'll struggle to make the lifetime of choices once/if they're born.

It’s so sad reading about these children so deeply affected by their ‘sperm donor’ dad absence. I’d say when I was late teens I went through a brief period of resentment and anger at the fact he wasn’t around or that my mum had to chase him for child support or that he went on to have a family with another woman. But I got over that fairly quickly, because the message from my mum has always been that he’s the problem. He was the emotionally immature child, he behaved in a terrible way - I wasn’t the problem. And I do firmly believe that. My mum has never ever let me doubt that. She also chose a pretty incredible step-dad for me when I was 9 and he taught me what a dad can and should be. That likely helped.

@ImInStealthMode I was also a child with an absent father. It hurts like hell no matter how hard I try to rationalise.

I think we can also say that the totally absent father is a 'worst case scenario '. There is a chance that the father will step up, in some way.

I think kids who only have one parent whether by planning or by accident can be as happy and well adjusted as anyone else and I really don't see anything wrong with purposefully becoming a single parent (by AI?) where the Sperm donor is literally just that but I think chosing to have a baby with a 'Dad' you don't know or you know is reluctant or a jerk is needlessly making you and your child's much more difficult.
I don't know why anyone would take that risk when you could wait and have a baby another time in better circumstances.
A 'rogue' Dad is so much of a wildcard. He is either going to want access or he is going to abandon the child and neither option is ok. Are you seriously going to be ok if he wants 50/50? Because he might and he might have super wealthy grandparent who would find any legal battles..... you just don't know. You've got to look at the long picture not just at when they are babies. Everything is very different when you are dealing with teens and adults. Having a Dad who abandoned you can be a really big issue.

Personally I wouldn't take the risk.
I'd rather go out a shag a completely random guy in a different part of the country from where I live or look into AI.
Obviously some women can't abort for religious or moral reason and that fair enough. I do understand that.