I am facing the most difficult decision of my life and really need some advice. I am pregnant (unplanned contraception failure) and the timing of this is terrible. I have 2 boys already. DS1 is 20 with moderate ASD and learning difficulties, he's been hard work over the years, but is much easier now. DS2 is 9, has severe, nonverbal autism and also has leukemia and is at the start of a 2 year treatment programme. Despite his SEN he is actually not terribly hardwork, is a real sweet boy, but obviously now with his illness requires alot of care.
I have been with my partner for 6 years and he is an amazing step dad and the love of my life and he is over the moon about the pregnancy, despite the timing. I am far less positive about the situation. I don't think I can cope with any more stress in my life. The leukemia treatment is tough- harsh chemo, side effects, endless hospital visits. On top of this there is the issue of autism, which clearly comes from me as my children have different fathers. The chances of another child having autism are around 35% for me. Having a baby in this situation would have things harder, having a child with autism would make things hugely more difficult.
I have a termination booked for tomorrow, but am very undecided and my partner is devastated. Due to my age, waiting until after the 2 year leukemia treatment has finished would probably be too late to ttc.
It's now or never, if I choose not to go ahead with the pregnancy I am choosing not to worsen an already difficult situation, but I will hurt my partner, my rock and take his one chance of having his own child.
Any perspectives/advice please x