Tablets by post?

[StormGrey]

Hello - has anyone got experience please of taking the tablets by post? I just found out I’m pregnant, which is a totally shock. I don’t want to go through my GP and I don’t want to have a face to face appointment or scan. I think it would break my heart to see a baby on a scan, so I think the tablets by post make more sense. I’ve previously taken the MAP, so I’m trying to think of it similarly.

I’ve only had chance to Google Marie Stopes so far and that’s where I saw it as an option. Are there any other private clinics I should contact? Thank you

I'm not sure about tablets in the post but just wanted to reassure you that if you do need to go to an appointment they won't show you the scan unless you ask. You won't see anything if you don't want to. I hope you can get through this as easily as possible.

I've been in contact with BPAS and they can post them out to you or you can collect. You need the initial consultation (over the phone) and to consent to the treatment, or they may suggest counselling beforehand if you're unsure about it all.

If you do need a scan they won't show you anything that you don't want to see. Good luck

I went through NUPAS for mine and got the pills sent to me. I had a phone consultation and was completely confident of the date of my last period. They confirmed I have no medical problems and am on no medication. They also wanted to know my height and weight, which I knew. Pills were sent out that day, arrived two days later.
All the consent I have was verbal. She read out all the forms to me and I said “I agree” after each section. Then I received a letter with the pills saying I had consented to treatment etc.

Thank you all. I called the Marie Stopes hotline earlier. It was a quick phone call to book a consultation. The earliest appointment is next Monday to speak to a nurse. My area has funding under the NHS. I asked if a private appointment would be quicker, but she said it wouldn't be sooner than that, as they're so busy. Also the tablets by post are only provided under the NHS. Private appointments need to be in the actual clinic, so would potentially take longer again to move ahead.

I feel tired, emotionally drained and keep forgetting that I'm actually pregnant. I stupidly thought earlier that I won't think or do anything about the situation. I then spent about 30 mins earlier googling the stats of getting pregnant at age 42. As if that would somehow prove that it's not possible. Then I did a different type of test with the actual words on it, rather than the lines.... undeniably says "Pregnant 1-2 weeks". And now I'm torturing myself by reading the conception board where so so many people would dearly love a baby.

I wish I wasn't in this situation. It's heartbreaking.

@sam433 sure. I was 5 weeks 1 day when I had my phone consultation and 5 weeks 4 days when I took the pills.
Was relatively straightforward. Took the first pill at midday on a Thursday. Had no side effects until the next morning when I felt really sick. Vomited twice and then started bleeding at midday the next day.
Took the second lot of pills the next day at midday, vaginally because I heard there were fewer side effects and I’d already been so sick! Took codeine at the same time and then ibuprofen an hour after. Started bleeding about 2 hours after and lost lots of clots. Only when I was on the toilet though. Passed relatively quickly, within about 6 hours and I had minimal pain thanks to pain relief and hot water bottle.
Bled heavily for next 3 days, lots small clots, nothing major. Bled for the next week and it slowed down until it just stopped. I’m just waited for my first period now and will take the test in a couple weeks time!
Think the worst thing was the wait in between first contacting the clinic and the telephone consultation. That was about 5 days waiting and was just awful. Couldn’t think about anything else, couldn’t sleep, preg symptoms started showing and it was just the worst I’ve ever felt mentally.

Is a termination the thing you definitely want? I’d always recommend pre abortion counselling. Marie Stopes do it.

Be easy on yourself. This is a difficult time.xx

@ED81 I don't know. My period isn't due till Friday, so if I could have received the tablets by then, I rationalised that it would be like bringing forward my period. Now the wait is torture, as my mind is thinking about how another baby is just tiny and we would all be fine. I don't think I can do counselling, as it would be opening a can of worms.

I'm thinking through the pros and cons, but my head is quite muddled.

Cons:

• our youngest DC didn't sleep through the night till 3 years old!! There wasn't any known reason for it. It was awful being woken up at least twice a night for such a long time. DH had wanted to sleep train from about 12 months old, but I was till ebf at that point and refused (I don't like the idea of "sleep training"), so I said I'd do all of the night shifts of getting up and putting DC2 back to bed. I can't do that again. It was very bad for our marriage! I was completely exhausted with also working full time and we were just snappy with each other.

• DH has a job where 100% focus is required and he's away for long hours. Before covid, our DC saw him on Sunday night and then again on Saturday morning. Everything regarding running the home, managing childcare etc fell on my shoulders. This contributed to me having PND and neither DH or I want to face that again. DH has said he's going to be tied up with work even more (due to a big acquisition that's underway), so I know already that he couldn't provide more practical support with a new baby.

• a couple of years ago, I went back to work after a few years as a SAHM mother. Mainly because I'd had enough of the constant drudgery at home and I missed my professional identity. Thankfully my area of specialism is sought after, so a career gap of 3 years wasn't an issue to returning. Having a baby would be a pause on my future career progression, as I've been in discussions about a move.

• Grandparents are not in the slightest bit helpful. If they visit, it's more of a chore than anything else!

• we both work full time, so currently have a nanny who is amazing. DC2 is due to start school in September 2022, so we wouldn't need the full time help at that point. It would be a huge expense to keep that level of childcare for another 4 years. We're planning for both DC to go to private pre-prep school (actually DC1 is due to start this coming September), which wouldn't be possible if we need to extend the nanny care! Also the schools fees for even 2 children at secondary level is over £50k a year. It's bonkers to think of adding another £25k on top of that. So having another baby would significantly impact DC1 and DC2, as lovely holidays etc would be out the window.

• we recently went away for a weekend with friends. They've got a 14-month old. DH and I could sit and read the papers whilst our DC entertained each other/themselves. Whereas our friends didn't sit still as they were chasing after their baby, making special food, putting her down for 2 naps, making bottles, picking up pasta and tomato sauce from the floor etc. It didn't look fun!

• we've got rid of all of our baby equipment, furniture, toys, clothes. So we'd need to buy everything from scratch.

• as soon as our DC2 turned 3.5, everything became super easy. I don't need a pram or nappy bag. Outings are all fun, rather than a logistical challenge. The thought of adding a baby to the mix doesn't fill me with joy, just the feeling of "oh Christ, we're back to stage 1".

• DH and I would be 60 before this baby would even finish school!!

I know this was supposed to be a pro list too. The only thing I can think of is the thought of cuddling a lovely newborn, looking at tiny baby grows in Next, thinking of our 2 DC cuddling a sibling. I like the idea of 3 children. I don't think the cons are workable though. It just seems like the biggest compromises and inconvenience for everyone, not just me!

Life was going so smoothly. This is such a spanner in the works!!

I haven't told anyone except DH about this. I've always been pro-choice. However, I now judge myself massively for considering a termination for purely selfish reasons. I don't want that to spoil any of my relationships/friendships.

I have received mine through the post, if I don’t take the first one tomorrow the medical option won’t be an option to me. I’m so nervous- deserve no sympathy I know and not looking for it. I have just been in a huge mess about this decision and feel so lost. Even now panicking a- about the process of what will happen this time and b- if I will regret it. I shamefully have been in this position before and regretted it…( I’m going to hell that’s for sure I know) I was in a clinic last time though but further along than they initially thought so was awful. I’m just hoping the counselling I had this time will help me manage the feelings. One lady told me it’s easy to look back with rose tinted glasses after the anxiety dog lifts and the reality of it isn’t there. Being in this position is so tough so lots of hugs to those going through the same impossible situation x

@StormGrey. Sometimes a pro/cons lists doesn’t work. Most people would never have children if that was the case!

What age are you now?
It is so very tough. When I made my choice it made me sick to my stomach. But it can make you sad but for you to know it was the correct choice at that time.
Do I regret what I did? Yes. And no. It did impact my mental health. But that has eased over time. I did as I saw best at the time.

I’m pro choice but don’t agree with what I did. Never thought I’d be in those shoes to be honest!

Please think carefully. You still have time to decide.
Thinking of you.xx

Thanks @ED81 for your reply. I'm turning 42 next month. Never thought I'd be in these shoes either.

DH and I discussed some of our thoughts today. He doesn't think pro/con lists work either. My main worry would be avoiding long term sleep deprivation (would need to sleep train this time) and taking steps to try to reduce likelihood of getting PND again.

I actually walked over to the baby section in M&S when I popped into the store earlier to pick up some groceries. Standing amongst the tiny baby clothes I didn't feel any joy or cuteness, which was an interesting reaction. I saw the tiny cardigans and thought "so much work". It actually seems quite overwhelming rather than exciting this time.

I'm giving myself till end of next week to make a decision. I'll do the call with the clinic nurse on Monday and hopefully get the tablets by mid next week.

Just to confuse matters, I did some research on hospitals and obstetricians earlier. We've moved since DC2 was born. The hospital and consultant for my ELCS then were amazing, but it's a bit of a trek if I had baby in same place as last time.

So confusing! x

@Bell45 I hope everything goes smoothly. You absolutely deserve sympathy and support. Thinking of you and here to talk through anything x

@sam433 I totally understand what you mean about taking this course of action to protect your mental health and thinking of your DC first x

Do you mind if I ask please how long it took for the clinic to post the tablets? Was it straight after your consultation?

Hope you are ok today. You will potentially have medication in your hands before you know it.

I think on giving yourself more time is a good idea.xx

How are you doing @sam433? x

I'm glad I found this thread! I have just found out I'm pregnant again after having my DD last year. Both myself and my partner feel that another one this close together and in our current circumstances is not ideal, so I have a telephone appointment on Wednesday to discuss a medical abortion.
I am mostly worried how I am going to explain it to work if I need to take time off and also passing the tissue/side affects of the tablets. I have read so many different stories of how bad it can be and I am frightened.

@Busylizzie85 if it definitely is the right decision for you and after the consultation/counselling you decide to go ahead with it, then to try to worry about the process too much. I've been through it this week and it was not like the horror stories you read at all, but obviously everyone is different.
For work, could you say a stomach bug? Then gives you at least 48 hours to recover.