I started the abortion process and I regret it. Can a fetus survive mifepristone??

[Kiki92]

I appreciate the absurdity of asking for kindness on the internet, but please be considerate and try not to judge me too harshly for what I'm about to say. I'm struggling.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I became redundant last year due to Covid, so I've been living off of my savings. Not ideal, but manageable as a interim as I'm now back at university doing a business degree. Regardless when I found myself pregnant a couple of weeks ago I was happy, (I already have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship and the thought of expanding my family really made me happy). The revelation caused my partner to instantly leave me, however. He virtually vanished into a puff of smoke. I've not heard from him since.

Since then I've been weighing up the pros and cons, and decided that abortion was my only reasonable option. It seemed like the rational choice. I would struggle to afford another child on my own, and doing it all on my own again seems pretty overwhelming. Not only that, but my family would be very unsupportive of me being a single mum to 2 children with 2 fathers. (Not an issue in my eyes, but I can imagine their comments).

So, I collected my pills on Tuesday. I was putting off the process. I talked myself into starting it yesterday. I took the first pill (the mifepristone), and I instantly broke down and realised it was a mistake. I tried to make myself sick, but I couldn't. The regret was instant and overwhelming. My initial qualms and panics seem futile.

I spoke to a 111 gyno last night who told me not to take the second batch and to hope that the first pill doesn't work. He said there's hope and I'm praying for a miracle. All I can do is sit and wait. I feel so bloody stupid, and I'm not asking for sympathy for obvious reasons.

Has anyone else been here though????

I'm so sorry op x

Sorry you are going through this.

I am very sorry this happened. Please don’t despise yourself!!!! You are only human. Be a bit gentle with yourself. You are trying to deal with a very difficult situation by yourself. You wouldn’t be so hard on anyone else going through this, so don’t be so hard on yourself. I am sending you fond thoughts from far away.

Whenever I have had hard shit to deal with the following has helped-

The darkest hour only has sixty minutes

Please do not blame yourself. You made a decision you thought was right, and then changed your mind. That does not mean the first decision was wrong at that moment or you should not have made it. There is nothing to be gained by adding guilt and blame to your upset. Please go gently on yourself

Sending you love and hugs OP. Please look after yourself x

Sending best wishes

Kiki I'm so sorry to read your story. This is a terrible situation and I hope youre managing as ves

Sorry! Pressed send too early. Not had my coffee yet!
I wanted to say I hope youre managing as best you can! You did what you thought was right at the time which is all any of us can do x x x
You mentioned in your original post that you're at uni, lots of unis now have counselling and wellbeing teams that can see you (although there might be a wait), they're not just for study support :) might also be worth seeing if your uni subscribes to something called Kooth Student, its an online anonymous counselling service that might be a bit better than the person you spoke to before.
X x

Sending you all of the hugs and am glad you have found the support on here helpful. Be kind to yourself and go with your emotions, which I would think will fluctuate both short and long-term. I am very sorry for what has happened. Take care x

I hope this has a positive outcome. Please be easy on yourself. You made the decision out of fear and your current situation, this is like many many women.

Have your tried counselling via Marie stopes? They were so valuable to me and I’ll be forever grateful. So kind and considerate. No judgement.

I like you wouldn’t (couldn’t) speak to family or friends. Many have experienced infertility. Please use this thread when you feel you need. We are all with you.xx

I'm so sorry @Kiki92

You haven't got the support you deserve. I'm really glad the posts here have helped but wish so much you had someone physically beside you too. ❤️

My words aren't going to be much help, but please try not to blame yourself or feel guilty. You made a decision for reasons that were right for you. I hope with proper support you can feel better & achieve acceptance & peace.

As PPs have said, please go to your scan & continue to seek medical advice. 💐

SmileyClare

I think your posts have been very compassionate and wise.

I hope it's a comfort to OP to know you were in a similar situation once, and were able to make peace with what you had to deal with 💐

Sorry OP.

You must not blame yourself. You did what you thought was for the best at the time. And it was a big decision and your hormones will be everywhere. Take good care of yourself, be sympathetic to yourself.

It would have been very hard being on your own with your 3yo and another child. Use your energy to give your 3yo the best life you can. When you're feeling a bit better.

Thanks E and L hopefully posters on here sharing our own experiences will help in some way Op? I think something like 1 in 5 women have abortions in the uk and many feel regret or very difficult emotions. It shouldn't be a guilty secret of judged at all.

I didn't tell my family about my abortion either and felt quite alone. I was given a 5 minute counselling talk, some tablets and then felt like I was on my own to cope at home. I did later confide in my sister and was met with nothing but sympathy and understanding, and wish I'd told her sooner.

Anyway, I hope you can confide in someone if you feel able to Op. You can see from this thread, no one is judging you harshly, were all completely understanding and don't think badly of you at all.

Be kind to yourself

Oh op
You are very early and a sizeable proportion of pregnancies at this stage aren't viable in any case, so it may not have worked anyway.
It really sounds like you would've been in a very hard place if the pregnancy went ahead so there may be some positives to this outcome.
Please please be kind to yourself. You've done nothing wrong.

Just wanted to send you 💐 Kiki.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you, all, for your compassion. It's really helped me. I see a therapist once a week already (for generational trauma that I'm trying to draw the line underneath), and I have a session tomorrow which I'll make about this. I'm lucky in that respect.

I barely bled earlier and I've stopped entirely now, so who knows what that means. I'm going to see what happens overnight and call my GP to arrange an early emergency scan for earlier than weds if I can. I'm still holding out on a tiny bit of hope. Call me naive if you will.

kiki.

Can you afford a private scan if they won't bring yours forward? I'v heard you can get deals on groupon for them.

Just some info really....it doesn't sound like all hope is lost 🤞🤞

Mifepristone alone results in abortion within 1–2 weeks in 8% to 46% of pregnancies.[18][32] The effectiveness increases to greater than 90% if misoprostol is given after the mifepristone.[33] There is no evidence that the effects of mifepristone can be reversed,[18][34] although some anti-abortion groups claim that it can be reversed by giving progesterone.[35][36]

Just to bore you with science; If you're only just 6 weeks pregnant, they may want to wait to scan you. Simply because its very difficult to detect a foetal heartbeat this early on, the embryo is about the size of a small rice grain. The gestational sac could be detected but nothing more in detail.

I'm pleased you feel able to discuss this in your therapy session tomorrow. You must feel like all over the place right now.

(((HUGS)))

I'm really sorry you're in this awful position. You were unexpectedly pregnant by a bloke who did a runner (what a wanker. Harsh way your find out he wasn't a keeper, please don't take him back!!).

You've got a lot on your plate and you made the best decision you could at the time, you mustn't judge or beat yourself up.

Can you try to think it as a cluster of cells that may well not have become a baby anyway? Lots sadly don't.

You sound young (?!) & hopefully you can focus on your DS, your degree & building a good life for you both and in the future add to your family.

Thinking of you 💐xx

So sorry you're going through all of this, Kiki. Sending good vibes your way.

just wanted to send you heaps of love and support, I'm so sorry you're going through this alone