I started the abortion process and I regret it. Can a fetus survive mifepristone??

[Kiki92]

I appreciate the absurdity of asking for kindness on the internet, but please be considerate and try not to judge me too harshly for what I'm about to say. I'm struggling.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I became redundant last year due to Covid, so I've been living off of my savings. Not ideal, but manageable as a interim as I'm now back at university doing a business degree. Regardless when I found myself pregnant a couple of weeks ago I was happy, (I already have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship and the thought of expanding my family really made me happy). The revelation caused my partner to instantly leave me, however. He virtually vanished into a puff of smoke. I've not heard from him since.

Since then I've been weighing up the pros and cons, and decided that abortion was my only reasonable option. It seemed like the rational choice. I would struggle to afford another child on my own, and doing it all on my own again seems pretty overwhelming. Not only that, but my family would be very unsupportive of me being a single mum to 2 children with 2 fathers. (Not an issue in my eyes, but I can imagine their comments).

So, I collected my pills on Tuesday. I was putting off the process. I talked myself into starting it yesterday. I took the first pill (the mifepristone), and I instantly broke down and realised it was a mistake. I tried to make myself sick, but I couldn't. The regret was instant and overwhelming. My initial qualms and panics seem futile.

I spoke to a 111 gyno last night who told me not to take the second batch and to hope that the first pill doesn't work. He said there's hope and I'm praying for a miracle. All I can do is sit and wait. I feel so bloody stupid, and I'm not asking for sympathy for obvious reasons.

Has anyone else been here though????

Sendings hugs and flowers kiki, also so sorry you are going through this alone, but please remember you will always have virtual support here on mn. There's always someone somewhere awake for a handhold x

@Kiki92 lovely update. I’m still holding out hope for you . So glad you are seeing your therapist tomorrow ❤️

Sending hugs op. Keep us all updated ❤️♥️

Kiki I really hope this turns out just as you would wish it to. I'm sending you hugs

I hope the little one sticks in there for you! Sending lots of love and fingers crossed x

No judgement here. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed all goes well for you

What a difficult time it must be for you right now. Lots of people are thinking of you💐

Hi Op. No wise words or advice but giving you a big hug and handhold. Your heart has overtaken your head and I hope there is a tiny glimmer of hope for you.. But it not.. Please don't feel guilty. You made a decision based on practicalities.. Sometimes emotions and heart don't come into it in the first instance. Don't beat yourself up or not forgive yourself. Wishing you all the best, xxx

Fingers crossed for you op

I wish you all the best OP

I'm not sure if you have come across this article- and I haven't read all the replies so maybe someone has already linked it- but it does give some hope. But you may be better to wait a couple of weeks for a scan, as researchers have found survival rates fall the longer the follow up is. Of course many pregnancies fail naturally in the early stages, so the lower survival rates as time goes on may just be miscarriages that would have happened anyway.

www.researchgate.net/publication/322634331_Embryo_Survival_after_Mifepristone_A_Systematic_Review_of_the_Literature

OP, please do make sure you keep in touch with the medical professionals & attend the scan.

The article linked by PP may make for difficult reading given the academic writing style.

The figures for successful pregnancy outcome post-Mifepristone are tiny. Foetal defects are also discussed. This was a systematic review, so looking at the literature, rather than a study in its own right. That means it is collating what literature they found met the criteria for this SR, which was actually to determine the level at which mifepristone alone resulted in an abortion, as they were using that to evaluate any likely success or otherwise of ARPs.

I'm just saying this because I really want you to think about your own physical & mental health, as it presents now, rather than the theory which I think might be upsetting for you to read.

Please keep in contact with the hospital / your GP / abortion provider. ❤️

Hi all. Thank you for the links. I appreciate them all, even the one's that are hard to read.

I'm going to wait until my scan next Wednesday and see what happens and what I'm told. I have the smallest amount of hope, but realistically i think it's probably over.

I bled the smallest amount yesterday (no clots. Sorry TMI), and today I'm not. Nor am I cramping. I still have my pregnancy symptoms, but other than that I'm okay. So I have no immediate concerns for myself.

I guess I'll see what happens. It is what it is. It's done now. I can't change it unfortunately, though I really wish I could. :/

The waiting must be unbearable for you. Glad you’ve got some therapy in place.

🌸I'm so sorry you are going through this anguish. I have everything crossed for you 🌸

Oh OP this is such a sad situation for you.!no advice just wanted to say I hope you’re ok and that every works out for you 💐

How are you doing today Kiki?

Another one here with everything crossed for you.

I'm good thank you. I'm not bleeding. I'm not cramping. I still VERY much have my pregnancy symptoms. The hardest thing is waiting until next Wednesday for the scan, (I'm ticking the days off on my calendar). But I'm okay. I've not cried today, so that's something.😊

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but I'm very much living on optimism. Xx

@Kiki92 this is so heartbreaking, and worse when you don't have IRL support too.

Something similar(ish) happened to me a few years back. Accidental unwanted pregnancy, I was already being treated for severe depression, booked in for consultation for abortion (was on the Monday), changed my mind and was going to call on the Monday, but miscarried the day before. Felt like I'd wished if all away in a sense.

I know it's not the same at all but I really blamed myself. My point is, this isn't your fault, and it's really really shit I know. You did what you thought was best at the time. You shouldn't hold that against yourself.

Sending you lots and lots of love x

I'm also sending love. It must be so tough. Please don't blame yourself whatever the outcome may be.

@Kiki92

I'm good thank you. I'm not bleeding. I'm not cramping. I still VERY much have my pregnancy symptoms. The hardest thing is waiting until next Wednesday for the scan, (I'm ticking the days off on my calendar). But I'm okay. I've not cried today, so that's something.😊

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but I'm very much living on optimism. Xx

Feel so bad to read what you’re going through, hope everything works out for you! Xxx

Hi OP, I just wanted to say 2 things. Firstly if you miscarry it is entirely possible that this will be due to other causes. There will be no way to know that anything you did started the miscarriage. Early miscarriage is very common.
Secondly, whatever happens I hope you get the help and support you need to get to a place where you can see you are not to blame and you can be compassionate to yourself. You were put in an exceptionally difficult position in a world that places huge pressures on women, especially single mothers. You were trying to cope with your partner’s behaviour and losing their support.
Please know you deserve so much compassion. If you do miscarry you are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to seek help and to process this loss without subjecting yourself to recriminations.
You are a good mum and you have done and are doing your best.

Very wise words from Acton. Thinking of you, OP.

I hope this all works out @Kiki92. You absolutely mustn't despise yourself though- you are in a tough situation and made a decision that was a hard one, all on your own. Your ex is a wanker though, he should be the one actually despising himself.