I started the abortion process and I regret it. Can a fetus survive mifepristone??

[Kiki92]

I appreciate the absurdity of asking for kindness on the internet, but please be considerate and try not to judge me too harshly for what I'm about to say. I'm struggling.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I became redundant last year due to Covid, so I've been living off of my savings. Not ideal, but manageable as a interim as I'm now back at university doing a business degree. Regardless when I found myself pregnant a couple of weeks ago I was happy, (I already have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship and the thought of expanding my family really made me happy). The revelation caused my partner to instantly leave me, however. He virtually vanished into a puff of smoke. I've not heard from him since.

Since then I've been weighing up the pros and cons, and decided that abortion was my only reasonable option. It seemed like the rational choice. I would struggle to afford another child on my own, and doing it all on my own again seems pretty overwhelming. Not only that, but my family would be very unsupportive of me being a single mum to 2 children with 2 fathers. (Not an issue in my eyes, but I can imagine their comments).

So, I collected my pills on Tuesday. I was putting off the process. I talked myself into starting it yesterday. I took the first pill (the mifepristone), and I instantly broke down and realised it was a mistake. I tried to make myself sick, but I couldn't. The regret was instant and overwhelming. My initial qualms and panics seem futile.

I spoke to a 111 gyno last night who told me not to take the second batch and to hope that the first pill doesn't work. He said there's hope and I'm praying for a miracle. All I can do is sit and wait. I feel so bloody stupid, and I'm not asking for sympathy for obvious reasons.

Has anyone else been here though????

I'm really pleased that Wednesday finally arrived and you received good news today. Its great that you were given a consultation afterwards and you seem to be remaining level headed about your pregnancy.

We're all still here for you whatever happens and I hope you can continue talking to your counsellor too.

Have you spoken to your family or ex at all? Maybe you're waiting for the all important 12 week mark before sharing your news. No judgment here.
Anyway, a hug from me and good wishes,

I'm glad everything is ok op but this comment:

She said if my child ever developed a condition (e.g. autism or aspergers) would I inwardly think "Is this because of the mifepristone?" Would I blame myself for everything.

Was massively out of order. She is not remotely qualified to advise you in that way and I'd be having a word with her upline/supervisor - bit to get her into trouble but to point out that she overstepped her clinical remit.

I will add that I think your account of the consultation afterwards sounded fine to me. She wasn't linking autism to the abortion pill, she was alluding to the fact that you cannot carry guilt for taking mifepristone because you will blame yourself for any future complications, however unfounded.

I hope you forgive yourself and take any support offered x

I’m so pleased for you OP. I hope everything continues to be well going forward.

There was no need to mention autism though. There are hundreds of disabilities. Why focus on that. Absolutely no need to put extra worries in the op's head without any solid data to back it up. It's unnecessary scaremongering.

Fantastic news OP. I think the point the lady you saw was trying to make is you have to think about if you will blame that pill for everything, even for things that definitely aren't related to it but can't be picked up in scans, such as autism.

Great news, as my mum always says... don’t worry until you’ve got some Tharp worry about, otherwise you’ll end up worrying twice!

There are so many things to potentially worry about in life, even before pregnancy, so it's better to worry about the real things that can be reduced or resolved rather the things that sit outside your control. If get caught up with all the 'what ifs' write a big list of all the issues, take off the things that you have some control over and refocus on those things.

You have already made a major decision in deciding to reassess at 12 weeks, so for next 4 weeks staying healthy and relaxed could be positive priorities.

I was an elderly primagravida (ie late 30s)

I was told to worry about Down's syndrome and was pushed to having very invasiv tests. I declined. Tbh I felt I was bullied about this and it really affected my enjoyment of my pregnancy.

DD was born, no chromosome issues.

18 years later, she was diagnosed with Autism.

My point is, it's really difficult to know, in advance, a lot of issues that present later, after birth.

Only you can decide what YOU could cope with OP

Similar to other posters' stories about anxiety and prenatal testing/scans. Had test after test including two (culture failure) amnios, multiple markers on every scan, but all fine at birth. No health issues at all until bam, malignant brain tumour at 17 (random, no known cause). You have been given a real gift here, and while its so difficult, try and get things into perspective and enjoy this precious pregnancy

I'm so pleased to read your update! As others have linked to evidence, I will echo them and say try to rest easy knowing that the chance of abnormalities is still very small.
Congratulations OP

@CandyLeBonBon

There was no need to mention autism though. There are hundreds of disabilities. Why focus on that. Absolutely no need to put extra worries in the op's head without any solid data to back it up. It's unnecessary scaremongering.

Why focus on that?

Maybe because we can't pinpoint what causes it exactly in most cases? Some are clearly inherited but others seem to come out of the blue, so there's no knowing the actual cause. With most other conditions, we can point to something and say, 'This is what caused it.' With autism, the cause would always be in question.

My personal what-if is asthma and neonatal IV antibiotics. My baby was given unnecessary antibiotics at birth and I was too out of it to question it. I now wonder whether the antibiotics would be to blame if, as I suspect, he has asthma. Asthma is multifactorial, we can't point to one specific cause, but if he does have it I'll always wonder if it is my fault for not objecting to the antibiotics strongly enough. If there's a chance to take the blame for something, however much of a reach it is, a lot of parents will unfortunately take it.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Mobius Syndrome is so vanishingly rare- a quick search shows that there are only 200 people currently diagnosed with it in the U.K.- and OP you say you know one of them?

That’s incredible.

I'm definitely overthinking the Moebius syndrome because of the child I know who has it. He's 10 and he's had a very unpredictable and turbulent life. I went to school with his mother, and her heart is constantly broken. They're in a constant cycle of hospital trips, to and from London a lot. I know it's rare, but knowing someone with it certainly doesn't help my mindset.

I'm going to echo what other people have said though. I HAVE been given such a gift here, and although I need to be realistic, I hate to be focusing on the negative. I think I'm going to give myself a few days to be extra kind to myself, and go from there. Xxx

I realise that @Puntastic. My eldest is autistic. My other two not.

Which is why mindless speculation by someone whose medical training does not involve research into causes of autism should not be spouting nonsense at such a sensitive time.

How you feeling OP

Hi OP, I've been following and hoping/praying for you and baby and am so thrilled with your update!

I don’t know if this helps, but I’ve been doing some googling of papers and have found this: obgyn.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1471-0528.12147

The most relevant part is this:

"Conclusions
This first prospective study found that the rate of major malformations after first-trimester exposure to mifepristone is only slightly higher than the expected 2–3% rate in the general population. Such findings provide reassuring data for risk evaluation for continuation of pregnancy after mifepristone exposure."

No idea if that helps but I wanted to share it with you. Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy x

@Kiki92

I read this and thought of you:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9632581/NHS-consultant-banned-saving-babies-mothers-started-pills-post-abortiions.html

Sorry it’s the DM though!

[quote Onceuponatime1818]@Kiki92

I read this and thought of you:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9632581/NHS-consultant-banned-saving-babies-mothers-started-pills-post-abortiions.html

Sorry it’s the DM though![/quote]
It’s so interesting. It appears that there’s so much politics on both sides of this progesterone “debate” 😨.

It seems to me that surely the “pro-choice” agenda should be to try to support/ provide women with as wide a range of options as possible.. it’s probably a really difficult area to conduct research trials though..

How are you @kiki92

Hope everything's ok Kiki. I've been thinking of you.

@Kiki92

I think the general consensus here is that it's too late and I ought to continue with the process. (It's within the 48-hour window so I could). I'm waiting for a call back from 111 now. The numbers the clinic provided me with are only 9-5. The only emergency number was 999.

I don't think I've ever been so upset or disappointed with myself. I will never forgive myself for this. I honestly don't know how I'll move on.

Hi Kiki I'm just wondering how you got on. I could of wrote your post I took the first pill changed my mind at 10 weeks Was keeping the baby then at 11 weeks had an abortion I was all over the place worried about Damage etc I regret it so so much don't no how to forgive myself .. will look forward to hearing from you and I hope your okay xxx

@kiki92 hoping you are ok ❤

Hey, do you have any updates to what happened? Thank you so much