*Sensitive topic* - termination

[ED81]

This isn’t meant to be offensive to anyone, just my experience.

I have always been ambivalent about having children but DH and I decide it was a now or never situation so we decided to try. We were successful and I became pregnant this year. The day I found out I was pregnant I instantly felt like it was wrong, there was no joy at all and only regret. I didn’t want my life to change and that I liked being child free. I didn’t want sleepless night, relationship pressure or to worry about childcare or be a constant entertainer. I like lay ins, long baths, going away whenever or watching tv undisturbed.

A month later I had a termination and felt instantly lighter and brighter. My DH was supportive and was also his preference to terminate.

I’ve now done reading on pregnancy depression. I’m now wondering if this is what I had? Or was it just pure and simple that I didn’t want to have a baby and now looking for excuses? I still believe the termination was correct for us. I do sometimes wonder “what if”........

Any guidance would be appreciated.

@ED81 In hindsight yeah I'd say it was triggered by the positive result. At the time though I was frantically trying to reassure myself it was a normal feeling. I think I even posted on here. Everyone kept telling me how common it was to feel fear/anxiety etc alongside the positive feelings. But I didnt have any positive feelings at all. I kept waiting for them to come but they just didnt and it got worse and worse.

I get you completely about not being able to explain it. I couldn't and still can't. As well meaning as the people who told me the way I felt was normal were, I realised gradually that it was far from normal. Theres defo help out there for people that chose to continue with the pregnancy anyway and that's wonderful for them but theres absolutely no shame in needing to put yourself first.

Also in contrast to the poster above who knew they couldn't terminate, for me knowing that it was always an option was basically the only thing that gave me any relief so that was very telling too.

Thanks @HoldingForGeneralHugs and @SunflowerOwl. You have both been so nice.

Yeah, I did feel better knowing that a termination was an option. The counsellor I spoke to asked me what option feels “lighter and brighter” and oddly it was the abortion.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain it. I’ve booked into speak with the counsellor again. That is on Saturday so hope I feel a bit clearer again after that. It’s a man I speak to but he’s great and so kind.