36 in June, pregnant with 1st after 5 months with OH who doesn’t want it

[Firegirl35]

Hi girls I’ve been reading and lurking but really need to share my situation for some advice..

I’m 35, no children and have found out I’m pregnant. I’ve been with the father just 5 months, we have had a rushed relationship as first date in July and then I moved in 2 weeks later mainly due to my house purchase falling through... I’ve now bought a house that needs some work doing and am currently still living with him.

He’s 37, has a 6 year old daughter and 8 year old son from a previous LTR which he was devastated ended in her having an affair, telling him she didn’t love him anymore and tearing the family apart. He took it hard as he was the same age as his son when the same thing happened to him. When we first got together he said he’s not against having more kids ‘one day’. His mum went on to remarry and have a baby when she was 42, so he is open to it, but also he seems to think age isn’t really a barrier.

We have the kids exactly half the week (so he doesn’t pay ex maintenance), and things have been great until a few weeks ago when his son started having sickness and anxiety at meal times.. he’s asked his dad why he’s not with mummy and even said he doesn’t want Christmas. I don’t know if going between two houses is upsetting for them, but the ex has suggested she has them more. He’s dead against this, he wants to see them more, and he also doesn’t trust that if he gave her maintenance it would actually be spent on the kids. I’m not sure if he’s controlling her with this. I have no relationship with her whatsoever, she seems a bit threatened by the bond I have with her children but I think she’s coming round. The whole situation is new and they are still figuring it out a bit.

Anyway, I tested positive for covid on Nov 30th. I’m a firefighter and once the two weeks isolation ended I still felt very ill with symptoms like fatigue and sickness that weren’t going away... so I got signed off work another 2 weeks. I tried to get anti sickness tablets prescribed, and was asked if I could be pregnant. I took 3 tests which all came back positive and it was confirmed by an out of hours GP an hour later..

I was in total shock and couldn’t stop shaking for hours. I called a male friend who has been very supportive, and I registered with a maternity unit as I wanted an early scan to date me... I think I got pregnant when I was ill, as I stopped taking the pill but we did have sex once. The week before that though I was fatigued, so I don’t know. I have ended up contacting Marie curie for a scan as I knew I could get in there quick, and they booked me in for Xmas eve. We left early but the motorway was closed and the diversion made us late for the appointment, so they wouldn’t see me :(

I told my partner a few days ago, and his reaction was “for fcuk sake”. Then “what are you going to do?” He’s since made it very clear to me in several heartfelt conversations how he feels about it all, that it was wrong as it was a very bad time, he’s still getting his head around the situation he’s in and the fall out from it, the kids aren’t totally settled yet (more his son), and he always swore that if he had kids again it would be when everything was totally right as he wouldn’t want to bring another “broken person” into the world as he puts it. He said that everyone else would think the same, and that it’s just a pill. His ex terminated their third which he was against at the time but thinks they would struggle to cope as they would have had two young ones.. His opinion of abortions now is that they are fine, as she was fine with having the medical one. And he says he’s glad as that’s one less kid he would have messed up. He tells me it wouldn’t work as he knows he’s not ready for another baby now, that it’s Horrific and you need to be rock solid. I think he believes that I will 99% get rid of it, after a frosty day or so we’ve been getting on better even making jokes, but that’s because he thinks I’m definitely having an abortion. If I say something against that, then it’s “I don’t want to argue” “we keep going over it” or “it’s doing my head in”

For me-
I had a surgical abortion at 7 weeks when I was 24. I had only been with the guy 4 months and he lived 200 miles away, he was fairly happy and we were going to keep it but I was scared as I was young, living in a flat with a girlfriend, suffering badly with an eating disorder, and extreme sickness. I told my parents and my mum went mental, made me feel stupid and like a kid and that it was a mistake and I wouldn’t cope. So I ended up going to a clinic, coming away as I couldn’t do it, facing the wrath from my mum and going back to have it. It fcuked me up for years, I went through phases of being completely obsessed with babies to deciding I wanted absolutely nothing to do with them (then my decision was justified). I moved to be with my partner, secretly hated my mum for two years it took me to forgive her in my head. I was with my partner for 8 years, so it would have probably worked out and we only split when I decided to become a firefighter and he didn’t want to move away again.

I told myself at the time of the abortion that I would never do that again. But also as I’ve got older I’ve seen the rough side of life with kids so have a realistic view which makes me appreciate time I’ve had single/free. I know babies/families are hard work, but I see myself with one in the future. (Near or distant not sure). It’s really hard being a step mum/friend figure to my OHs two , and makes me want my own. I missed out on the baby stage and toddlers... ill also never be the one they want when they’re ill, and mums Xmas dinner trumps ours, they want to stay at mums Xmas eve etc... the mum always wins. It hurts. I feel like I love them like my own but I don’t get them if that makes sense, and it makes the pain of not having my own more. I thought before I got pregnant, if it doesn’t work out with me and OH (haven’t been happy with his behaviour- he’s quite lazy, dirty etc round the house, doesn’t pay me compliments, and he’s only an ok dad, he does provide and cook for them and they don’t go without much, but he’d be happy to have DS in a dirty jumper, and sometimes I think he interacts with the dog more than he does me/the kids! Both his other two were unplanned when ex was on the pill, but I think he thinks she planned it , and it’s possible he thinks that now although I have told him I forgot the pill as I was so ill with covid (the sex was consensual btw, no forced sex).

I’m stuck because my heart wants the baby, but I know logically and sensibly it’s not the right time at all. OH said he wants to enjoy life with me more first- go on a holiday together, get each of our houses sorted, have the kids see our relationship develop before bringing a baby into it. But I’m the one who would have to live with it afterwards. And I’ll be 36 when the baby is born, what if this is my last chance? I can get my house completed in a few months so that will be straight, and although my parents live 200 miles away they miss me and both retired last year so I think they would move down into the 2nd bedroom, if I had to do it alone and we split up. I’ve not told them because of the drama of last time, and don’t want either to tell me to abort because we’ve not been together long. I wanted to make my own mind up and tell them at 3 months when they would have to accept it. My dad is turning 70 in April and my mum 65, this would be their first grandchild and I worked out I would be able to tell them the gender for their birthdays. My girlfriends are supportive of me whatever I decide. I’m the first in our small group to be pregnant and they are all single. I keep thinking, if I abort and we split up down the line, it might be too late to find someone and have a baby with them. On the other hand, if I don’t abort and we split up, at least I’ve got my baby/family and I won’t be too old to find someone new to have a relationship with. If they had kids too I wouldn’t feel like I’m missing out if I didn’t have one as I would have one. But also, I fell pregnant after one incident when 24, and probably only a few now, so if I waited to see if this is the right person, and build up more foundation with him it might not be too late, however I’ll never know.

This is the most difficult decision. I have an appointment at Marie stopes on the 29th for everything- due to them not seeing me on 24th- a scan, medical questionnaire, counselling and the procedure itself if I want to go through with it then. If I don’t I have to wait till 7th jan.
I’m so torn :( Any advice or insights would be much appreciated Thankyou so much

I hope you can make this decision for yourself OP. Obviously he's a big factor, but I don't think your parents are being very supportive, a lot of the things they are highlighting-either by directly saying, or by their actions, are not things to worry about. I always walk with the pram by myself, most mums I know walk themselves with their babies, that's not sad and lonely, that's normal to spend time with the baby by yourself, it will happen however the pregnancy comes about. The occasions when you see the whole family unit down by the beach are rare, they are the exception. 99/100 it's just me and the baby while my husband is at work, 1/100 my husband comes too. You won't be at all unusual walking alone, your dad doesn't have to be sad for you! Also not being able to do DIY. Would you be any better at it if you were in a relationship? No. So if your dad can help you with it, great, if not you'll have to hire somebody else to. So do lots of people. So do lots of couples. It doesn't mean you won't cope, or won't be a good mum. You will, if that's what you choose.

My worry if you abort is you might live to regret your decision if you feel rail roaded into it. It really does need to be your decision and you need to be comfortable about your reasons for making it.

I’d also say that if the police make a report about this ‘domestic incident’ then you might find you have to raise this child away from him incase of social services involvement. It won’t be a choice, it will be a requirement. That could actually be a good thing as it may create distance between you and you won’t feel he is hugely involved in your child’s life.

Intimidating behaviour and coercive control is a domestic violence issue just because he didn't hit you doesn't mean that it wasn't.

It's actually probably a positive thing if you decide to keep the baby as its factored in with the courts. His behaviour isn't normal and switching thing around on you constantly shows that.

You have to go with how you feel if your not 100% that you want to do then it will cause a lot of emotional pain

Agree, the things you are worried about are not really important once the baby is here. It just seems like you are being easy influenced by your parents here when last week you were dead set on keeping it. As I said before it's no wonder you don't know your own mind when you have everyone else telling you how to feel. You really need to find the strength to make the decision for you and you only.

It's actually probably a positive thing if you decide to keep the baby as its factored in with the courts

It isn't really, unless there is extreme physical violence the court generally always decides that contact is best.

The things I would worry about are not practical support which you would miss being a single parent, as many single parents deal with those things and I'm sure you'd manage. It is the emotional demands from having to deal with an abusive man who is your child's father.

I remember in How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran she talks about having an abortion and she says something like, if you just wish you weren't pregnant, like it would just go away and you didn't have to worry about it any more, then having an abortion may well be the right thing for you to do (I'm paraphrasing and I'm sure she puts it much better than that!), but I agree with the sentiment. If you accidentally get pregnant, which many women do, at a time and/or with a man who you actually don't want to father any DC of yours, it's okay to have an abortion. Just because conception has occurred it doesn't mean you have to go through with it.

But I agree with others OP that you're flailing - you're swinging wildly from talking about keeping this pregnancy to ending it. This is your choice, not your mother's or your father's or you horrible, toxic ex's. But do bear in mind if you continue with the pregnancy (and it doesn't end naturally), you will be tied to this individual for probably the rest of your life. Do you want that? Because right now, while you're

I'm sorry to hear about this incident, but it is a good thing that his behaviour is now known to the police. That may be helpful later on if he won't leave you alone, continues coercion, hassles, or harasses you.

You need to forget this ideal family unit bollocks. Most relationships are not as perfect as you think from the outside. Many break down after a child is born. You are nearly 36, and you may meet someone else that you do want to have children with in the future, but you might end up desperate and settle for anyone who isn't your ex, and that relationship might break down at some point anyway. And why couldn't someone new that you meet be a good stepfather to the child you are carrying? Your ex might just lost interest and leave you both alone. There are just no guarantees in life. Waiting for the perfect man, perfect timing, perfect circumstances...well you cannot base your life on that, especially when you have a time limit.

And you've got your dad to help you with DIY, why is that a problem? Get him to teach you. You are a firefighter - you can do bloody anything!

I'm a happy single parent, and I can put up shelves, paint and decorate, build stuff, etc. I couldn't save a person from a burning building!

Police checking on his dc is not your problem.
He causedd a0,scene
Now he learns the consequences
You do not need to have any c9ntact with him from now
When baby is born after few weeks or months you can let him know and apply for child maintenance
If he folliws up and seeks contact deal with it then

You can learn to diy anything

I have read your posts and I think you need to send your parents packing.
I am angry on your behalf that they are dripping nonsense into your ear. I think the only reason they are “helping” you at the moment is to make sure you have an abortion.
It is complete manipulation.

Why is being good at DIY so important?
Why is being practical a must for raising a child?
Why are you certain that your ex will stick around?

Send your parents home and then give yourself some space to think what you want.
I can guarantee as soon as you have done what they want they will be gone and you will be left alone to process it all.

Are you thinking that if you do have an abortion that there might be a chance that you can get back with your ex as you have done what he wanted.

I don’t think you will ever be grown up enough in your parents eyes to have a child and if there is a next time then you will get the same remarks that shatter your confidence and self esteem.

What would be the difference between now or in 2 years time. What in their eyes would change their opinion of you and make them think you are capable of having a baby?

I have probably got ADHD and had a traumatic upbringing and like yourself was told over and over not to get pregnant because I wasn’t capable enough to look after a baby.
I believed them.
It is my biggest regret. I did go on to have 2 children but left it too late to have more. You never know when your fertility will run out.

My children think I am the best mum in the world and I really enjoy being their mum

Oh op I am sorry you're going through this and what probably feels like your doing it alone too. Only you can make these choices but going if your first abortion, you could possibly feel the same again.....
I hope you both figure it out xx

Also op he says why would you have a baby with someone you've known for 5 months
You live together that probably the biggest challenge as you get to see bad habits etc
If it was 5 months an lived totally separate then say that as it's harder to get to know someone that way but not living together already. X

So sorry your going through this but just to say please don't abort if it's not what you 100 percent what want especially if you do want a child in the future as it may be your only chance to be a mum. I struggled when pregnant the thought of being a parent how hard it would be emotionally and financially but nothing compares to having your child here and the love you have for them and the happiness you feel from it.
I have also made some of the best most supportive friends since having my baby from baby groups and I never feel alone as always someone to text even in the night for support.
What I mean to say is don't be clouded by how other people are making you feel about the baby at a time when it's natural to feel anxious about becoming a parent and it clouding your judgement. Take more time to make the decision delay the appointment for when you have less emotional things going on and can think clearly you do not want to regret acting in an emotional state if it wasnt the true best decision for you.

Hi everyone, Thankyou for your support and in keeping up with the thread.

Since I posted I’ve had another phone counselling appointment with MS (the 4th I think), which actually confused me a bit, I don’t think I’ve been helped much by the counsellors there tbh. I almost felt like the last one was advocating for me to have an abortion or at least silently judging. She suggested writing a list of pros and cons, which I haven’t actually physically done I’ve just been going over everything in my head.

A couple more updates, I had a call yesterday re: the surgical abortion that I am booked in for on Thursday. She was running through some things but said you’ll either be awake or sedated, I was like no I’ve always said general anaesthetic, I need to be totally knocked out! I was last time and had no knowledge or memory of the procedure and that’s absolutely what I want and is why I’d be choosing the surgical over medical. She said that clinic don’t offer it, and I’ll have to go to a different clinic 2.5 hours away, and the soonest they could fit me in is Tuesday 12th. I’ll be bang on 10 weeks. Part of me feels like I’m being guided to keep it, though that’s terrifying in itself.

I then went round to ex’s house to talk about things- the baby and “us”- among everything he said was-
Everyone in his family think I’m nuts and that I contacted the police to check on his kids out of revenge for him not wanting my pregnancy. They think he should leave me alone and have nothing to do with me/baby, because they are fearful that I will wreak his life! He says he knows me well enough to know that that’s not the case, and it was just an unfortunate series of events that led to them going round his house. That I hadn’t intended that to happen but must deal with the consequences. Like his ex hates my guts and wants me absolutely nowhere near the kids now, which is devastating. It’s devastating anyway moving out and losing them. He’s said he knows how tough it is, and that he’s worried as he doesn’t think I have a clue, and that he doesn’t believe in just having a kid out there somewhere and not seeing it, it’s not right. That he knows how hard it is so he’d want to be there. But he can’t say how much or how he’ll feel, as originally he didn’t want the pregnancy and deep down doesn’t want more, however he’s not going to abandon us and we will figure something out. I know it wouldn’t be like with his kids he has 50:50 and he said that too. But also said how shit for that kid when it grows up and is wondering why I see my other two half the time but not them. I guess it’s a big rejection, and confusing.
He was being actually really decent and kind and adult, he said all the small fires burning around of people being upset will burn out, and they aren’t what matter now. It’s me and the pregnancy and I need to fully concentrate on that. He said as for me and you, he can’t go back and I broke his trust by letting the counsellor call the police (and taking his key back before that), and there’s too many broken pieces for it to work again. I know many will be frustrated by this, but sitting there with him for the first time in days, seeing his face, and hearing him simultaneously support me and reject me just made me want him and not the baby. I did want the whole unit. Or at least try. I told him I had been thinking about abortions again and he said I can’t do that unless I’m 110% certain, and he hates if it seemed like he was forcing me to do that before as you can never force anyone to do that. He said I need to be strong either way (I just feel like totally going off the rails at the moment), and he said he wouldn’t want me to have an abortion and then think that we’ll get back together but we don’t, and then I also have a mental breakdown and mess up my career. He said it’s going to be so hard to get back to firefighting after a baby, and being a mum up a ladder or in a burning building. Told him women do it and he said yes I know that I’m just saying it will be really hard.

I just felt shit, and even more on my own in many ways (how his family feel towards me, what his ex has said about the kids). It’s like his life will carry on as normal, he’ll get a new girlfriend in a few months (maybe or maybe not move her in), and then I’ll be left on the side, still sort of wondering how alone I am and how much contact he will have/want. Any daydreams of us all maybe having a day out together (my kid, and then his two as they will all be siblings) have been shattered by his ex saying she wants me nowhere near her kids. I know they aren’t the priority really but it all just rolls into one of what a mess this is and wondering what the dynamic will be in future and how painful it would be for different people concerned. He said how hard it is and how much your life changes and just isn’t your own anymore, and that you don’t realise until you have a kid how selfish you are, if I’m ready for that and think I can do it alone then go for it. He said it doesn’t matter to him either way now if I keep it or not.

Dad came up to me when I got home and lay on bed with me and was our first private father daughter chat we’ve had since they came down. He was being loving and caring, trying to be neutral but expressing his concerns, like whether I would cope, whether work would try and get rid of me after, that I’d be on my own, my lay ins are gone, the gym (which I’m fanatic about) would have to stop. He said it’s my decision and either way it’s my life that’s going to change, not his or mums. And that he planned to spend a few months of the year not in this country, and being a grandparent wouldn’t change those plans. He said he keeps changing his mind as to whether he thinks I should keep it or not, and he doesn’t know what’s for the best but it’s a shame that I won’t have got to enjoy my house as a single person, bringing people back etc, and if he had thought they’d be spending more time down here he would have said for us to look for a bigger/more suitable house (he mentioned a workshop). He said maybe I could go up and live with them for a bit (would only be during maternity), but maybe I don’t want to do that and he said you certainly won’t be putting on us I’ll make sure of that, you’re the mum you’re the one who’s up in the nights. He also mentioned how hard it would be to date and find a new partner, and I couldn’t just go out on dates without a sitter, I couldn’t go round to theirs they’d have to come to mine. Just lots of things that I’d already thought of really.

I have a bit more time to think about things... not that I even think that’s helping. Mum said I need to make my decision and stick to it. Know that’s right. It’s just hard when you don’t know for sure how much you would struggle or how happy or depressed you might be with keeping it, and how regretful and sad you might be with termination. I expect it would be a relief not to be linked to the family, and then I’d have to grieve him (as ill matched as we were- he couldn’t handle a strong woman he couldn’t mould and who knew her mind -apart from now it seems!!)

Sorry for the long post/ramble I’m thinking out loud

Thankyou for still thinking of me xx

It's so upsetting to hear that you're still considering an abortion now after all
OP it is totally normal to be terrified and feel like you're going off the rails. It's all a huge amount for you to process and of course there's many uncertainties about the future. But to some degree everyone feels like then when pregnant! Some things also work themselves out in the future even if you can't see it yet now. I agree with PP that your parents are still being manipulative and not actually as helpful as they make out to be. Could you talk to your friend in the north again instead? It sounds to me as if you just need some support and understanding and a listening ear - which you SO deserve right now
But please don't consider the abortion again just because you're feeling scared. It's okay to feel scared and you will feel better again in the near future

Thankyou lalalands, I suppose it must be natural to feel scared. And the only (but big) difference is that I don’t have many (anyone?) in real life who can alleviate that or make me feel like I’m good enough... I felt so strong when I had that scan with the midwife, I felt like I could do it and that I wanted to do it. That has been the only time I’ve felt so confident and strong. Since then I’ve been gradually chipped away at. Part of me now feels more terrified than ever how hard it’s going to be as I’m being told all the time how hard having kids is (as a family unit), so being single and with all the extra challenges that brings is going to be a lot worse. What if I have it and regret it, I won’t even be able to talk to my family as I would get ‘I told you so’ attitude. Or we’ll this was your decision you have to live with it. I know once I make a final decision I will be able to get on board with it more and either grieve and make different plans (puppy) and move on (probably go off rails too), or plan and get excited for a baby. I suppose nothing is set in stone and I could always move one day, start over again away from him if it got bad. If I waited and didn’t have this child now, I’d be running the risk not only that I don’t have one in future, but that I can only have one (right now at 36 when I’d birth they may be time to meet someone else and have a second, I feel that if I waited I’d almost certainly only have the one). But my plan for that, if I don’t meet anyone or if I struggle with my career afterwards is to create a larger family/sibling by fostering. That would be a lot for someone to accept! Could just be single with dogs 🤣 I don’t mean to be flippant I’m just at the end of my tether

Yes, you do realise how selfish you were, but only because you realise how selfless you become after your child is born.

I can imagine @Firegirl35
As far as I know, the key to real strength is to find it in yourself - to know deep down inside yourself that you're worthy and enough, and don't need anyone else to tell you that. I'm not quite there yet myself but I can see this is the case and I - and you - can get there. I think you know you have that strength in you, even if it's very tender and panicked right now. You felt it when you had your last scan. You will be able to feel it again. Ime having a baby can be the key to unlocking your own strength and your own self. You learn so much about yourself. You will see just how strong you are!
And children also aren't only ever difficult - they are also incredibly funny and make you laugh and teach you how to be in the moment!
Please please hold on to your knowledge that you do have enough strength, you are enough, your baby will love you and you will love your baby - that will be all that matters.

I am feeling much better and stronger Thankyou @lalalalands. I’m also feeling quietly confident in myself around my parents today. I’m “getting things done”. I feel like they think I can’t cope because they don’t give me the option or opportunity.. don’t give me the space to prove that I can (in anything in life), or that I’ll get something done in my own time or way (it has to be ASAP with my dad). I’m feeling just a bit better, and taking pregnancy vitamins. I think once they are gone I will be able to take more control over my life/future

@Firegirl35 it's worth checking directly with the other clinic. I was booked in for surgery under GA due to a MMC which I found out at 14 weeks. On Saturday when I found out it was possible to have a GA.
I ended up in hospital anyway due to miscarriage at home early hours of Tuesday and was assessed for surgery due to extensive blood loss in which the registrar and anesthetist told me that due to covid changes circumstances they were no longer doing surgeries under GA spinal blocks only.

Every health board will be different but please double check.

He’s said he knows how tough it is, and that he’s worried as he doesn’t think I have a clue, and that he doesn’t believe in just having a kid out there somewhere and not seeing it, it’s not right. That he knows how hard it is so he’d want to be there. But he can’t say how much or how he’ll feel, as originally he didn’t want the pregnancy and deep down doesn’t want more, however he’s not going to abandon us and we will figure something out. I know it wouldn’t be like with his kids he has 50:50 and he said that too
But also said how shit for that kid when it grows up and is wondering why I see my other two half the time but not them. I guess it’s a big rejection, and confusing
He was being actually really decent and kind and adult, he said all the small fires burning around of people being upset will burn out, and they aren’t what matter now

I think he wasn’t being really descent at all.
It was more subtle manipulation. Even saying you couldn’t do your fire fighting job any more.
Your father is the same. All about the things you are going to find hard which are total rubbish.

If anything I think you would find it easier to find someone if you do have a child. I know someone who started dating her now husband when she was 7 months pregnant. I don’t know anyone who never dated again when they became a single mother. Most were dating as soon as they could leave their child with a baby sitter or when the father had his weekend with the children.

I have never found getting a date particularly hard what ever your circumstances or what ever you look like.

Please don’t do the.
I have 2 years to find a man and get pregnant thing as it isn’t going to work out.

More than likely you will find a guy who has children and doesn’t want anymore or doesn’t want to have anymore right away like your ex or is childless by choice.
The guy who has got to 40 and is reasonably ok in every way and wants children quickly are out there but are like a needle in a haystack.
You also are gambling that your fertility is going to be there in a few years time.

I think you need to get over your ex. The future in your head you were planning was only ever a dream as in reality it was never his dream. He only wants childcare for his current children. Not more children. Whatever he says to the contrary.

Your choice is do you want a child or not?
If you have a child growing inside of you and see yourself at some point as a mother then why not carry on with this pregnancy instead of thinking you might get pregnant sometime in the future.
Your time is running out and to get the fantasy family set up could end up just being a fantasy.

Nothing your parents have said or your ex has said would put me off having this baby.
I wish I had someone to point out the negativity towards me that people had when I mentioned just having children.
It would have changed my life.

You can give birth to this baby and still meet someone and have another. Like the woman who met her husband when 7 months pregnant.

Oh OP, you're really being pressurised here, by your parents as well as him. Can you just disengage with them all for a while? You need to stop listening to toxic people and just spend some time on your own figuring out what you actually want.

I will say that you sounded so certain you wanted to keep the baby after seeing it on the scan, it's natural to be scared but if you hadn't been spending all this time with him and your parents, would you have changed your mind so drastically?

Sorry to hear that the counselling hasn't been great, could you maybe try and speak to that nice doctor again?

You need to think whether you are happy or not never to become a mum as this could be your only chance and things you have mentioned like the gym, going on holidays etc will always be there and the opportunity to be a mother and this baby won't, it will change your life but in a positive way. Sounds like everyone around you is focusing and assuming everything will be negative when actually the joy and love you have as a mother out weighs all these things they tend not to matter and there is never a 'right time' to have a baby we all just make the best of it and all your baby really needs is love from you which sounds like it already has, material things don't matter in the grand scheme of things and sounds like you already have a good set up anyway, a good job with good maternity leave pay and a home. Please don't make a decision whilst feeling emotional and influenced by others even just put it off for another week when you could feel differently and others will probably act more positively and supportive once they know you are keeping the baby and once it arrives