Termination at 38

[shouldhavecalleditoatabix]

So briefly, I have 2 DC and a long term happy relationship with DP. DC2 is 9 and 6 years ago I started a full time career. We absolutely do not want more children and have been talking about permanent contraception options. Then last week I missed a period and have confirmed I'm pregnant. I don't want this baby. I would love to have had more children but our circumstances simply make it too hard. I would have to change cars, home, buy everything again, miss months of work and where we used GP's for childcare last time round they're too old to take on a new baby and that means paying a fortune on childcare. I don't want to reduce my work hours and I don't want to be approaching 60 before our youngest is grown. I am expecting a phone appointment today to confirm and book in the termination.

Here's the issue though, I had another termination 16 years ago. I have never regretted it although occasionally I briefly think of it and wonder. I am worried that I have 'made too many withdrawals' from my mental health bank IYSWIM? What if it all comes back to haunt me afterwards? Don't get me wrong, I shed a tear with DP when I found out this time but I feel strangely calm about the whole thing. Will I regret it?

I have lurked on this thread and just wanted to say I love that it’s so supportive - it’s nice to see. You aren’t alone. The bit about thinking about existing members of the family struck me. Hope you all have a lovely Christmas ladies. Plan lots of lovely things to look forward to in 2020.

@shouldhavecalleditoatabix @momoney1 Thankyou both for being supportive, I am also feeling much more positive and looking forward to Christmas and the new year. Again Thankyou so much and I totally understand why you would like the thread deleted and if that's best for you then I'm more than happy.

Have a wonderful Christmas and all the best for the future ❤️

Sorry I have name changed (MidnightMystery) x

Hi everyone thought I'd update. I took my test to check whether there could be a failure of termination...there was nothing which I expected given my symptoms.

I'm doing ok, feel positive for the future...reinforces that it was the right decision.

Had sex for the first time at the weekend...it helped. Used condoms and I'm getting the coil fitted in the new year.

Thank you for so much support and compassion. This thread has helped me so much but happy to have it deleted as totally get where you are coming from @shouldhavecalleditoatabix . Sending love to you.

Ladies you are all so strong. Thank you for being there and sharing your experiences.

I'm so pleased to see we're all doing well. I know this could change but honestly I have no doubts about my decision. Life is ticking along quite nicely right now and I did not want that to change. There will no doubt be other curve balls thrown at us anyway so I'm glad I made that choice though obviously I was gutted I had to.

Anyway, I've spent the day preparing for Christmas with our two beautiful children and I'm currently sipping a glass of red feeling eager for tomorrow. Merry Christmas to you all and hoping you have a good 2020.

As for deleting the thread I'm still pondering that one. It doesn't bother me at the minute and I still feel it has some really useful, detailed information for others that might need it. For now I'll leave it in the knowledge I can change my mind if it becomes too much.

Did anyone experience similar? BPAS were so lovely and brilliant, but I wasn't warned about this one bit.

I'm panicking this they got my gestation wrong?! It seems too damaging to let a woman see this when passing a pregnancy alone at home.

@pollyhamna Literally tearing up I am so so sorry for what you are experiencing 😢
I was 6weeks 3 days with twins. I didn't see the fetus only two big sacks with sacs inside which were greyish and I was mortified with that let alone what you have seen.
That does however appear to be a 9week fetus I'm sorry they didn't explain properly to you it appears it has come out of the sac before hand.

You are able to contact the surgery where you took the medication and receive some counselling if you feel that may help.

We are here for you

Hello ladies, it's been three weeks now and I am still bleeding , I have taken the test and that's still positive. I need to wait a week and take the other test. I feel like I can't move on properly until the bleeding stops. Hope you are all well x

Hi all. Just checking in to see how you all are. It's now about 5 weeks for me since the termination and I still haven't had a period. I know it can take up to 6 weeks but honestly the fear in me is rising with every day! Has anyone else got their period yet? Is this normal really? Hope you all had good Xmas and NY.

@shouldhavecalleditoatabix hello, I haven't had a period yet either it's been 6weeks now but I also haven't stopped bleeding since the first day I have no idea what's going on.

The nurse said it should return between 4-8 weeks and may be heavier or lighter so in other words unpredictable. I hope you are well x

It took me 6 weeks to get my period and then I ended up hemorrhaging and back in hospital - it turned out I had retained products.
Not to scare you, just to encourage you to be aware of anything that doesn't seem like a normal period.

Hello just checking in,

I bled for 44 days straight and then two weeks later had a normal period, that was on the 5th of Feb, I've had spotting on CD18,23 and today light bleeding when wiping.

Has anyone else's cycles been abit weird the months following ?

I hope you are all well x

I just want to say thank you to you all. I’m 6 weeks pregnant. My ex left me at Xmas and I decided to have fun completely covered by contraception but my body decided this was the time for me to have another child. As my older two are due to leave the nest in the next few months. The guy is not at all supportive so have no choice but to have an abortion. Reading your messages really has been a help. Do I think I’m doing the right thing - yes but do I consider having a baby on my own - also yes. But it’s the stigma, the hard work, the finances, etc and my age too (40) so I have to go through. I’m booked in for initial consultation on Thursday next week. Hopefully you are all ok now and happy that you made the right choices xx

Hey just found this thread how did it go? I'm going through the same thing at the moment 8weeks

@shouldhavecalleditoatabix hi I've just read your post very helpful I'm glad you left it up, I'm similar situation to you we have two dc already and I just had medical termination in December, very hard to go through and all of the emotions but it helps seeing other ladies stories reading these X

Hi all. Just seen these latest comments. I'm glad you found the thread useful. I have to say, as much fear, anxiety and distress I felt at the time it was absolutely the right decision.

The process wasn't as bad as I feared and actually worked very well. I haven't had any regrets. I was sad at the time as it was the realisation I wasn't having more babies ever. But I absolutely didn't want another child and knew I couldn't provide for any new child or my remaining ones if I went through with it.

I deliberately ignore this thread and especially try not to look at the dates of first post. I don't know the 'anniversary' and I refuse to mark it in my brain because who really wants to torture themselves in such a way? But I left the thread up because it's important that women understand they are not alone.

@shouldhavecalleditoatabix thanks for reply, it was helpful to see this thread and see we're not alone X