Termination at 38

[shouldhavecalleditoatabix]

So briefly, I have 2 DC and a long term happy relationship with DP. DC2 is 9 and 6 years ago I started a full time career. We absolutely do not want more children and have been talking about permanent contraception options. Then last week I missed a period and have confirmed I'm pregnant. I don't want this baby. I would love to have had more children but our circumstances simply make it too hard. I would have to change cars, home, buy everything again, miss months of work and where we used GP's for childcare last time round they're too old to take on a new baby and that means paying a fortune on childcare. I don't want to reduce my work hours and I don't want to be approaching 60 before our youngest is grown. I am expecting a phone appointment today to confirm and book in the termination.

Here's the issue though, I had another termination 16 years ago. I have never regretted it although occasionally I briefly think of it and wonder. I am worried that I have 'made too many withdrawals' from my mental health bank IYSWIM? What if it all comes back to haunt me afterwards? Don't get me wrong, I shed a tear with DP when I found out this time but I feel strangely calm about the whole thing. Will I regret it?

i had a termination aged 39 and felt absolutely fine about it and it was right, until I took those tablets and no one warned me that I would see a tiny foetus when it passed. That image traumatised me for a few years and I ended up pregnant at 44 and didnt hesitate to go ahead. I felt nothing but guilt with the last one after seeing that tiny baby. I think getting a surgical abortion is easier as it is done and you see nothing. The early abortion with tablets was horrendous

I've had a medical and I had the choice to do it all in one go or wait 24 hours for the oral tablets.
I decided to do it all in one so I had the scan etc and then had to insert four tablets inside myself and take tablets orally. Had some minor cramping half an hour to an hour after and then around five hours later I started to bleed, I had what I'd describe as early labour pains that deep abdominal cramping and sat on the loo, I had some clots pass and then bleeding was light like a normal period for a few days.

I then had to take a pregnancy test four weeks later and it was positive so I went for a scan and I had a small area where I had retained product, it was decided I had to re take the tablets to be on the safe side however this time I inserted only three inside and the oral tablets went between my cheeks in my mouth.

So apart from the retained product it wasn't as traumatic as they said it would be they said I'd bleed very heavily , make sure to take some pads with you for on the way home. Everyone is different so blood loss could be different I was 6weeks at the time so I imagine it feeling more painful the further you are.
I did have a cry and felt very emotional for few weeks after as although it was the right choice for my family I felt sad and my hormones where all over the place.

I hate to say but due to contraception failing AGAIN I'm in this situation again and have an appoint soon and I really hope to have the surgical procedure because I can't go through that again I need it done with (not being heartless) and done properly this time.

I hope all goes well such a horrible situation

Momoney I'm sorry you've had to make such a tough decision. My appointment is Thursday so with luck we will both be out the other side. I may be here for a handhold on Thursday/Friday. I'm off work the following Monday so I'll keep an eye on this thread.

Thanks to the others for sharing your stories. I was thinking today that there is no way out of pregnancy without pain. Be that emotional, physical or even labour. Seems a shifty hand to be dealt sometimes. I wouldn't change my previous birth experiences though. Just feeling A little apprehensive and quite honestly scared.

Hi OP. It's normal to be apprehensive and a little scared but you're going to be OK. You will be relieved to have it done. 💐

Thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck for tomorrow.

Thank you. Struggling to sleep tonight. Just need to get it done. Very nervous

1st stage complete. Have elected for medical. No turning back now. Tomorrow I take the second lot and start the process

Hello OP,

Just thought of you, I hope you are ok

Well done op. Wishing you the best for tomorrow.

Is there a reason you didn't do both at the same time? I'm going on Monday and am hoping to do it all in one day.

They don't give you all at same time. Had to take first pill today and wait 24 hrs before I can take the second batch of 4 which I am meant o insert in the vagina. I wanted to take them first thing in the morning but she said it reduces the effectiveness. As far as I can tell the first pill starts softening the cervix and preparing the womb so waiting allows better expulsion of the pregnancy as your body is better prepared. At least that seems to be the gist from what I read. I have heard other places do it different though. She told me today that something like 13% of women do not fully clear the pregnancy and end up having further treatment. I am preying I won't be one of them.

Hi OP , I hope all goes well for you today
@momoney1 I had taken them all in one go and needed to go back due to retained product, however that doesn't occur in everybody. They will give you all options and let you know what's most effective x

Hi all. Update. I took the second round at midday. Currently feels like period pains and started about 90 minutes ago. Not unbearable at the minute.

How are you doing op?

Hi momoney. To be honest it hasn't been bad at all. I had a little cry yesterday when I took the first pill. It was symbolic not only because of the decision to terminate but that it was the finality of accepting there will definitely be no more kids for me. I was terrified of the process this morning and sick first thing. Putting those pills in was terrifying. However it's been no worse than period pains all day with some bleeding. To be honest I'm mildly concerned it hasn't worked properly. The scan dated me at 7+5 weeks so I know it was very small but whilst there's been constant bleeding there has not been much 'clotting' (sorry if tmi). I have no experience of this process and even Mumsnet has very little info on this at such an early stage so I have no comparison. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. It's actually been a relief today to know I'm taking action and dealing with it and will hopefully be able to move on. How are you feeling?

Just spoke to the hospital and they don't think it worked so now having to go back in for more meds. Sadly that's a 2 hour journey each way.

Oh no OP. Why don't they think it's worked?
I'm so sorry you're facing this, what a pain

Just finished at the hospital. They didn't think it had worked as I had limited tissue loss. Went back to hospital by myself (2 hours in the car) after they told me I could collect more medication and take it home. Nurse told me when I got there that I had to take the pills in hospital as they are a different dosage. I said I can't do that, what if I it starts in earnest when I'm driving? She said well it usually takes longer and we wait up to 48 hours before we call you this time. Yes, says I, but when does is start? Well I don't know that she answers. Ok, says I. So tell me this, how likely is it that it will work? Well you know the statistics we talked about. I answer yes I know the chances of failure for the WHOLE procedure but once I've already failed the first attempt, what are the chances it will work second time round. After some thought she said, well I don't know the statistics but off the top of my head I'd say maybe 50/50.

So I look at her and say what if I refuse the pills and ask to go straight to surgery? She looks at me for about 60 seconds (I can see she's thinking this through and probably somewhat thrown by my rejecting the standard procedure!) and says well we would start with a scan... Shall we do a quick scan now? This makes sense to me so I oblige.

And here's the kicker, turns out I did pass the pregnancy yesterday. No foetus, no sac, no pregnancy. A little retained product which is to be expected at this stage apparently.

So the crux of it is that had I not questioned what was happening I would right now be chewing on more intense hormones, bringing on potential cramps and nausea and more worry for the next 2 days to do something that has already been done. All because they don't automatically scan to check before issuing the meds second time round.

In conclusion I'm so relieved it worked in a relatively simple process and to be honest at this early stage I wouldn't hesitate to do medical again. However, never just accept what you're being told because but for my slightly obtuse and questioning personality this drama would continue and be a whole lot more stressful than it needs to be. The nurse was lovely and I have no real issue with her. I just think sometimes when they do the same thing week in and week out it's easy to forget people are no statistics and that each experience is different.

I'm so glad you checked and asked the questions - good for you.
I'll be sure to do the same.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I really appreciate it.

I hope you can relax the rest of this weekend. 💐

Hey @momoney. How are you today? Hoping you're not feeling too bad. It's all slowed down for me and I feel pretty god actually. One of our friends had her baby last night which is a little difficult because it means I'll have the date forever reminded to me. I had hoped to delete all references to it so I don't have an 'anniversary' in my mind but there's nowt to be done. Supper pleased for them though as they are younger than us and really wanted it.

I'm thinking I'll leave this thread open while we go through everything then once it's done I'll probably ask mn to delete as I don't really want it in my history and I doubt you will either.

I'm glad you're doing so well.
Hopefully in time you will less bad about the 'anniversary' although I completely understand what you mean about not wanting to remember it.

I'm not feeling great to be honest. I feel quite alone, even though I've told a few close friends. I'm very anxious and worried, still about this perhaps being my 'last chance'. But I can't back out now. I've been drinking fairly heavily the last week, partly to cope (I know, not good), partly so I can't back out.

My appointment is tomorrow morning.

Listen if you're feeling like this I really think you need to consider taking more time. Yes drinking isn't great but there's a myriad of people that were drinking heavily before they knew. It's very early stages which is less harmful to a baby. I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. It's hard to find people that understand. Give yourself some time. Have the scan and have the appointment but it doesn't mean you have to take the pill. Book in for the following week and really make sure you know what you want. X

Thinking of you for the morning @momoney1

Thanks @shouldhavecalleditoatabix

Setting off shortly. I want to just get it done now. No, id rather not being doing it but I don't have any financial, emotional or practical support and can't face it alone. There's also some other stuff I haven't gone into which makes it less than an ideal time.

Ok well you get to make the decision for yourself and that's the beauty of our country and laws. If that's the case, I always remember my father's advice from the first time round. If you make this decision today based on all the facts and feelings you currently have, you must not look back later. You will never be able to replicate this exact moment and so cannot regret the decision because you cannot feel the same way. Trust that you are making the right decision for you now and in the future trust you did the best with what you had.

Good luck with everything today. Thinking of you.

Your father is very wise :-) that's sort of been my thought process.

Just been to the clinic and they can't see the sac or anything but I'm still showing positive on a test. Which means I now have to go to hospital for them to scan and check me. Which means it could be ectopic, but I really hope not. Very frustrating and mildly worrying.