Termination at 38

[shouldhavecalleditoatabix]

So briefly, I have 2 DC and a long term happy relationship with DP. DC2 is 9 and 6 years ago I started a full time career. We absolutely do not want more children and have been talking about permanent contraception options. Then last week I missed a period and have confirmed I'm pregnant. I don't want this baby. I would love to have had more children but our circumstances simply make it too hard. I would have to change cars, home, buy everything again, miss months of work and where we used GP's for childcare last time round they're too old to take on a new baby and that means paying a fortune on childcare. I don't want to reduce my work hours and I don't want to be approaching 60 before our youngest is grown. I am expecting a phone appointment today to confirm and book in the termination.

Here's the issue though, I had another termination 16 years ago. I have never regretted it although occasionally I briefly think of it and wonder. I am worried that I have 'made too many withdrawals' from my mental health bank IYSWIM? What if it all comes back to haunt me afterwards? Don't get me wrong, I shed a tear with DP when I found out this time but I feel strangely calm about the whole thing. Will I regret it?

Midnight I have one child who is still only young and found out I was pregnant I fort of abortion went to the clinic but didn't go tho with it I fort the same has you but really think of it this way your children will have a little sibling who they will love your kids brother or sister I came close to abortion but am so glad I left that clinic

@mammabear111 We respect and haven't questioned your decision. Perhaps you could afford us the same courtesy

Oh gosh @MidnightMystery you poor thing. Thinking of you, what a crap situation. Look after yourself and be kind.

@Mammabear111 please don't use emotive language replying to posters who have made the most difficult of decisions. I can appreciate that you are coming from a kind place and mean no malice but it can be very distressing having people push their views on you.

I don't any of us have found it particularly easy to have made the decisions that we have.

As for me, I started bleeding this morning so will be waiting to see if nature has taken its course (which I think I will find easier to cope with mentally). If not Monday will soon come around.

Final (?) update from me. Third and final blood test done today. Levels have dropped right now. So what with that and the bleeding I think it's all done now. Awful few weeks. I'm exhausted, despite getting nearly 11 hours sleep last night.

Good luck midnight and mammy. Wishing you both lots of luck.

*dropped right down

Thank you @momoney1 take care of yourself xxx

@momoney1 Thankyou  take care of yourself , I hope you feel more yourself soon now those awful weeks are coming to an end. 

@Mammyloveswine The waiting is terrible isn't it! I've been on the phone all day trying to sort out my appointment and finally I have been booked in for Monday afternoon, I feel sick constantly and have no energy so Monday can't come quick enough for me either.

Hi all. Sorry I haven't been back sooner. Stepped away for a couple of days to process. Update on me is bleeding has completely reduced now and I'm hoping it's all done. Won't know for sure until I take the pregnancy test but hoping it's clear and I can focus on Xmas with the kids and family. I have no regrets although obviously a tinge of sadness. As much because I've reached an age when I know I'm likely to never have more children as anything else. This is what I want but there's always a 'maybe tmw' when you're in the prime of youth so it's a big step accepting that. But on the whole I'm doing well and thank you all for your support. I will also say despite my fears the medical process was actually not too bad and I certainly didn't suffer physically past normal period pains and the inconvenience of an extended period type bleeding. Helped I think because I was so early on.

@momoney1 I'm glad it's nearly done for you too. It's tough on the body and you should give yourself some rest and time to heal. Hoping you have some time off over Xmas to be kind to yourself. Hugs for your support when I needed it.

@MidnightMystery, I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I think you've made the right decision and I hope you get another appointment soon. If they are going to keep you in hospital anyway perhaps it might be better to insist on surgical? I chose this process simply to get it done quickly but it wasn't a 'quick' process and with the complications of twins maybe it's kinder on you to have the procedure removing everything in one go? Tough choices and I'm sorry you're in this position.

@Mammyloveswine hope you're feeling ok. It's a mixed blessing if you have started bleeding and as you say may be easier to cope with. Again sorry you're going through this but know there are a bunch of anonymous women on this thread hand holding. Honestly I had planned to delete this thread but whilst there are still women struggling and using this thread as support I intend to leave it running. Good luck and fingers crossed you won't need the tablets Monday. I'd still go though so they can scan and check it's definitely passing. Hope you have a good (ish) weekend.

@Mammabear111 whilst you may mean well and lord knows motherhood brings out the love in you when you have a new baby but we are all experienced women with our own reasons for making these choices. However well intentioned your words can cause guilt and pain where no more is needed. We have all agonised over our decisions and made the best ones we can, not just for ourselves but for all the other people in our lives. Please don't try and persuade women to your way of thinking. We know the benefits of having children because most is us already have and love them. We also know the hardship, the pain, the strain on finances, relationships, careers etc. We make choices with the best of intentions.

Thank you to all the kind women here that have supported each other and I wish you all good health and a happy Christmas safe in the knowledge we did our best and importantly the right thing.

Hi OP,
I’m 38 and found myself in a similar situation, but wasn’t brave enough to terminate. I have many wonderful children.
I love my kids undoubtedly, with every fibre of my being, but with a little more backbone I’d be where you are now.

I’m going to keep you in my thoughts this weekend because I think you are brave and strong. Your children will probably never realise what a great mum they have and what you have given up for them.

@Middledistancerunner what a kind gesture thank you. I'm not sure it's brave really but still it was the right thing for me. I hope things went well/go well in future with your choice to keep the pregnancy. We're all different and there really are no right or wrong, one size fits all, decisions

Thinking of you all this weekend

Hope everyone is doing ok.
I stopped bleeding/miscarrying yesterday and sent an angry text to the sperm donor (he forgot the day I was booked for the termination and has generally been rubbish, though we have decided not to see each other any more). Trying hard not to send more angry texts. But good to know I've moved from the sad to angry part of this process.

@DerbyshireGirly thank you for your concern for us but honestly no need to be rude. I don't think she was trying to offend us and she didn't push her agenda to the point of offence. Terminations are an emotive subject and she's entitled to her opinion even if we don't agree with it. But thank you for your support.

@momoney1 I'm sorry you're feeling angry. I guess be thankful you didn't go on to have a baby with that bloke as he's clearly an arse. Well done for getting through this.

As for me, I had pretty much stopped bleeding so, perhaps foolishly we did the deed last night. (Condoms AND withdrawal just to be sure! ). Sadly today I am bleeding again and now worried I've done more harm than good. Hoping it just prompted the last bit to clear. I hate all this worry.

Oh gosh @shouldhave, I understand your worry but I'm sure you haven't done any harm. Fingers crossed you are done soon. Did they tell you how long after you should expect your next period?
I hope it settles for you soon.

@DerbyshireGirly thank you for your concern for us but honestly no need to be rude. I don't think she was trying to offend us and she didn't push her agenda to the point of offence. Terminations are an emotive subject and she's entitled to her opinion even if we don't agree with it. But thank you for your support.

@momoney1 I'm sorry you're feeling angry. I guess be thankful you didn't go on to have a baby with that bloke as he's clearly an arse. Well done for getting through this.

As for me, I had pretty much stopped bleeding so, perhaps foolishly we did the deed last night. (Condoms AND withdrawal just to be sure! ). Sadly today I am bleeding again and now worried I've done more harm than good. Hoping it just prompted the last bit to clear. I hate all this worry.

No idea why that just posted twice!

I don't really know about next period. Literature seems to state that the termination/miscarriage is a period of sorts and restarts the cycle from then

Should have called I think you have to wait so long to have sex or it can cause infection

Bloody hell mamabear. You know what this topic is for. Just hide it. You can’t abuse posters for doing something entirely legal.

How can you see it mammy? It’s been deleted.

@PurpleDaisies it got deleted almost as soon as I reported it.

I just thought there is no need for that. In fact I might report my reply as don't want it to be triggering.

I'm just going into the clinic now, I'll post later on. Supposed to be going into work tomorrow but I think I'm going to take a few days off.

It was deleted at 230 when I reported it.
Was just a bit confused.