Termination at 38

[shouldhavecalleditoatabix]

So briefly, I have 2 DC and a long term happy relationship with DP. DC2 is 9 and 6 years ago I started a full time career. We absolutely do not want more children and have been talking about permanent contraception options. Then last week I missed a period and have confirmed I'm pregnant. I don't want this baby. I would love to have had more children but our circumstances simply make it too hard. I would have to change cars, home, buy everything again, miss months of work and where we used GP's for childcare last time round they're too old to take on a new baby and that means paying a fortune on childcare. I don't want to reduce my work hours and I don't want to be approaching 60 before our youngest is grown. I am expecting a phone appointment today to confirm and book in the termination.

Here's the issue though, I had another termination 16 years ago. I have never regretted it although occasionally I briefly think of it and wonder. I am worried that I have 'made too many withdrawals' from my mental health bank IYSWIM? What if it all comes back to haunt me afterwards? Don't get me wrong, I shed a tear with DP when I found out this time but I feel strangely calm about the whole thing. Will I regret it?

Good luck @mammy. Hope it goes ok. Definitely have a couple of days off.

@PurpleDaisies how strange it was still there when I reported! Unless it hadn't refreshed on my phone!

Thank you @momoney1

So I'm only 5 weeks 5 days which was a relief in some ways.

The nurse was lovely, thinks it's likely I would maybe miscarry due to the bleeding I've had but obviously everything was still there.

She told me it's 2.4mm long which puts into perspective that's it just cells at this stage.

I've got 24 hours to wait for the next tablet but think I really need time to process everything. I feel guilty for staying off work though but my boss is aware and lovely, said I just need to text her.

I've been emotional today so need to think of me. If I go in I'll just be thinking about waiting to take the next pills.

Thank you everybody who has been so supportive.

Hi @Mammy. I'm glad the nurse was nice. It makes such a difference dealing with someone kind and caring. I keep meaning to give Marie Stopes positive feedback about the one I saw last week.

I think having tried to go to work last week I would absolutely take a couple of days off, definitely tomorrow as you take the second pill and maybe see how you get on for Wednesday morning. I know I had a miscarriage in the end so slightly different but my bleeding only really hurt for a few hours on the first day.

Take it easy and put your feet up, get some biscuits in and watch something good on telly.

@Mammyloveswine absolutely take time off work. I took a whole 4 day set off and I don't regret it. It's really important you give yourself space and time to process what's happening. It is hugely emotional but just remember your reasons. If those reasons weren't good enough you would not be making this choice. Those reasons have sweet little faces and need their mummy's time. Those reasons include money, time, age, space and quite frankly, you don't WANT this. We are conditioned to believe making decisions for ourself can be selfish. Well this is in fact a decision made for others but even if it's just for you and entirely selfish then that's ok too.

I love my children with all my heart but it started to wear me down. I went to work full time in a job that challenges me about 6 years ago. I don't want to be part time again. I don't want 'baby brain' and I don't want to put my career back on hold while I raise another child.

Those are my reasons and they're strong for me. You have your own ones and they're strong for you. Get through these next couple of days and you can start looking forward to Christmas with your family.

Hand holds as ever

As for @Mammabear111 I have no idea what she said but presumably it was anti and accusing us of all kinds of nasties. Well I'm glad she was cleared out of our safe little corner of mn.

@shouldhavecalleditoatabix pain and bleeding has started now, it's worse than I thought but I suppose it's artificially inducing a miscarriage. I didn't get any pain killers from the clinic and thought I had some in... I don't. So gotta drag the kids to the corner shop after school pick up to get some paracetamol and ibuprofen.

Of course DH didn't think to ask for the day off... I just don't think he gets it.

I thought I would feel worse emotionally but I might just be distracted by the pain.

Have you got your painkillers yet Mammy? I found solpadine max helped. I hope you're feeling better this evening 💐

I had two abortions 20 years ago, I don't regret either they would have ruined my life.
It's clear if you had another baby you would put unbearable pressure on your life and be an old woman by the time the child left home.
Plus menopause, you'd be going through that with a teenager - total disaster, everyone would self combust.

Hello thought I'd check in and update,

I had an appointment yesterday and took the first tablet and the anti sickness, I went back today after the 24hours and taken the 4 oral tablets that dissolve between the teeth and gums.

Half an hour later (was expecting it to be between 2and 5 hours as they said) felt the cramps and bleeding has started. I had the tablets at 2:30pm they've given me a sore throat which is least of my worries right now.
Very heavy flow and clots I'm hoping it slows down soon.

Lots of love to everyone else here Thankyou for this thread.

@MidnightMystery and @Mammyloveswine thinking of you both. If your pattern followed mine the worst part is the first few hours. I'm sad you both don't have partners treating you like a Queen for the day. I made it quite clear I needed DP present for this (cos I'm a bit of a diva sometimes!) so he was under no illusion I expected him to go through this with me. Why should the woman suffer this alone cos we certainly didn't get into this situation alone?!

Anyway, I hope you have a better evening and you're being looked after. I was given codeine at the hospital though I didn't have to take them. Sorry you're both in pain. Keep us updated.

@MidnightMystery I wasn't offered anti-sickness meds, I was horrifically nauseous and dry retching all night!

I took the second lot vaginally which was fine.,

Hope you're ok, I'm still bleeding heavily and have cramping but it's now just like severe period pain. A hot water bottle helps.

Have managed to eat a little and had a glass of wine in the hope it would help. It hasn't.

Stupid things keep setting me off crying so my emotions are all over the place.

Hugs to you and look after yourself

This thread has been a godsend, thank you all

@Mammyloveswine funnily enough I considered wine! Lol I decided not to in the end but funny what we think of! This thread has been a little sanctuary really. Sending you hugs.

Slept like the dead last night!

Still cramping and bleeding but I feel strangely ok, possibly as the worst is over.

Contemplating going back to work tomorrow but know my boss would be happy for me to take the week. Might have a potter out this afternoon and see how I feel physically.

I can do some work from home so think I'll do a bit this morning and hopefully be able to concentrate!

@Mammyloveswine well done. Onwards and upwards.

@MidnightMystery and @momoney1 how are you both doing?

Feeling emotional have had a cry, I am ok just seem to bottle things up and then break eventually, I feel better letting it all out.

Bleeding is light now and have no pains anymore, can feel a migraine coming and lost my appetite I'm sure a decent sleep will fix that as I had nightmares last night so didn't sleep at all well.

I keep having a horrible thought playing on my mind aswel which is making me feel guilty.

Apart from all of that I feel the medication has worked and hopefully soon I will be back to my bubbly self.

Thankyou all for the support here I hope you are all getting on ok

Hope you feel better this morning @MidnightMystery and got some sleep.

I'm still bleeding quite heavily and also have horrible liquid diarrhoea (sorry for tmi). It's quite horrific and so I'm staying off the rest of the week.

Hi everyone. Glad everyone is ok, albeit it sore and emotional. Have been thinking of you Midnight and Mammy.

I'm feeling ok now I've stopped bleeding but I've never felt so tired in my life. Hoping this exhaustion leaves me soon. I think it must just been the stress and worry of the last few weeks, but going to bed at 9/10pm is very unusual for me!

Ooh missed your update Mammy. Sorry to hear you have a poorly tummy. I assume it's all the hormones? Hope it settles for you soon

@momoney1 I hope you have got some energy back now and have recovered ok, @Mammyloveswine how are you doing I hope the upset stomach has settled.

I'm feeling better now less emotional and feeling more myself again, still bleeding and have back and period pains today but I can cope with those I'd take physical pain over emotional pain any day xx

Lots of love to you all

Hi you should think about keeping the baby I my self was considering a termination went to the clinic twice and left unsure both times one time in tears when the lady told me they scarture your baby's ashes I couldn't go through with it and I am now going to keep my baby I am 10weeks pregnant and am so happy I did not terminate

For anyone reading this thread, please know they do not scatter fetal ashes

They're burnt and disposed of properly.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to say I hope you're all doing ok. I for one am looking forward to the new year and a fresh start. Thank you all so much for being such wonderful supports. I really appreciate the kindness shown on this thread. Happy Christmas x

Hey @momoney1 glad you're feeling positive. I too am feeling positive and looking forward to Christmas. Hope everyone else is ok?

I'm considering having this thread deleted simple because it's not a shining moment in our lives and I don't know how I feel about it always being linked to me.

I would leave it up if it is useful to others or if you think it would be useful to future women struggling. Thoughts?