Termination at 38

[shouldhavecalleditoatabix]

So briefly, I have 2 DC and a long term happy relationship with DP. DC2 is 9 and 6 years ago I started a full time career. We absolutely do not want more children and have been talking about permanent contraception options. Then last week I missed a period and have confirmed I'm pregnant. I don't want this baby. I would love to have had more children but our circumstances simply make it too hard. I would have to change cars, home, buy everything again, miss months of work and where we used GP's for childcare last time round they're too old to take on a new baby and that means paying a fortune on childcare. I don't want to reduce my work hours and I don't want to be approaching 60 before our youngest is grown. I am expecting a phone appointment today to confirm and book in the termination.

Here's the issue though, I had another termination 16 years ago. I have never regretted it although occasionally I briefly think of it and wonder. I am worried that I have 'made too many withdrawals' from my mental health bank IYSWIM? What if it all comes back to haunt me afterwards? Don't get me wrong, I shed a tear with DP when I found out this time but I feel strangely calm about the whole thing. Will I regret it?

Oh wow. That's unexpected. On the plus side it takes away the worry about whether you're making the right choice. On the flip side it is worrying. Keep us updated. Hope you're ok

Well that's been a crap day.
No conclusion at the hospital. Ruled a 'pregnancy of unknown location'. So it's either too small to see (unlikely as I'm sure of my dates), I'm miscarrying but no bleeding yet(?), or it's ectopic. I should know more tomorrow when the blood results are back. I then have to go back on Wednesday for another blood test.
I'm very frustrated. I've been waiting for this day for 18 days now and wanted to draw a line under it.
Nothing I can do though, just a waiting game

Hi you should think about keeping the baby I my self was considering a termination went to the clinic twice and left unsure both times one time in tears when the lady told me they scarture your baby's ashes I couldn't go through with it and I am now going to keep my baby I am 10weeks pregnant and am so happy I did not terminate

Hi mamma bear I'm really pleased for you but honestly if you read the thread you will see I had the termination already and the other lady on here has discovered it's not a viable pregnancy anyway so not the ideal post from you though I appreciate you just want to help.

@momoney1 I am sorry I haven't been able respond sooner. Been out and phone died I can't believe what's happening to you. I'm so sorry. Here's hoping it isn't ectopic which as you say is scary. Have no experience of that so cannot help with advice. How are you holding up in yourself? As awful as the not knowing is, I'm a little pleased you don't have to make the decision because I was so worried you may regret it. Thinking of you. Keep us posted.

Hi sorry I didn't read all the comments when I posted that but I now have and seen you saying you have had the termination hope you get tho this

Just a brief update - started bleeding late last night, and it's heavier now and quite painful. Hospital blood test from yesterday shoes my levels are a quarter of what they should be at this stage. They still want me to go back tomorrow to check the levels are still dropping.

Hoping my body clears everything and there are no complications. Ouch, it hurts.

Thanks for all your support Oatabix. Completely understand you wanting to delete this thread 💐💐💐

Wow momoney. I'm not sure whether to be pleased for you or disappointed! Sorry you're in pain today. I've never had a miscarriage but assuming it's similar pain to a termination then some people struggle a lot with the pain. Can you ask the hospital for some pain relief? They gave me codeine which I didn't need in the end but I would have used it if necessary. Get a hot water bottle in your back as well and alternate paracetamol and ibuprofen. You'll get through this.

I've taken some coedine and paracetamol. Stupidly in work-thoight it would be ok, really want to go home. Need to make an excuse.

Can't you quietly talk to your boss? You really shouldn't be doing this alone.

Reading this thread as I'm booked in for a termination on Monday, medical as it's the earliest appointment I could get. I'll be around 7 weeks going by my dates.

I feel a weird mixture of guilt and relief. It helps to not think of it as a baby but a medical procedure.

I need to speak to my boss at work...I was only off sick last week so booked in for Monday afternoon for the first pill then I'll take the second Tuesday pm (I finish work at 1). Hopefully I won't have to miss too much time!

But my boss is lovely so will hopefully say I'm away on a training course or something.

I'm sorry that we are all going through this. I have 2 young children already (3 and 1), financially I cannot have a third baby right now.

@momoney1 hope you're ok  I've also been drinking heavily, it's not ideal but it's helped me to sleep i suppose.

@shouldhavecalleditoatabix thank you for sharing your story.

@Mammyloveswine I'm sorry you're going through this too. Whilst I know how common it actually is I'm still surprised how many women are in n the same boat. It's so horrible bu honestly mammy for all my anxiety and worry I genuinely feel relief. It actually wasn't too bad physically and I don't regret it. I was at a house with twin boys of 1yrs old on the weekend and whilst they were cute it only reinforced my decision. I just don't want to go back to the young baby stage and I can not do it. So thus it's the right decision for me. I hope it goes ok for you too.

Thank you @shouldhavecalleditoatabix I feel more sure as today has gone on... hopefully Christmas will be a welcome distraction then I've got my boys birthdays just after... I think I'll always feel a bit sad but it's just the worst timing.

You have to do what's right for you AND your little family. The strain it would have put us under just wasn't fair on anyone and it sounds like you're in a similar place.

Oh gosh @Mammyloveswine, I'm sorry you're in this position too but like Oatabix says it sounds like the right decision for you and your family. I hope it goes ok with your boss.

I'm feeling better than I was earlier but will take tomorrow off too I think. Thank you for your well wishes

Glad you're feeling better @momoney1

Thanks @momoney1 definitely take care of yourself.

Just had another blood test and should get results later today. Tmi maybe but the bleeding hasn't been too heavy - just like a period really. No big clots or anything. Am assuming miscarriage not ectopic and that I'll have to do a pregnancy test next week or something.

Well, heavier than my usual periods as they are usually light and short. So heavy for me but not a horror show! No pain today

It was the same for me but with an initial 'heavy' bleed with a small amount of clotting. I suspect if you are miscarrying then it may have stopped developing even earlier and I was 7+5 so I wouldn't expect lots of clotting. Hopefully you're not having an ectopic. I don't know but I think ectopic is more painful anyway isn't it? Good luck

Got blood results. Levels have halved since Monday of course. Told them I've been bleeding, so obviously it's a miscarriage. They will want me to go back on Friday for another blood test

@momoney1 be kind to yourself.

I spoke with my boss today, she was so supportive and lovely. Told me to take as much time off as I need.

I feel even more sure today and just want Monday over with.

I feel relief.

Just thought I'd update, I had an appointment today and found to have been a twin pregnancy. I had awful pain and bleeding Saturday so at the scan she discovered one had died and the other is still there.

Just before we got to the medication part she had said I can't have it as they want my recent medical records.

I feel a mess having to wait for another appointment now on top of the news it was a twin pregnancy. I may have to have it in a hospital setting depending on what the consultant says once reviewed my history.

The two week wait was hard enough now I have no idea what's going to happen or when exactly.

Thinking of everyone else going through this

Midnight you will regret it think about keeping the twin what survived

Oh gosh @midnightmystery. I'm so sorry this has been difficult.
I hope they can sort you out soon 💐

@momoney1 
I've just been catching up on the thread and read what you've been going through. Please take care of yourself. None of this is nice and it can be so draining especially the not knowing parts.

@shouldhavecalleditoatabix Thankyou for this thread, sharing your story and being so kind. X

@Mammabear111 I know you may mean well and this hasn't been easy for me but I need to think of my family as a whole and not just myself. I have three little children who deserve my attention and love so bringing another baby into our lives now will not be fair on them.