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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Regretted abortion and now want a baby

110 replies

Owl82 · 16/10/2019 10:08

I'm looking for advice I dont want to upset anyone but I'm in such a hard place, I had a termination 4 weeks ago! It was the biggest mistake of my life I'm 37 (I have 3 children) and now feel I have thrown my chance away, we have thought about trying again but I feel like that it would be so wrong, and also I dont want to be judged, I feel like an evil person, is it wrong to try for another child I cant leave it a year or to I'm getting to old now, or should I forget about the whole thing and try and move forward, it's so hard!

OP posts:
PatricksRum · 22/10/2019 00:51

I'll report your comment for bullying @lottelupin

lottelupin · 22/10/2019 06:49

Patrick obviously I am exaggerating/joking. I said it in an attempt to shock you into stopping. But really. You have had the OP persistently asking you to stop. And others. And you just keep on. It's so insensitive and so just focused on your agenda that it's hard to understand.

Without this probably being the intention of your repeated insistence on your point, the effect of what you've been saying is bullying of the OP (and others who have suffered due to abortion).

Really the sufferers and you probably agree that abortion is not a good thing.

GloriaMumsnet · 22/10/2019 09:03

Hi everyone, we're hoping this thread can get back on track to OP's original dilemma, otherwise we might have to close it, which we'd hate to do. Flowers

funinthesun19 · 22/10/2019 11:24

This board is called Pregnancy Choices. If people can’t handle what many of the threads will inevitably be about, then my advice is to stay away. People like Patrick come on here purely to talk about how offended they are and that’s not what the board is for.

Bedlington5 · 29/07/2020 09:27

@Owl82 Hi I am 1 week post termination and I am a mess with grief and upset, my sister in law gave birth this morning and I'm all over the place with remorse. Took me 3 weeks to decide to terminate my pregnancy. Do you have any advice does this get any easier? Do I try for a planned pregnancy? I have 2 DC already and I'm 40.
Sorry to pop up after a while. Just need some help for someone who has gone through this. X

Owl82 · 29/07/2020 10:05

@bedlington5, hi I'm really sorry you have found your self here, I am sorry you are going through this, its probably the worst experience of my life, and all I can say is I still struggle, yes I am not quite at the totally raw stage as I once was at the very beginning, but I still struggle loads its like waves I have a spell of being OK and if I'm busy doing other things then I don't think about it the same but then the next wave rolls in and I'm back feeling shit again, i get triggered a lot to, I've watched my friend have a baby same time I could have, also girl from work have hers same time I could have to and I worked beside her the whole way and that was so hard she doesn't know, no one knows apart from my partner and a Co worker and if I'm honest wish I hadn't said to her as she thought I was doing the right thing, how can anyone think that this was the right thing! I have a friend who is expecting and I find that hard to. At the beginning I thought about it every single day from the moment I open my eyes till I shut them and it would even wake me up, I can still have times at night where I can't sleep to good, I've been to an abortion group to chat with other woman who understand but caronavirus happened and not been able to go back, I did have a counselling session over the phone, but if I'm honest I think it takes more than 1 call to make any difference, for me anyway.

The stage you are at is horrible your hormones are alover the place I went through the thought that maybe I could have another but I then realised that would make things so much worse, for me anyway, it would have made the guilt worse and I couldn't handle that, they call it replacement baby felling, having another wount bring the one you don't have back and may and I have read this put you back in the same situation you were just in, as your reasons for having one will still be there, as its only been 1 week since, yes maybe not all of them but you will find the main reason will be, I know all the silly reasons for me vanished instantly but the big ones were still a feature and yes can be worked round but I'm similar age to you which is one of my reasons and that wount change I'll not get younger now, what I'd say is give yourself a few months for hormones to settle you need to grieve as much as people on here disagree but it's a fact you do, and let yourself feel what you feel be sad angry cry do all those things don't keep it in it only comes back to haunt you again read slot of this from woman that deal with it later in life and it tortures them, and then see how you feel, and if then you feel it's the right thing to do you will know but give your self time, again I hate that saying, time has and hasn't helped me I've just realised that it's something that will never leave me, it's just about living with it now and it's hard and it hurts so much but I don't have any other choice. Sorry if this isn't maybe as positive as you might hoped but i thought I'd rather be honest this is my experience and you may be fine.

Look after yourself big hugs x

OP posts:
Tori2005 · 10/08/2020 17:14

Hi @bedlington5

Your hormones will be all over the place take it from someone who knows. For the first 6 weeks post abortion I felt my mind was not my own. I wasnt up or down. I was down and even further down. It felt like everywhere I went there was a pram or a child crying somewhere. BUT it did get easier. Still think about it but logically and know it was the right choice, even if you doubt it at the moment when you can see clearer you will know you made your choice based on what you felt was right at that time. Go with your feelings. Be honest with people who know. My friend had a baby and it was hard but I was honest and it helped. Avoid baby programmes for a while and invest in yourself. Pamper. Fresh air. A nice bath. Just things to make you feel better.
X

Eliz0 · 14/03/2023 15:00

Owl82 . I know you wrote this years ago. But I could've written this myself. I am in bed depressed in guilt, grief, and regret after my termination. I also am contemplating if I really want another baby or if I just think I do. I am 37 with two kids. It's been sometime since your post. How do you feel now? Did you try for another baby. I hope you are okay. Please give me some insight. Thabks

CharlotteMcF · 04/04/2023 12:23

I’m in exactly the same position today. Just put my two kids to bed and broke down. Ive made the biggest mistake of my life. I had an MT yesterday and I thought it was best for them, and got caught up in worrying about money and how we’d cope but it all seems so insignificant now

Barelycoping1234 · 06/03/2024 17:25

I know this post is old but did anyone have another baby?

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