@bedlington5, hi I'm really sorry you have found your self here, I am sorry you are going through this, its probably the worst experience of my life, and all I can say is I still struggle, yes I am not quite at the totally raw stage as I once was at the very beginning, but I still struggle loads its like waves I have a spell of being OK and if I'm busy doing other things then I don't think about it the same but then the next wave rolls in and I'm back feeling shit again, i get triggered a lot to, I've watched my friend have a baby same time I could have, also girl from work have hers same time I could have to and I worked beside her the whole way and that was so hard she doesn't know, no one knows apart from my partner and a Co worker and if I'm honest wish I hadn't said to her as she thought I was doing the right thing, how can anyone think that this was the right thing! I have a friend who is expecting and I find that hard to. At the beginning I thought about it every single day from the moment I open my eyes till I shut them and it would even wake me up, I can still have times at night where I can't sleep to good, I've been to an abortion group to chat with other woman who understand but caronavirus happened and not been able to go back, I did have a counselling session over the phone, but if I'm honest I think it takes more than 1 call to make any difference, for me anyway.
The stage you are at is horrible your hormones are alover the place I went through the thought that maybe I could have another but I then realised that would make things so much worse, for me anyway, it would have made the guilt worse and I couldn't handle that, they call it replacement baby felling, having another wount bring the one you don't have back and may and I have read this put you back in the same situation you were just in, as your reasons for having one will still be there, as its only been 1 week since, yes maybe not all of them but you will find the main reason will be, I know all the silly reasons for me vanished instantly but the big ones were still a feature and yes can be worked round but I'm similar age to you which is one of my reasons and that wount change I'll not get younger now, what I'd say is give yourself a few months for hormones to settle you need to grieve as much as people on here disagree but it's a fact you do, and let yourself feel what you feel be sad angry cry do all those things don't keep it in it only comes back to haunt you again read slot of this from woman that deal with it later in life and it tortures them, and then see how you feel, and if then you feel it's the right thing to do you will know but give your self time, again I hate that saying, time has and hasn't helped me I've just realised that it's something that will never leave me, it's just about living with it now and it's hard and it hurts so much but I don't have any other choice. Sorry if this isn't maybe as positive as you might hoped but i thought I'd rather be honest this is my experience and you may be fine.
Look after yourself big hugs x