Termination around 24 weeks

[CherryO88]

Firstly I cannot believe I am even having to contemplate. I am currently 21+3 pregnant with a very wanted and loved second pregnancy. All hell broke loose on Monday at my 20 week scan- baby has a major heart defect and she queried increased nuchal and slight rotation of the ankles. I have since seen a fetal cardiologist who diagnosed a complete AVSD probably with tetralogy of fallot. We have a 80% chance of this being due to Downs, although in my heart I know it is.
I am awaiting the harmony test and will have an amnio done with the fetal medical team on Thursday.
Once chromosomal syndrome is confirmed we are 90% we are not going to proceed with the pregnancy. This is due to our belief that the baby will not have a good quality of life and the road ahead is too uncertain and full of pain and suffering.
Has anyone any experience of a late term abortion? I live in NI so will have to travel and die to the laws here no medical professional has discussed this with me so far.
Thanks

sending you lots of love, and I hope that you are able to get things organised quickly, and with the minimum of extra stress possible. It’s all just so unfair

The decision has been made out of love OP ❤️ Never forget that. They can often be the most difficult decisions to make.

If I was in your shoes, I would make the same decision, and I wouldn’t have to jump through hoops to access the right services, just because of where I live. Shocking it really is, it needs to change.

Sending you a big hug 🤗 my thoughts are with you. So sorry

I'm so so sorry you're going through all this stress on top of such awful news. I feel very blessed reading this that when my little boy had died, I was told to go home, get my head round it all and admit myself when I was ready to. To think of anyone not having that choice when they can't even think straight for grief is horrific .

OP I am so sorry you are going through this. I am sitting here in tears imagining how you must be feeling. I cannot believe how difficult it is for women where you are to access the right support and guidance.

Sending you, and your family love.

The decision has been made out of love OP

This, in big massive letters. It is absolutely clear that everything you’ve discussed and eventually decided, it has all been done with love, consideration and care as the most important factors. That is love.

Cherry I am so so sorry for what you are going through. I am also sorry that the laws in NI are leaving you in the position of having to travel to get you the health care that you need. I'm glad you have doctors supporting you.

Remember that all Edith will have ever known is the warmth and comfort of your body. She will never suffer and will go quietly. You are doing this out of love and you have so much strength.

I will donate to support services for women in NI in yours and and Edith's honour.

Queen that was beautiful.

I'm so desperately sorry op.
Edith is such a beautiful name. Queen is right all she will ever have know is love, warmth and peace.
Everything you are doing is out of love.

I’m feeling so heavy hearted for you. I’m so sad that a heartbreaking situation will demand you travel overseas for a solution, it’s isn’t right that you and our counterparts in NI have to do this.

Like a PP I’ll be making a donation in honour of you and Edith too.

Sending you prayers and strength.

❤️💐

Very sorry to hear about your little girl op. Sending you strength and love

I am in pieces, your words are beyond kind. The fact donations have been made in Edith’s honour has overwhelmed me.
I have been offered a surgical termination but I feel like I owe it to my baby to labour her and hold her afterwards. I want to tell her just how sorry I am and how much she is loved. My heart shatters into a million pieces just thinking about that. So I am waiting further as no slots are available.
My DD is being so attentive to me and wiping away my tears while staring at my face with such a curious look on her face. It is amazing how intuitive a toddler can be

Oh OP, I’ll donate too. It’s so unfair that an already heartbreaking and traumatic situation is being compounded.

for you and for Edith

Don't want to derail your thread Cherry, but I gave to the Abortion Support Network today. Anyone else who wants to can easily find the link by googling.

I cried for you and Edith too. Because of what you are doing she will never know pain or suffering or even separation from you. Her short life will always be at peace. Like a Pp said, you are taking the pain on yourself so that she will never know any. That is what a mother does. You are a mother.

Oh my lovely, I am so sorry 🌷

The termination situation there is diabolical. Termination for serious medical reasons should not even be in question...it’s disgraceful.

You are being so brave. I think I would want to opt for labouring too, just so I could hold her, but it would be much more difficult and no one would judge you for electing a surgical instead, which I might would end up doing,

Edith is a beautiful name, for a beautiful baby, who will know she is loved 💕

Bless your heart ! I just wanted to say how sad I felt reading these messages and say that I am thinking of you . What a beautiful name you have chosen for your little girl and the path that you have chosen has been made out of love for her and to stop her feeling any pain . I'd like to say that if you can gain even the smallest amount of comfort in what must feel like a nightmare right now is that you loved her too much to watch her suffer . Xx

Cherry. I can totally understand your desire to want to labour and hold your baby. If I had been further along I think I would have elected to do the same.

I do have some regrets that I have absolutely nothing to show for my four losses. No special tree or place to go. No precious thing to hold.

At the time I wanted everything gone but now I just feel pretty sad about it. Once the adrenaline passes it’s amazing how differently you can feel. So now I would always advocate keeping something to remember them by. In the long run I think it becomes very soothing.

Hi I don’t have much advice except maybe contact these people www.nupas.co.uk/irish-overseas/ they are the National unplanned pregnancy association and I’m sure they can help you regardless of whether your pregnancy was planned or not. I recently did some research for a university essay and discovered their website and from what i could see they seem extremely helpful.
I’m so so sorry that tour going through this and really hope you get the help and advice that you deserve. Sending you lots of love at this awful time ❤️

Cherry - as others have said, you have made a very brave and loving decision as Edith's mum. God bless, I really do understand why you want to go through labour and see her when she's born and say goodbye. I think that's what I would do too. Lots of us are thinking of you and holding your hand all the way Xxxx

Thank you all. Your words really do mean so much, I have read them many times over the last few days.
We are still no further along and no plan in place. I can only have a surgical termination through BPAS, which I absolutely do not want to do, and that is the only official direction we had been given. Thankfully I have managed to contact a hospital last week who were willing to help, but have to wait for a call tomorrow to discuss further.
All in all it has been an absolute nightmare, its been nearly 3 weeks since we were first given the news and with each new development we have gone through a new grieving period. Once we recover slightly then something new hits us and we go under again. It’s intolerable. I can’t believe we’ve even made it this far.
I have had reduced movements over the last week or so, had a scan yesterday and they told me she’s a very sick little baby and not to be surprised that she’s already gone by the time we get to England. I just want someone to help her, and us.
My friend is due exactly one week after I was and today I found out she is also having a little girl. I am so happy for my friend for the joy she’s about to experience, but it really broke my heart to know I will watch this baby grow up and all the while knowing Edith would’ve been at exactly the same stage. I am so heart broken she will never have that chance.

I have no words of advice, can only offer you my love and prayers. You are in a position that no parents want to be in, and nobody can say how to feel or what to do, unless they’ve been in that position, but again each of your experiences will be individual to you.

Please don’t ever beat yourself up over your decision, you’ve done what you feel is parents is best. You are considering your baby daughters quality of life and your daughters quality of life.

I hope everything goes as well as expected, and although a stranger you will be in my prayers each day. This is honestly the first thread for a long time that’s reduced me to tears. Take care as a family

I have no words Cherry088 other than you're very much in my thoughts. What you're going through is horrendous. I can't get my head around the lack of help you are getting . I can only hope that knowing how poorly your little girl is makes your decision a tiny bit easier to bear .

Her wee heart was stopped on Tuesday morning. If my DH hadn’t been with me I think I would’ve walked out of the hospital. I can’t even describe the feelings I had, when I relive it in my mind I can’t believe I survived it.
I am still carrying her, initially I would be trying to feel her move, waiting for a kick but now I’m used to the silence in there.
I am desperate to give birth to her but have been told I can’t go back into hospital until tomorrow morning. This waiting is killing us. It’s been 3.5 weeks of desperation and grief and I don’t think I have much more in me. I am terrified the labour is going to break me mentally.
Anyone who has been through this before, was the labour quick? Do I still have to get to 10cm to deliver? She is breech, I’m not sure if that will change anything.
I have bought her a micro premier babygro and hat. I have put it in my bra and slept with it last night in bed so it will have my scent on it. Isn’t that insane? My baby will never be able to smell but I don’t know what else I can do

My aunt had a very similar experience at about 30 weeks, this was almost 20 years ago. I was only a child and all we were aware of is that baby was very poorly and our aunt had been very brave to make this decision (we knew she had terminated, even as kids we weren't told the baby had died). It was heartbreaking and devastating and everything all at once. She still has photos of her son on display in her home and we all still talk about him openly. He was her second child; she went on to have two further healthy pregnancies.

I am so sorry you are faced with having to make this decision OP but I hope you get lots and lots of support.

The outfit having your scent is lovely OP. Have you named your daughter? I am so so sorry.