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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Termination around 24 weeks

154 replies

CherryO88 · 19/08/2018 20:28

Firstly I cannot believe I am even having to contemplate. I am currently 21+3 pregnant with a very wanted and loved second pregnancy. All hell broke loose on Monday at my 20 week scan- baby has a major heart defect and she queried increased nuchal and slight rotation of the ankles. I have since seen a fetal cardiologist who diagnosed a complete AVSD probably with tetralogy of fallot. We have a 80% chance of this being due to Downs, although in my heart I know it is.
I am awaiting the harmony test and will have an amnio done with the fetal medical team on Thursday.
Once chromosomal syndrome is confirmed we are 90% we are not going to proceed with the pregnancy. This is due to our belief that the baby will not have a good quality of life and the road ahead is too uncertain and full of pain and suffering.
Has anyone any experience of a late term abortion? I live in NI so will have to travel and die to the laws here no medical professional has discussed this with me so far.
Thanks

OP posts:
Yogagirl123 · 21/08/2018 16:47

So sorry OP, handhold, Flowers

faeriequeen · 21/08/2018 16:58

Sending you lots of love. We had a similar set of results and were given the option of tfmr straight away (we were close to the cut off for the feticide injection) or the amniocentesis. We chose the amnio.

While we waited for the results (for what seemed like forever) we decided we wanted to give the baby the chance to fight if it was possible.

As it was the amniocentesis came back clear. The blood tests and scans had been wrong and we had a healthy daughter, but I go right back there every time I think about it.

Lots of love to you.

Original poster
CherryO88 · 21/08/2018 17:38

The harmony test results have come back positive for DS. I wasn’t surprised or shocked and have barely cried since he told me. The drs and hospitals cannot help me make arrangements for a termination so I have tried to contact a charity but no answer. Assuming they’re closed for the evening.
I will still attend my foetal medicine appointment on Thursday and have the amnio done but we just do not want this life for our baby.
We have called her Edith. I love her so much my heart aches for her, I would give my own life to make this better for her

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 21/08/2018 17:43

Edith is a beautiful name, I’m so very sorry Cherry for everything you’re going through. It just isn’t bloody fair.

BIWI · 21/08/2018 17:46

I'm so sorry Flowers

onetimeposter · 21/08/2018 17:49

So sorry xxx

frogprincess84 · 21/08/2018 18:25

Cherry I am so heartbroken for you, and ashamed that our government in NI (and the UK government) continues to let you and women in your situation down. I'm horrified no medical professional will help you with this - the attorney general stated that medical professionals who refer patients for terminations in GB will not face prosecution, so I just can't understand this. Not sure what charity you have tried but sole resource which may be helpful - ASN www.asn.org.uk/contact-us/
Terminations For Medical Reasons (roi based, may be able to point you the right way?) tfmrireland.com/

Sorry if the app has eaten my paragraphs here, but please know as a fellow NI woman I am thinking of you and sending you love xx

triwarrior · 21/08/2018 18:37

I’m so sorry.

SleepFreeZone · 21/08/2018 18:51

I’m so sorry OP. I wish I knew what to advise but I just don’t know anything about how the system works in NI. Please keep trying the charity though.

Annabelle4 · 21/08/2018 19:03

I'm so sorry you're going through this Sad Flowers

Pandamodium · 22/08/2018 09:59

I'm so sorry Thanks

My son died at 24 weeks different circumstances but it was my choice to turn off the life support, I massively underestimated the emotional toll it took and I ended up in quite a bad place.

Please, please look after yourself. It's obvious from your post you love your daughter and want what's best got her.

DeadButDelicious · 22/08/2018 10:12

I lost my first daughter at 20 weeks, she died before she was born. She had a chromosome disorder (not downs, a partial deletion) which we only found out about after she was born. Had we found this out before what happened we would of probably made the same decision you have. As it stands it was taken out of our hands and I still don't know if that was for the best or not. I don't think either way would of been any easier though.

All my love to you and your family. Thanks

Badumdumdum · 22/08/2018 16:07

Oh my dear. I am so sorry you have to make this decision. Edith is a beautiful name. She will have only ever felt love and warmth and comfort from and she will know that love her. She will always be a part of you and your family.

ASN should be able to help you with getting referred to an English hospital. When you get referred ask if there is a bereavement midwife who can be with you when you deliver and provide support and advice on what happens next. They, or the hospital chaplain will be able to help with funeral arrangements too.
Sands can provide information on how you might feel and what to expect too. Their forum was a lifeline for me when my son died.

My heart is breaking for you and your family.

Badumdumdum · 22/08/2018 16:10

Here is a link to Sands' practical leaflets. They helped me in the first few days.
www.sands.org.uk/support/bereavement-support

butlerswharf · 22/08/2018 16:11

I'm sorry you're going through such a terrible time. I love your baby's name. Edith's just beautiful.

notapizzaeater · 22/08/2018 16:19

So sorry to hear this, I think you are being the best parents possible here. I know lots of people with ds kids and tbh if I was in your shoes I'd do the same.

TomHardysNextWife · 22/08/2018 20:03

Edith is a beautiful name Flowers.

faeriequeen · 22/08/2018 20:10

Hope you're ok OP. Be gentle with yourself and don't rush into anything. Take the time you need to think with your husband and maybe speak to ARC - they helped us. Lots of love.

xJune88 · 22/08/2018 20:21

So so sorry xxxx

woman11017 · 22/08/2018 20:22

Edith is a lovely name; and wishing you lots of love Flowers

Flowerypig · 22/08/2018 20:33

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I lost my first little one, a girl, too and it was just so hard ....but you do eventually come through the other side and carry that love you have for them with you.

Yogagirl123 · 23/08/2018 07:20

Thinking of you today OP Flowers

KisstheTeapot14 · 23/08/2018 09:43

OP hope you are Ok. Thinking of you, hope you are getting the support you need during this difficult time x

nonnatushouse · 23/08/2018 21:29

Oh OP, nothing anyone can say will make this any better. But we’re here to listen and support.

So desperately sad. A terrible and impossible position to be in. My heart breaks for you Flowers

Original poster
CherryO88 · 24/08/2018 11:49

THank you all for your kind words. You don’t know how much comfort they have given me over the last few days.
We had our amnio performed yesterday, the Dr was so sympathetic and even though I could barely breathe for crying she managed to make me feel better and not judged at all when it came to discussing the options.
We have made our decision not to proceed with the pregnancy. I have torn myself to pieces and read as much medical literature over the past week and I just can’t come up with a scenario that I would be happy she wouldn’t suffer.
The task now is trying to get a clinic/hospital slot. There is a backlog of cases and with it being a bank holiday on Monday etc etc. I have spent all morning crying on the phone to strangers. I am incredibly fortunate to have quite a few friends who are Drs who have spoken to their own friends working in this field and have been pointed in the right direction. Without them I would be at a complete loss. The information I have been given about how women have been treated here recently that have been in my position are truly scary and disgusting. Once we have gotten through this I will try as much as I can to try make sure that no woman here will have this feeling of abandonment.

OP posts: