Abortion scan please please help desperate

[tryingtobestronger]

I went for a scan yesterday, assuming Id be having my abortion on Wednesday and Thursday of this week.

My lmp dates suggest im just over 7 weeks.

My scan showed I was around 5. They said I need to go back in two weeks time to redo the scan as they need to see a embryo and all they saw was a pregnancy sac (normal for 5 weeks).
I am so upset. Will I be over 9 weeks when I go back? Nurse said no- I will be around 7 weeks.
What date did your scan go by?
I'm really struggling, have no one to talk to and I'm so confused . Please someone help im begging you.

You aren't going to die. I have never heard of anyone dying from a medically managed abortion in this country. I haven't been through this, but I do have several friends who went through terminations in their twenties, and all of them were absolutely fine. Upset, obviously, in most cases, it is hard emotionally of course, but physically very quickly up and about again. You will get decent care, it is early, and you will be fine.

Re dates, I think that is because it is never truly possible to absolutely accurately date a pregnancy, there are too many variables. If you know the conception date, then that is the most accurate, but you will still have to allow a few days leeway for ovulation/implantation etc. Scans show the size of an embryo very accurately, and that can be plotted for date, but it can still be out by a small amount because developement is variable.

I really feel for you...

I went through this , I iust wanted it over because I was in a panic. I took a pill then two days later an "internal" pull through BPAS and I did it alone - no one knows. I was sick and then sore for a day or two but it was manageable, the biggest thing will be some moral support because physically it's ok.

Where is your husband from? Is he here or in his country? And who is he doing a visa through? You don't actually need a solicitor etc to get a visa, my husband is from India and we changed his visa ourselves.

OP, can you ask for a surgical termination? I was about five weeks at the scan and the date was set in a fortnight's time. I had no idea I would even have a scan, and by the time I returned to the nurse, I was distraught. She suggested the surgical option as I was in such a bad way. You can't be alone for the chemical abortion, and while all terminations are traumatising, I feel it can actually be more upsetting if you already have a child. The surgical procedure involve general anaesthetic and is over fairly quickly. It is very safe, but you will need someone to take you home. You don't sound emotionally equipped to do this at home, and I so understand that - neither was I.

Scan date does connect with the conception. So I guess that's right, and that I am actually around 5 weeks then. I would have got very faint positive test and a negative test at around 3 weeks.

I don't earn enough for a spouse visa. So we can't do it that way. The rules are so unfair. I see so many new people who are foreign and can't speak English coming into my town and I wonder just how they do it. They all live in a big house, about 30 in a house. That's fine and these people must be desperate and who knows what they are fleeing .

My husband is educated, can speak fluent English. He's a good Person. Willing to work. Has a place to live. No criminal record . It's so unfair

My DH didn't get a spouse visa because I was a student so we applied for a family (?) visa which suited me because it's 10 years rather than 2-5. Whoever is advising you doesn't sound very good at their job which is no doubt adding to your stress.

Pendu was this recent?

I think in the last 5 years a lot has changed. I think in 2013 all the rules were changed

We applied in 2014. Is your DH commonwealth?

I'm not sure what common wealth is. He's african . He actually got refused a tourist visa just to come visit in feb. The reason why they refused it was because he had never traveled before. He has never wanted to travel or needed to travel.

It's just all unfair and doesn't make sense

Commonwealth is like canada, Australia , India. I don't think any part of Africa is commonwealth but I'm not that knowledgable about it

It would be so much easier on me if he was here. I feel safer and happier around him.

But now we are not even talking. Which makes this 10000 times worse. The fear, the unknown, being alone. It's like a real nightmare which I can't wake up from

Quite a few African countries are in the Commonwealth. The full list is on www.thecommonwealth.org

You can die in childbirth, it is rare thankfully and I'm just saying it to show it is rare. When you are reading about medical issues online, it will always tell you the absolute worst outcome. Maybe they are obliged to cover everything and that is the reason they do it. You teally ought to get some counselling to put your mind at ease.

Then if you proceed, perhaps keep yourself busy with organising childcare for your little boy while you are in the medical centre and maybe even a couple of days after so you can rest/cry and just take care of yourself.

It is hard for your husband being far away and feeling like his hands are tied. It is hard for you because you are alone here. However you have a little boy so please get through the next couple of weeks and hold off making any big relationship decisions. Now is not the time to even think about them. Whatever happens regarding the visa happens and you can both decide your future depending on the outcome.

Can you even confide in a colleague? You sound young and distressed, it really would help to talk to somebody.

I was in this situation last year. Found out at 5 weeks, scanned at 7 and didn't get the actual termination until 9 weeks. The month waiting was awful.

The clinics are very busy buy I don't know why they can't do then procedure regardless of if it's 'viable'. The only suggestion I have is to see if any clinics further away have appointments sooner

They can't do the procedure for many reasons before that time but mainly as the % of success is really low before 5weeks 3 days. Even then it is advised to wait a little longer.
As for not being able to go alone for these treatments you don't have to have anyone with you until you are 16 weeks + gestation.

I see no way out. I think the worst will happen. I will be in excruciating pain screaming. Blood everywhere. I will have to have an internal

How can I do normal things if I have that In my head. Knowing in two weeks this will happen. I don't want to be here anymore

I can't sleep at night. Right now I'm exhausted but I know I won't be able to sleep

OP, you will be fine.

You will get the procedure and the worst won't happen. It won't be pleasant, but there is no need to panic.

It will be OK.

Take a deep breath. The medical professionals do lots and lots of these and they know what they are doing. It's their job to know what they are doing.

You, on the other hand, do not know and are simply scared of the unknown. Stop googling.

All easy to say but less easy to do, I admit!

But there is a way out. In two weeks' time you will have the termination. You won't be in massive pain, there won't be lots of blood. You really need to get off the internet and go out and play with your little boy.

You need to speak to your GP ASAP as clearly your anxiety us through the roof!

He knows there is something wrong. I'm the worst mother in the world. Why was I blessed with him. He is so well behaved and caring and he's always smiling z. He just said u ok mum? With a reassuring smile. I said yeah but he knows I'm not I have tears in my eyes