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Original poster

Abortion scan please please help desperate

514 replies

tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 10:07

I went for a scan yesterday, assuming Id be having my abortion on Wednesday and Thursday of this week.

My lmp dates suggest im just over 7 weeks.

My scan showed I was around 5. They said I need to go back in two weeks time to redo the scan as they need to see a embryo and all they saw was a pregnancy sac (normal for 5 weeks).
I am so upset. Will I be over 9 weeks when I go back? Nurse said no- I will be around 7 weeks.
What date did your scan go by?
I'm really struggling, have no one to talk to and I'm so confused . Please someone help im begging you.

OP posts:
SunshineAgain · 09/08/2016 11:36

I got my appointment straight after my scan and could have started the procedure the next day but delayed so I could have more time off work

klmnop · 09/08/2016 11:39

The exact same happened to me. My first scan measured 4 weeks and 5 and I had to go back after 10 days. It was a difficult wait. When I returned the scan wasn't measuring notably different, around 5 weeks but they still completed the surgical procedure which was what I wanted. I just have to do a pregnancy test in a week or so. Please try to stay calm, if you are certain that this is the right choice for you then just focus on that while you wait. They will also have counsellors so perhaps this would offer you some valuable support. I was lucky to have my husband and we made the decision together, I really feel for you on your own

Original poster
tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 11:44

Did your first scan date, go back to when you would have ovulated and conceived.

I know he loves me. But I'm so hard to love.

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Original poster
tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 11:45

I feel like my life is falling apart. Is this normal

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TheMshipIsBack · 09/08/2016 11:51

Even if you opt for a surgical termination, I can reassure you that at this stage it's a very quick procedure. The medical termination (pills) wasn't available when I had a termination almost 20 years ago. I was 11 weeks along. I was in and out of hospital on the same day, able to function normally by the time I was home. I did it on my own, and the nurses were very kind to me.

It sucks having to wait two weeks, but do consider that you may miscarry naturally between now and then. It's better to avoid an unnecessary medical procedure. I've had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and it was like a heavy period. Keep talking on here and try to see your gp for help with the anxiety and stress of waiting.

Original poster
tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 11:53

The nurse said I may even start to bleed by the next scan. Why would she have reason to think that. My scan I had was. Perfectly normal for Round 5 weeks. I wish wish wish I would start miscarry. That sounds disgusting and I deserve to go to hell for that but this is killing me

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TheMshipIsBack · 09/08/2016 11:55

About dates - if the scan says 5 weeks that's probably accurate. You'd be 7 weeks when they do the procedure, and you may not have any pregnancy symptoms at all, just a heavy period when it's done. Focus on your son, get out of the house if you can, and do see a professional. This level of panic could be helped with temporary medication and you should really look at counselling.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/08/2016 11:56

Sex four and a half weeks ago would make you six and a half weeks pregnant. There can be a slight delay in fertilisation, so you could be six weeks, but if the scan is showing five weeks and no heartbeat it is possible that the pregnancy isn't progressing properly and may not be viable anyway. I'm sorry you are having to wait and I think that being all alone and going through this must be horrendous. Don't make any panic decisions now, like giving up your husband. Can you try and get some quiet time when your little boy is asleep to think over what you really want to do? It seems you do love your husband, the situation might not seem so impossible when things have calmed down a bit.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/08/2016 11:58

Oh and the nurse probably said that you might start to bleed, because you are small for your dates, which can sometimes mean the pregnancy isn't developing.

TheMshipIsBack · 09/08/2016 11:58

Lots of pregnancies look normal early on and miscarry. The one I lost at 8 weeks I'd actually had a scan at 5 weeks that looked normal (I've had an ectopic pregnancy and got scanned early to ensure it was in the right place). It just never got any farther.

TheMshipIsBack · 09/08/2016 11:59

I agree with SirVix - very logical that if you are small for dates it may not be viable.

MephistoMarley · 09/08/2016 12:00

I'm not sure what your husband is expecting from you right now - of course you aren't going to be happy and sunny while this is going on.
This situation will put a huge amount of strain on you as a couple though.

Original poster
tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 12:00

When I asked her about the big jump from 7 to 5 week, she said that lmp is just a general guess before the scan. And that some women ovulate later , which I know I do. I have a longer cycle.

I guess my worry is that the further along I am the harder it will be.
I kept saying and saying I will be 9 and a bit weeks by the time the next scan comes and she said there is no way. I will only be sevenish. It's so confusing. I want to just curl up in a ball

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SirVixofVixHall · 09/08/2016 12:01

I also don't understand why your husband is "disappointed" with you? Surely he could have worn a condom? It took both of you to get pregnant, he isn't with you, you have no support, even if he is anti-abortion he must see that this is an incredibly stressful and dismal situation for you to be in?

Original poster
tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 12:05

He disappointed in the way I'm dealing with it, no the actual abortion. He said he's been very nice to me last few weeks.
After the scan yesterday, that when the nurse called me and said that I was too early, had to come back etc. I was frightened, scared, utterly broke down.
I called him minutes later to let him know, quite distressed. He then told me he had to do something regarding the visa on Wednesday. And It sounded like it was shit. Like no hope. And I basically told him he will get refused again, and I have to wait another two weeks for this and I can't cope and the man who is dealing with his visa is taking the piss. Just taking his money.
That's when he got annoyed. Said I'm being negative , he's not happy with what's going on, but he's not forcing me to keep the baby.

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SirVixofVixHall · 09/08/2016 12:07

LMP is a guess-ish, in that cycles vary and conception is hard to pinpoint, for most women ovulation is two weeks post period starting, so it is usually a reasonable guess. However, if you know the date you last had sex then you know you can only have conceived at most a few days later than that, as sperm can live a little while inside you. Then add on two weeks to get a better pregnancy date. Which in your case should make you between six and six and a half weeks pregnant, or more, if you had sex earlier and could have ovulated earlier too.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/08/2016 12:08

I imagine your husband feels guilty that he isn't with you. And I think everything for you feels so much worse because you are all alone. Do you have anyone at all who you could confide in who might be a bit supportive?

Original poster
tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 12:09

That's what I thought. But the nurse said that's not correct. That lmp dates are not at all accurate and to just go by scan dates. It's so confusing

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Original poster
tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 12:12

Abortion is illegal in his country apart from a feel situations. That doesn't help

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Original poster
tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 12:14

He also told me yesterday he's worried that it's not safe for me. I explained that it is perfectly safe. But the stuff im reading online that you can die from it, I don't know what the truth

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TheMshipIsBack · 09/08/2016 12:15

Both can be true - based on when you had sex, call it 6.5 weeks, but the scan says 5 weeks. The scan dates are more accurate. That's why the 12 week scan is often called the dating scan. They will certainly go by the scan dates when determining what type of termination is most suitable for you.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/08/2016 12:15

Well scan dates give an accurate picture going by size, but then sometimes a pregnancy can be small because it isn't progressing as it should. Sperm can't live longer than a few days, so in someone who knows when they last had sex, you can date a pregnancy more accurately than you can otherwise. Although implantation can also take a little while, so it isn't absolutely accurate to the letter. I would give them the date you know you conceived, and let them work from that- although it may not be relevent now anyway, if they are adamant that they won't see you again for a fortnight. Is there anything you could do with your little boy that you would find fun and relaxing? You need to have a mental break from all this stress and anxiety.

TheMshipIsBack · 09/08/2016 12:17

Stop reading that stuff now! Terminations are incredibly safe and far far far less risky than pregnancy and birth. Step away from Google, get outside with your son for an hour.

MorrisZapp · 09/08/2016 12:17

You are extremely unlikely to die because of a termination carried out by medical professionals.

Is there a reason why you don't trust the professionals who you've been advised by so far?

Original poster
tryingtobestronger · 09/08/2016 12:19

Morris I think it's because I always expect the worst. And also because there's so much different infomationa- even on this thread regarding how to dAte a pregnancy

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