Mortifying preganancy stories!

[VirtualPA]

Can I have your's please?

I had one this weekend...

I was staying with my parents and coughed.
My knickers were flooded and I thought my waters had broken.

Legged it into my parents bedroom in the middle of the night. My mum leaned over, felt my wet pants, sniffed her fingers and said

'go back to bed, you just peed yourself'

[catftm]

LOL some of these stories are hilarious, ive been in stiches, hopw its starts my labour haha. Laughed out loud about the episotomny and the glove although a bit cruel haha.

[sassy34264]

I hope all this laughing doesn't start my labour off. I would die of shame if i had to go into hospital now. The reason for this, is because on Sunday i decided i had, had enough of my overgrown lady garden. I spent nearly 45 mins in the shower in all sorts of contortionists positions trying to groom myself. I can hardly reach, (i'm 32 weeks with twins!) can't see a bloody thing and had to use my left hand at times. I don't know what it looks like but i can feel quite a few tufty bits!!!! Can you imagine the look on the doctors face?

[buttonmoon78]

Oh so many...

Screaming at SHO & demanding drugs for SPD at about 32wks?

Same SHO backing out of room hurriedly upon encountering me in labour?

Telling Consultant & MW that if they were about to tell me it was too late for an epidural I would bloody well scream? (it was & I did)

Comandeering OHs high vis jacket to stop oncoming lorries in a traffic jam so he could drive round them and get into our street so I could go to the loo? (while he slunk further & further into his seat - wimp)

Locking the door of the bathroom to have a post-partum bath (against advice) then getting stuck and having to be hauled out?

Oh happy days...

[MummyFifi]

The three days it has taken me to get through the whole of this thread have been so, so, so worth it!!! Some amazing (and horrific) stories.

I have one... Throughout my pregnancy (I am 29 weeks atm) I have suffered with terrible trapped wind and constipation, at about 22 weeks pregnant was at home watching TV with DH when suddenly the most intense pain I have ever felt went shooting through my abdomen, it was coming in waves and I screamed at DH "Quick get the MW on the phone, I think I'm going into prem labour..." I then dropped to my hands and knees (whilst he scrambled round looking for his mobile) and let out the loudest, longest, smelliest fart known to man (blush) then told him not to worry about calling the MW as the baby probably wasn't coming! It really did hurt though...

[MummyFifi]

[MadameCheese]

Mummyfifi I feel your pain . On tuesday I was at a parenting class, all very informal, actually it was more of a party, with lots of food. I think I ate far too much for my squashed stomach to accommodate and as I opened my mouth to say something, burped loudly instead! For some reason I find this more embarrassing than farting as I have no control/warning .

[edemame]

You guys have really cheered me up today. I'm suffering at 30 weeks with my 1st and feeling really low and unsocial. I'm glad there are so many who have felt akward, so I'll share.

Had to see the midwife at 28 weeks. She's given me my own wee tubes (what a lucky girl I am) so I can take in my samples rather than use the toilet there and have to hold off going to the loo between home and the appointment.

Since I'm not sleeping more than 5 rotten hours each night, I get up at 9am more than half asleep, my eyes hardly open, and grab my tube. I had uncapped the tube the night before knowing I'd be tired. But trying to hover a little over the loo I didnt realize I wasnt weeing into the tube until I felt something warm hit my foot! I'd missed the tube, the toilet and was weeing on my floor and foot!

Luckily I had enough left for my tube and I guess it woke me up , but man I was angry. Woke up the hubby with swearing and now he wont stop taunting me about it.

[saoirse86]

The whole wee or waters gushing seems far too common in these stories. I'm now 35+2 and thinking about going down to boots right away to get lots of maternity pads and mats to place all over ever surface at home, work, in cars, possibly just strap a few to my arse just in case. DP will kill me if I get anything on his leather seats. I had a growth scan 2 days ago and was told I have lots of waters so I just know I'll have my own story to tell soon!

[8rubberduckies]

Brilliant thread!

When I was pg we lived in a house with a downstairs loo and very steep stairs. The 6-times-a-night trip to the loo was getting too daunting towards the end and it was a choice of either moving onto the sofa permanently or weeing in a handy receptacle upstairs.

I decided that, despite the six months of pregnancy yoga, trying to balance my massive bump and massive arse over a potty six times a night and aiming true would be too much to ask of myself, so we bought a cheap baby bath and stashed it in our new baby's nursery. Waddling down the stairs with a baby bath full of wee every morning to empty it down the loo was a feat of immense concentration, but I refused to ask my DP to do it for me, as I thought that would be a step too far and may ruin any romance / mystery left in our relationship.

DPs best mate, who lives in a different city so I'd only met him a few times before, came over to visit one morning, and DP took him up into the new nursery to proudly show him how it was coming along. I was in the shower at the time and my heart sank when I went upstairs and poked my head in to be greeted by both of them stood around the wee-filled baby bath studiously trying to ignore it.

I brazened it out and laughed far too loud and asked them if I could just squeeze in and remove my potty - money was tight and we could not stretch to a commode. The incident has never been mentioned since.

PS - so much for trying to preserve the romance and mystery in our relationship. I puked on my partner's foot during labour and dislocated his little finger when giving my last push.

[Badgerwife]

Oh dear, I'm only TCC1, and this thread is FREAKING. ME. OUT!!!

[Applemuncher]

I'm only 11 weeks pg with first child so I don't have anything to share just yet. I have to say though that if all these stories weren't so hilarious I'd be terrified but I've never laughed so much!!

[rubbersoul]

I've just found out I'm pregnant and have been crying with laughter reading this thread!! Am slightly ever so scared as well...

[Dreemagurl]

Bump

[CupcakesHay]

Oh - so so funny

I'm 17wks pg and although friend warned me about the poo - i'm now dreading the weeing, waters coming, farting in face of midwife and generally all of it!

Actually very dreading waters as i'll be at mum's house and she's sooooooo house proud. I think sainsburys would be first choice over my mum's living room!

[laurenamium]

haha I haven't laughed so much in ages! I'm 26 weeks now and really suffered with morning sickness up until about 20 weeks. Was driving to work one day down a motorway when i suddenly thought Im going to be sick NOW. Couldn't pull over or get the window open fast enough so instead was sick in my hand, other hand holding the steering wheel...Ended up with sick all over me, all over the car and steering wheel, had to turn round and go straight home!

[Moominfamily]

I love this thread so much!

I too have peed, at 7 months gone, to be fair I was throwing up into the bath at the time as DH was throwing up into the toilet as we both had a stomach bug. Unfortunately I had to clean out the bath before I could shower clean, and it all happened in front of DH who still talks about it now .

Also, DS had shoulder dystocia and the devastatingly handsome paediatrician who came to tell me about it mentioned he had been at my delivery. Where DS had been stuck, and it had taken a room full of people to do the episiotomy and haul back my legs to deliver his 9lbs 6oz frame. And a further 1.5 hrs to stitch up my fanny. I was mortified.

[pinkgrasshopper]

Just last night I went to a comedy show. We'd been for a Mexican meal first and by the time we reached the theatre I was in agony with wind. So much so that a few minutes after the house lights went down I undid my lovely loose linen trousers- I am 14 weeks so still in normal clothes. I don't think there's any need to spell out what happened an hour later when I stood up to leave...

[nattiecake]

I'm 35 weeks now and not weed myself yet, though im sure it will happen soon... lol

The most embarrassing story i can think of is at about 20 weeks my DH had popped out and i decided to lie down on the nursery floor so i could feel baba moving. i had an attack of sciatica and couldnt move, so i had to lie there until he got home and could help me up. worst bit being that i didnt realise i had my phone on the floor with me so could have just called him hurry and help me up!!

[firsttimer78]

I'm 35 weeks today and just realised that I managed to waddle round the whole of tesco with a 'ripe and ready' sticker from a melon stuck to my left boob! No wonder so many people were smiling at me...

[VickiHarris]

These are all so funny and comforting.

I was 32 weeks with DD and was wandering around Marks and Spencer when a very rude lady knocked past me and then tutted indignantly as if it was my fault.
Hormonal and short tempered I said 'excuse me, was that hostility aimed at me? YOU pushed passed ME' etc etc.... Unfortunatley, mid rant, I did the loudest, most embarrassing fart, went bright purple and snuck off tail between legs leaving smirks and laughter in my wake.

Neadless to say, I thought twice before getting that worked up again in public.

[Marjee]

When I went for my 12 week scan they were running 2 hours behind on the appointments so we had a really long wait. It was a hot day so I'd had loads to drink and the letter from the hospital said I had to have a "moderately full bladder" for the scan so I didn't go for a wee. When we eventually got in the dr started the scan then told me he couldn't see anything as my bladder was so full it was in the way . He sent me out to the toilet but told me not to do it all, just do half a wee! Wtf?!! When I got back in there ds had moved into a strange position so they couldn't get the measurements they needed, they made me stand next to the bed and jump up and down for a few minutes. When that didn't work they made me lay on the bed and thrust! It took ages to get him to move and the whole time dh was sitting next to me trying not to laugh! Thankfully they managed to do the scan eventually and all was well!

[MadameCheese]

Glad to see this thread again. This is not a pregnancy story but never mind. We were out having a meal with good friends, they were expecting their first baby in a matter of weeks so inevitably we started talking about labour. We were discussing the entrance/exit of our DS on a superficial level of course and for some reason perineal massage. I said I couldn't manage it as I was so huge and failed to see how anyone would find it easy or would bother. My very sensitive DH retorted "yes but you ended up being ripped from arsehole to breakfast time". It was inapproriate enough to mention to said chums but the chap sitting behind us was someone I used to work with.

[cordiality]

Another horrific pee story here, that actually happened to my best friend. At about 34 weeks pg, her and her DH decided to have sex, and she thought she'd go on top, as it was the most comfortable position for her. It took a bit of effort to heave herself on top of her DH, and when she made it, DH was in fits of laughter, which set her off... and then she wet herself.

She was mortified, her DH was horrified, though very reasonably said afterwards that a lot of guys would gladly pay for that kind of thing and it was just unlucky that it didn't do it for him!!!

Don't reckon I'll be trying to have sex in the third trimester, not without lots of pelvic floor exercises first anyway!

[Pinetreeland]

Thanks for the thread too. It's hilarious! Something to look forward to in 4 months' time!