Mortifying preganancy stories!

[VirtualPA]

Can I have your's please?

I had one this weekend...

I was staying with my parents and coughed.
My knickers were flooded and I thought my waters had broken.

Legged it into my parents bedroom in the middle of the night. My mum leaned over, felt my wet pants, sniffed her fingers and said

'go back to bed, you just peed yourself'

[stainesmassif]

Stupid iPhone. 'why the hell'

[stainesmassif]

Dh and I went for lunch by the river yesterday. Lovely day, sitting in the sunshine, ds asleep, waiting for our roasts.....dh squinted at me - 'what's that growing out of your chin?'. He leaned over and grabbed hold of a 2 inch grey hair growing out of my chin. I am not father Christmas, I am a heavily pregnant 38 year old woman. Where's the justice? And why the he'll hadn't I seen it before??

[Southsearocks]

I recently went into hospital with bleeding and I asked that my partner stay in the room while a lovely lady doctor examined my cervix. She had to go out of the room to get something and while she was gone my other half made me laugh hard and the speculum shot out!

We couldn't stop giggling...

[lucielooo]

at WitchyWoowoo chatting up the doctor.. I do that horrible over compensating jokey thing too.. dunno why the tumbleweed that follows does nothing to relax me!

[WitchyWooWoo]

oops posted too early, it was constipation... so my first fanjo exam and my first bout of constipation. what a special night

[WitchyWooWoo]

early on in pregnancy with dc1 i had really bad pains, actually doubling over and crying sort of pain so rushed up to see out of hours doctor.

that night i had my first vaginal examination

i was so nervous i told him he was special and didn't have to even buy me dinner first

i still at the memory of that

[lal123]

lovely thread.

37 weeks preg at what turned out to be last MW appointment. Student doctor there - first ante-natal experience. He was feeling for baby's position. Went on for ages and ages, with prodding getting harder and harder and the look on his face getting more and more worried. He turned to mw and whispered (rather too loudly) - "I can't find its head!", I replied "Well, she had one last week..." He had another go and found the head up by my ribs "Phew - found it" Followed by a worried me -"That'd bloody better not be it!!!". Midwife took over, and found head where it should be.


Both my births were very funny because of gas and air - but very much in a "you had to be there" kind of way!

[MadameCheese]

I'm obviously laughing one heck of a lot , I blame lack of sleep

[MadameCheese]

PMSL laughing, literally, stoopid pelvic floor!

[Rev084]

My old boss told me a funny story when I was preggers. His wife is a midwife and said she assisting a junior ob with his first delivery. The lady must have been crowning and the doc was at the business end, the ladies feet were in stirrups.

For some reason, he thought it was appropriate to use either his hands or forceps (can't remember) to tug on the babies head. However, he was sat on one of these short stools with wheels, got a bit over-enthusiastic with the tugging and fell face-first into the ladies faff.

[HeadingHome]

Oh, please more!!!

[MadameCheese]

I'm resurrecting this thread to add another incidence of my DH's lack of tact. DD was born 3 days ago :) and DH sent a round-robin email to everyone -including his colleagues - giving certain details, such as my need for "rather nasty stitches". I think we all know what that means

[Pinetreeland]

Thanks for the thread too. It's hilarious! Something to look forward to in 4 months' time!

[cordiality]

Another horrific pee story here, that actually happened to my best friend. At about 34 weeks pg, her and her DH decided to have sex, and she thought she'd go on top, as it was the most comfortable position for her. It took a bit of effort to heave herself on top of her DH, and when she made it, DH was in fits of laughter, which set her off... and then she wet herself.

She was mortified, her DH was horrified, though very reasonably said afterwards that a lot of guys would gladly pay for that kind of thing and it was just unlucky that it didn't do it for him!!!

Don't reckon I'll be trying to have sex in the third trimester, not without lots of pelvic floor exercises first anyway!

[MadameCheese]

Glad to see this thread again. This is not a pregnancy story but never mind. We were out having a meal with good friends, they were expecting their first baby in a matter of weeks so inevitably we started talking about labour. We were discussing the entrance/exit of our DS on a superficial level of course and for some reason perineal massage. I said I couldn't manage it as I was so huge and failed to see how anyone would find it easy or would bother. My very sensitive DH retorted "yes but you ended up being ripped from arsehole to breakfast time". It was inapproriate enough to mention to said chums but the chap sitting behind us was someone I used to work with.

[Marjee]

When I went for my 12 week scan they were running 2 hours behind on the appointments so we had a really long wait. It was a hot day so I'd had loads to drink and the letter from the hospital said I had to have a "moderately full bladder" for the scan so I didn't go for a wee. When we eventually got in the dr started the scan then told me he couldn't see anything as my bladder was so full it was in the way . He sent me out to the toilet but told me not to do it all, just do half a wee! Wtf?!! When I got back in there ds had moved into a strange position so they couldn't get the measurements they needed, they made me stand next to the bed and jump up and down for a few minutes. When that didn't work they made me lay on the bed and thrust! It took ages to get him to move and the whole time dh was sitting next to me trying not to laugh! Thankfully they managed to do the scan eventually and all was well!

[VickiHarris]

These are all so funny and comforting.

I was 32 weeks with DD and was wandering around Marks and Spencer when a very rude lady knocked past me and then tutted indignantly as if it was my fault.
Hormonal and short tempered I said 'excuse me, was that hostility aimed at me? YOU pushed passed ME' etc etc.... Unfortunatley, mid rant, I did the loudest, most embarrassing fart, went bright purple and snuck off tail between legs leaving smirks and laughter in my wake.

Neadless to say, I thought twice before getting that worked up again in public.

[firsttimer78]

I'm 35 weeks today and just realised that I managed to waddle round the whole of tesco with a 'ripe and ready' sticker from a melon stuck to my left boob! No wonder so many people were smiling at me...

[nattiecake]

I'm 35 weeks now and not weed myself yet, though im sure it will happen soon... lol

The most embarrassing story i can think of is at about 20 weeks my DH had popped out and i decided to lie down on the nursery floor so i could feel baba moving. i had an attack of sciatica and couldnt move, so i had to lie there until he got home and could help me up. worst bit being that i didnt realise i had my phone on the floor with me so could have just called him hurry and help me up!!

[pinkgrasshopper]

Just last night I went to a comedy show. We'd been for a Mexican meal first and by the time we reached the theatre I was in agony with wind. So much so that a few minutes after the house lights went down I undid my lovely loose linen trousers- I am 14 weeks so still in normal clothes. I don't think there's any need to spell out what happened an hour later when I stood up to leave...

[Moominfamily]

I love this thread so much!

I too have peed, at 7 months gone, to be fair I was throwing up into the bath at the time as DH was throwing up into the toilet as we both had a stomach bug. Unfortunately I had to clean out the bath before I could shower clean, and it all happened in front of DH who still talks about it now .

Also, DS had shoulder dystocia and the devastatingly handsome paediatrician who came to tell me about it mentioned he had been at my delivery. Where DS had been stuck, and it had taken a room full of people to do the episiotomy and haul back my legs to deliver his 9lbs 6oz frame. And a further 1.5 hrs to stitch up my fanny. I was mortified.

[laurenamium]

haha I haven't laughed so much in ages! I'm 26 weeks now and really suffered with morning sickness up until about 20 weeks. Was driving to work one day down a motorway when i suddenly thought Im going to be sick NOW. Couldn't pull over or get the window open fast enough so instead was sick in my hand, other hand holding the steering wheel...Ended up with sick all over me, all over the car and steering wheel, had to turn round and go straight home!

[CupcakesHay]

Oh - so so funny

I'm 17wks pg and although friend warned me about the poo - i'm now dreading the weeing, waters coming, farting in face of midwife and generally all of it!

Actually very dreading waters as i'll be at mum's house and she's sooooooo house proud. I think sainsburys would be first choice over my mum's living room!

[Dreemagurl]

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