Mortifying preganancy stories!

[VirtualPA]

Can I have your's please?

I had one this weekend...

I was staying with my parents and coughed.
My knickers were flooded and I thought my waters had broken.

Legged it into my parents bedroom in the middle of the night. My mum leaned over, felt my wet pants, sniffed her fingers and said

'go back to bed, you just peed yourself'

[VirtualPA]

santa - you are right. It should be a classic!

[DillyDora]

OK, so I'm not peeing my pants yet (21 weeks) but I am shrieking and snorting with laughter - thank you so much for these fantastic stories! You are hilarious and I feel better about labour already!

[FabIsGoingToGetFit]

lucysmam Did you have a section in the end or did you say what it was?

[shandyleer]

Dc1 - am in labour, baby is imminent, midwife says to dh "can you get a vest, babygrow and nappy ready please". Dh looks in bag we've brought to hospital, can't find anything. He asks me where baby stuff is. "What baby stuff?" "The baby's things, you know". "Um, I haven't brought anything with me". "What do you mean you haven't brought anything, you're having a baby, what did you think the baby was going to do, come out fully dressed?" Dh and I begin to argue before midwife (who, to this day, I know was on his side) took pity on this ignorant fool who knew nothing about babies and sent dh off home to get some baby things. I hadn't brought anything for the baby with me at all cos I'd read somewhere (I am nearly positive) that the hospital provided everything . Gosh, how ignorant naive was I? Nearly 18 years later I still haven't lived that one down ....

Dc4 - my mother had broken her arm. Coincided with school holidays so thought I would go and stay and help her out (not sure how much help I thought I'd be with 3 children in tow and 36 week old bump, but the intention was there). Arrived at mother's on Monday. Tuesday morning woke up in labour (knew the feeling well by now, also knew my labours didn't tend to last long). Step-father does Starsky and Hutch drive to hosp (quite impressive for an habitual 30 mph middle lane cruiser). Fall out of the car into waiting wheelchair, midwife strides off, mother rushes behind. Get to delivery suite, am upset cos Dh won't be there and also dc4 was meant to be delivered by my lovely friend - obviously not going to happen now. But console myself with "never mind, Mum is here, it will be lovely for her, great bonding experience etc etc. Actually, where is Mum?"

Midwife says "She just met someone she knew in the corridor". Mother arrives just then, I sigh in relief, delivery suite doors burst open, woman rushes in, embraces mother, long conversation ensues - and basically this process is repeated throughout the whole time it took for dc4 to enter the world.

The hospital was one where mother had spent most of her nursing career, and word must have spread that Sister xxx was on the premises. Delivery suite was like Picadilly Circus, with everyone ignoring me completely, except thankfully for lovely midwife who'd never heard of bloody Sister xxx. Mother missed the whole lot. She did have some lovely chats with old friends though.

[harmonyb23]

I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and about 4 weeks ago was feeling very sick whilst eating my dinner. It got to the stage where I had to rush to the bathroom to throw up. I was throwing up incredibly violently and felt my bladder go so ended up being sick and wetting myself all at the same time. Needless to say I hopped straight in the bath afterwards and was extremely embarrassed, good job no-one was there to see the whole scenario.

[FabIsGoingToGetFit]

shandyleer - not the only ones who had nothing. We went in to be checked on the Sunday as baby would not move and hadn't for a long time. Took everything in the car as a practice run. The next day I was due a scan but asked to go in earlier as needed blood tests and more monitoring. I told DH he didn't need to come and when he said he did we decided not to take anything with us as we had done the practice... baby born by emergency section hours later. The staff were great. We told them we had nothing and they just sorted everything out for us until the next morning when DH brought everything. he had to go shopping the next day as the babygrows were too big as the midwife had predicted a 8-9lber. He wasn't.

[shandyleer]

That's good to hear Fab, not the emergency section obviously, but the fact I am not alone

[NickiSue]

This should definitely be a permanent thread! Hubby keeps looking at me funny as I cross my legs and snort occasionally :p

[littlepinkpear]

To add to my earlier shame...

When I was in labour and off my face on G&A I was still fully clothed in a summer dress and some lovely Dune sandals. It wasnt going well, lots of blood in my waters, on a drip, electronic monitor in etc etc MIdwife decided to ask me if I wanted to put a gown on.

I burst into tears and refused to take my dress or my sandals off. I decided I wanted to give birth in it and to keep my sandals on the whole time. I was sobbing at DH not to let them take my sandals off (they cost a small fortune but were ruined due to my waters going on them). I started to get really freaked out as I was then going to be 'a patient' WTF?

Somehow I equated putting a gown on with major amounts of pain. I thought sparkly sandals held the power to not make it painful.

24 hours later and I was wheeled into theatre....

[ScentedLovePuff]

A friend of mine was having a home birth, she had been enjoying the G&A for a while, and became very emotional. She decided that she wasn't ready for all this right now and having a baby was a mistake. She then went into the kitchen and proceeded to eat an entire wedge of brie before the midwife or her husband could stop her. Then, sitting on the kitchen floor, her waters went, and she burst into tears again saying that she had melted the baby........

I wasn't very rock and roll, I did soak my midwifes shoes (they were Crocs too, with the holes....) when my waters went (or gushed again, as they had already gone and I was trying to convince her of this).

I had a section in the end, just after DD was born I heard her cry, and (God only knows why) remarked to my ex-H that I was surprised they let people bring babies into the operating theatre as it was supposed to be sterile, Lord knows why I didn't twig at that moment and realise that was my baby!!

[FabIsGoingToGetFit]

LOL Scented at the babies being allowed in theatre.

What was it like when you heard your baby cry? Mine was flat on delivery and my other 2 didn't cry when born so I didn't have that.

[ScentedLovePuff]

@Fab, it was pretty cool, but mummy instinct kicks in and I was all for hopping up from the operating table and going to her (once I twigged that she was mine!)

At the risk of sounding a bit dim, what does 'flat on delivery' mean?

[MistyB]

Safe in the knowledge that I have had my last pregnancy - this is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read!! Midwives have my upmost respect!!

[FabIsGoingToGetFit]

He wasn't breathing.

[ScentedLovePuff]

I'm sorry @Fab! Sorry to bring up something so sad! DD didn't for several minutes as she was in distress (emergency section) it was horrible.

[FabIsGoingToGetFit]

No need to apologise. It is never far away.

Sorry to hear you have been through it too.

[RuthChan]

When 35 weeks pregnant with DS, I woke up at 5:30 one morning wetting myself in bed. I was completely unimpressed by this and ran off to the loo cursing that I would spend the the next 5 weeks with pregnancy incontinence.
It was only when I went to bed that night that it suddenly occured to me that actually my waters had broken, hence explaining why I had gone on wetting myself all day.
The next morning I called my doctor and was summoned to the hospital to be checked.
She examined me, but decided that my waters hadn't broken at all and sent me home saying that the baby wouldn't be born for at least another two or three weeks.

The following day, I started having gentle contractions, but thought nothing of it,
as my doctor had reassured me that DS was nowhere near being born, until in the evening, having put DD to bed, they suddenly became really strong and when I timed them they were only 3 minutes apart.
I felt the urge to go to the loo, crawled there, looked down and found feet sticking out of me.
I knew DS was breech, but it was a bit of a shock to find bright blue feet at that moment.
I shouted to DH, who didn't believe me at all until he saw them for himself and then called an ambulance with the words; "My wife is pregnant and she has feet sticking out of her".
We then had a fightdiscussion about whether or not I was capable of getting off the loo, before he picked me up and carried me the living room.
DH was very generous and kindly did all the panicking for both of us so I could relax and let DS birth himself.

When the ambulance arrived, DS's body was out and only his head remained inside me.
The (rather panicking) ambulance man kept telling me forcefully to push, so I acutally told him to shut up because I was damn well pushing and it was really hard to push out the head of a baby when there was no body inside me for my muscles to push against.
Anyway, DS was eventually born, and once they got him breathing, we went of to hospital, sirens blaring!

[curiouselle]

Although really entertaining and funny reading these stories are not a good thing for someone just considering a baby to read
Thank You ladies
aghhhhhh

[MistyB]

fabisgoingtogetfit hug from here.

[lucysmam]

Fabisgoingtogetfit, I had a section because they couldn't get her to turn. Thankfully I didn't have to explain what it was. Would have been very if I'd had to explain that with my dp rolling round in the background & I'm sat here giggling about it all over again now!

[MegBusset]

During the pushing stage giving birth to DS2, I felt myself push a poo out and a midwife wiping it away. (Least of my worries at that moment!)

Later on, after the birth, I said to DH "God I feel sorry for the poor midwife who had to wipe my poo away." DH went quiet for a moment then said, "Actually, that wasn't a poo -- your bum fell out and she had to kind of poke it back in!"

[MistyB]

Sorry - but the instant between delivery and cry was iternity for me - I am so, so sorry..................... tears and (honest) lifetime of grief!)