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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Mortifying preganancy stories!

237 replies

VirtualPA · 07/06/2010 08:45

Can I have your's please?

I had one this weekend...

I was staying with my parents and coughed.
My knickers were flooded and I thought my waters had broken.

Legged it into my parents bedroom in the middle of the night. My mum leaned over, felt my wet pants, sniffed her fingers and said

'go back to bed, you just peed yourself'

OP posts:
JentlyDoesIt · 11/06/2010 19:29

Super large amounts of water with both DC's. Stood in Sainsburys cafe at around 36 weeks with DS (measuring a rather impressive 48 ish cms) next to a Granny and toddler grandson. Small child stands under my bump, points upwards and shouts "look Granny a BALLOON" Oh, how the rest of Sainsburys laughed...

Planned section with DD 18 months later. Having a section because of more extra water ishoos and previous EMCS. The dr calmly announces "ok, now we're going to break your waters" Cue a massive POP then a "suction, more suction MORE suction!!!!" then people splashing at the business end. My notes say there were approx 3 litres of water - is that something to be proud of???

addictedisalmosthalfway · 11/06/2010 20:17

there should be a warning on this thread not to read if you suffer with pregnancy related incontanence.

i've just sat here and laughed so much, but i also have a cough atm... i wet myself

WhoSleptInMyPorridgeAndBrokeIt · 11/06/2010 22:39

Not the funniest horror story if you think of it... Not me or anyone I know but my midwife said (after DS came out, luckily) that she was once delivering a woman who deliberately bit her DH on the inside of his thigh.. you can imagine where she was aiming!! Now I did sink my nails into DH's hand and drew blood from him while pushing, but that's coz I was aiming for myself (distraction tactic) and he wouldn't let me. But I was sorry and kept apologising for like an hour. Am I being unreasonable, or is attempted castration saying something about that relationship?

macfi · 12/06/2010 00:10

I was sick all through my pregnancy, on the bus, on the crowded platform at Victoria, at my desk infront of my entire team ( and not just once ) I consider myself responsible for the drop in pregnancies due to my terrifying and constant vomiting.
On my final day of work my DH drove me in as I was way too big to be let loose on the tube and I was sick and wet my self at the same time.
I had to skulk into the disable loo and wash and dry my top and knickers under the hand towel.
Ha Ha the same loo where I blocked the sink with vomit and had to call my DH to come and unblock it as I was too mortified to tell anyone.

Sleepingonthebus · 12/06/2010 00:39

I was being prepped for CS with DD, and XP was getting into the scrubs outside.

After everything was all over, XP couldn't find his clothes.

Turns out, when he had got changed, he laid his clothes on a trolley, which happened to be the laundry trolley.

Took him hours to find them.

Sleepingonthebus · 12/06/2010 00:48

Technically not a mortifying pregnancy story, but I was pregnant and he was mortified....

Sleepingonthebus · 12/06/2010 00:48

Technically not a mortifying pregnancy story, but I was pregnant and he was mortified....

Deemented · 12/06/2010 08:38

I was about sixteen weeks pregnnt with twins and still suffering morning sickness that lasted alllll day.

Was driving in town , and i suddenly felt i was going to be sick now, so i pulled over and got out of the car with the intention to look in the boot for something to be sick in. Only i never got that far - as soon as i stood up, nausea hit me and i projectile vomited everywhere. It was only after i'd stopped heaving that i looked up to find that i was outside pizza hut and i had an entire restaruant of disgusted customers staring through the big windows at me. I think i may have put a fair few of them off their lunches....

WizzyWoo · 12/06/2010 11:54

I love this thread, been laughing out loud!

When I was pregnant with DD 3 years ago, I had really bad wind one day in office and was desperately trying to hold it in. Finally couldn't hold it in any longer so started long waddle down corridor, past a meeting room full of bigwigs (yes, you can see where this is going). As I was walking past, said bigwigs emerged and unfortunately so did my wind... As I was clenching my buttocks for England at the time, my wind made itself known in the form of a long loud squeak, reminiscent of a trumpet. Practically ran down corridor and hid for 20 minutes so they'd be gone. As I was going out at lunchtime, I bumped into a few people I vaguely recognised. I realised in horror who they were when one of them made a squeaky fart sound then burst out laughing

When I was around 40 weeks pregnant and overdue with DS, who's now 6mo, I was about to go out when I noticed my boob was leaking colostrum. This hadn't happened with DD so I was horrified and rang DH at work for moral support. I didn't even say hello, just something along the lines of "my right boob is leaking everywhere, I'm cold, wet and upset." There was a pause then DH said (and I'll never forget the words) "Right. I don't quite know what to do with that but thank you for sharing." He put the phone down, leaving me fuming. When he came home he explained that as he was in the middle of a project meeting around his desk, he'd put me on speakerphone, thinking he could just say he'd call me back... Needless to say, I haven't been able to face his male work colleagues again since

Booboobedoo · 14/06/2010 11:01

I've just remembered another one.

At my twelve week scan with DS, I looked at the profile of his little head and blurted out:

"Oh my God! His ears are massive!".

Turns out it was his brain.

thesecondcoming · 14/06/2010 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Poledra · 14/06/2010 11:50

I love this thread.

I was on a business trip with 2 colleagues when heavily pg with DD1. We got a taxi to the place we were going, taxi stops, colleagues leap out. Taxi is sitting slightly up a slope, cannot open the door nearest to me as it's into the road. Also cannot get out of the door that's open as I cannot get myself up the slope . My colleagues looked back to see my legs waving about in the air as I desperately tried to get hold of the edges of the door to haul myself out.

They did come back and haul me out the cab, and I was referred to as Winnie thereafter (as in Winnie the Pooh when he gets stuck in Rabbit's door).

Giving birth to DD3, DD1 was an emergency section and DD2 was forceps. So, this was my first unassisted birth. DD3's head emerges, she immediately begins screaming then her head rotated round as she continued to yell. The look on DH's face is something I wish I had a picture of - he reckoned it was an Exorcist moment!

superwoman25 · 14/06/2010 16:14

When I was pg with dc5 (shes 19wks) my dd whos 6 kept saying I was a nose, confused I asked why, like the mummy nose on the telly, (she meant the olbas oil advert. When I came home from hospital she just said oh!!, I was like Whats the matter, she ssid your like the baby nose now

Very funny and scary in equal measure poledra thats why my dh stays away from the business end, usually right by the door

WEENEENIE · 15/07/2010 16:33

herjazz what a fantastic story I'm in tears!

WEENEENIE · 15/07/2010 16:38

oh. my. god!!!!! lovin it!

LouM10 · 15/07/2010 17:07

Was only 25 wks gone, and had 1 occasion of sneezing where I thought 'OOhh NEARLY' wet myself, but didn't. However, as it's been boiling lately, I've been living in maxi dresses. Decided I couldn't be bothered to put any knickers on and went about my business.

Went to shops forgetting I had no knickers on. Knelt all the waydown to browse the bread on bottom shelf, and sneezed. At least if my knickers had been on, it would have helped a bit, but straight on the floor. I have never exited a shop breadless so quickly in my life.

AKMD · 15/07/2010 19:12

Oh dear... We were staying with my parents while DH renovated our house. I was about 30 weeks pregnant. One night I woke up shouting that my waters had gone, DH sleepily sniffed and yes, I had just wet my parents' bed I then proceeded to wet the bed every night for the rest of my pregnancy.

I also had really terrible wind and it smelled disgusting. Luckily I have my own office but it was v. embarrassing whenever anyone walked in to talk to me - no mistaking whose fault it was!

DS was a ventouse birth. The lovely registrar attached the kiwi cup and then told me to push as hard as I could. I screwed up my face and gave an almighty push only to stop, open my eyes at see her looking absolutely horrified and dripping wet. Comment to MW: "I thought we had catheterised her!"

My FIL and SIL visited a few hours after DS was born while we were still in the delivery room. SIL asked why there were coke stains on the wall - I had to inform her that, actually, it was blood that had squirted out as I was pushing

Just to up it a level, since having DS I have pooed myself at least 3 times. The shame.

northlondonchoclover · 15/07/2010 21:11

Lol could not stop laughing

Doodleydoo · 15/07/2010 21:12

I did tell the midwife that she was the Devil's spawn and to F off, whilst similtaneously asking the anesthatist to marry me as he was fabulous - DH mortified. Was also given Pethidine (as induced and no where near giving birth..............damnit!) and thought that a black and white film with mountains on it was my heart beat on a monitor.

HedgehogsHogHedges · 15/07/2010 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LauraKB · 16/07/2010 09:00

This might have been a bit of a 'be there' moment but DD had to be delivered with forceps in the end so there was about 8 people in the room.

I'm not entirely sure what there were all doing but all of a sudden the Eastern european lady doctor who was wielding the forceps shouted in a voice EXACTLY like Helga from Allo Allo, 'Vhy are zer so many people in this room all movink arount?!!'. Even in my state of delirum I had to laugh.

That and the very handsome young pedeatrictian who was walking to me like we were chatting at a bus stop while I was still lying there legs akimbo in a pool of gore having my front bottom sewn back together!

Oh the glamour lol.

whatifihadneverbothered · 16/07/2010 10:18

I haven't laughed so much in ages!!!

My youngest DS was a huge baby, 12lb 2oz, when i had just delivered him the midwife said to my ExH, don't let her move she needs a stitch or two, I was oblivious,(love g&a) lying on the bed with DS looking adoringly at him, said midwife returned and started going about her business, when I popped my head up and said how many stitches am I going to have?

To which she replied, I'm doing a running bloody blanket stitch, here what do you expect after having a baby of that size!!!

sassy34264 · 16/07/2010 13:49

A few weeks after having my DD, i was in the supermarket doing some shopping. My brain had not yet returned and i was stood in an isle trying to remember what i was doing there and what i needed. Whilst trying to do this i was absent-mindedly pushing the pram back and forth over the same spot, when it suddenly occured to me that i had left my dd at home with her nanna. Looked down to see me trying to rock 3 tins of beans to sleep!!!!!

sillysow · 16/07/2010 14:56

ROFL - but not PMSL [ginn]

Thank you for this - although is making me nervous about number 2.

LauraKB · 16/07/2010 17:55

Lol at sassy. A similar thing happened to me when I went to the supermarket with my Mum and Dad (and the baby).

My Dad uses a wheelchair so I pushed him and my Mum pushed the trolley with the baby in it.

We stopped to look at something and I all of a sudden realised I was pushing my poor old Dad back and forward in his wheelchair like it was the pram!! He didn't say anything bless him, lol.

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