Mortifying preganancy stories!

[VirtualPA]

Can I have your's please?

I had one this weekend...

I was staying with my parents and coughed.
My knickers were flooded and I thought my waters had broken.

Legged it into my parents bedroom in the middle of the night. My mum leaned over, felt my wet pants, sniffed her fingers and said

'go back to bed, you just peed yourself'

[Biscuitbreaker]

Does everyone pee themselves when pregnant? I'm laughing, but also now terrified!!!

[Tras]

I cried on numerous occasions to my friends, dr, midwife and consultant about my piles. (anyone who would listen really) During one night when I couldnt sleep due to piles, I came downstairs and cried on the sofa. When blowing my nose, i farted and my pile cream squirted out of my bum. Was just the icing on the cake. lol Very embarrassing now! Thank God its over!!

[SunSoakedStone]

Waters broke while i was buying a bed. Poor sales guy was a bit shocked, and needless to say didn't make any commission out of us that day...

...and i was wearing my sister's trousers. She didn't want them back.

[SunSoakedStone]

but i didn't pee myself while pg, only in the middle of the delivery room floor (no way was i bothering to use the facilities at that late stage).

[Biscuitbreaker]

Thank you... am doing some pelvic floor exercises as I read...

[lefroglet]

I am also one to be added to the list of those that pee themselves. I had a viral cough - it was truly hideous - so bad that I would cough so much I would vomit copiously...it went on for weeks and weeks. The worst day was when my DH had to drive me into work to hand in a doctor's note (due to cough and severe SPD). I had taken to carrying a bowl near me if I knew I wouldn't be near a suitable receptacle, so on the way home in the car I started coughing but thought I would be ok. By the time I realised I was going to be sick my heavily pregnant state made it impossible to bend to get the bowl and I was sick all down myself. I had to sit in vomit covered clothes for the journey home, got out the car and scuttled to the house, only to cough and pee and vomit again. My poor DH had to peel my trousers and underwear off me and help to remove my clothes so I didn't get sick all over my hair - terrible.

[mummychicken]

Biscuitbreaker I didn't pee myself with DS1, I'm now pg again and after reading this lot I'm also frantically doing pelvic floor exercises

[mrspir8]

This thread is making me laugh so much!

[mummytowillow]

Well mine is an 'after c section' story, but I still cringe now!

The post natal ward was full, so I had my own room, laying in my bed in a post c section haze, gazing at my husband and baby daughter , door opens, in walks two assistants with a trolley and a bowl of soapy water, they say 'were just going to give you a wash', so I pulls my hair back ...... they smiled and pulled the covers back and proceeded to wash my fango with a ............ J Cloth! my DH face was a picture and I was mortified! But as my legs were knumb there wasn't alot of choice in the matter!!

Next day, went for a shower and I decided I was having a heart attack, I stood there whilst another assistant washed me from top to bottom whilst I wimpered like a baby, turns out it was trapped wind!

[ballstoit]

Not pregnancy, birth story.

I was desperate for a home birth with DC3 but, during my labour at home, when my waters broke there was meconium in them, and MW decided we should go to hospital.

So ambulance people arrive for the journey to hospital and while I'm trying to explain that I really need a poo, I realise that I, in fact, am crowning.

So, all hell lets loose as MW has packed everything back into her car and I still have my trousers on. DH runs out to MW's car to get stuff.

So I push baby out on the sofa, bang opposite the front door. It is not til the next day that I am informed that, in the rush, DH had not shut the front door on his way back in.

The elderly man next door, who popped round cos he was worried about the ambulance outside, has not looked me in the eye since.(DC3 is 1 next week)

[kellze]

Mine is a post birth story. 2 hours after giving birth, the midwife decides the epidural must have worn off by now and did I want to go have a bath. I lay there in a stupor thinking why yes, I could take on the world right now (hear me roar), she tells me to stand up and make my way to the bathroom.

I make it to my feet and even though my legs are a little jelly like, I felt fine. Next thing I know I am on the floor in a big heap pissing my self (can't control it) with laughter at having fallen over. Midwife forgot she had topped up my epidural and it wouldn't wear off for a few more hours. Oooops silly MW took 4 of them to pick me up.

[ohnelly]

Am loving this thread - please keep them coming

[NumptyMum]

@ballstoit!

[em1744]

Just found out I'm pregnant this evening and have been laughing out loud at all the stories. Unfortunately laughed so much I only just managed to get to the loo before vomiting everywhere.....

[MrsRigby]

Ha - on my 3rd pregnancy and have never wet my pants. Seems to be a big achievement reading this thread .

When I was in labour with DS (started of as a homebirth and then transferred to hospital) I left the house and got into an ambulance with nothing but a t-shirt on - the taxi driver who lives 2 doors away was patiently waiting behind and saw EVERYTHING.

As did the guy who looked back as I was being trolleyed into the delivery suite, legs wide open and 9cm dilated.

And I should also admit that only the lower half of my legs were shaven.

I was going to shave the top half after dinner, but then went into labour just as I finished eating (shepherds pie).

Oh and after giving birth, one of the midwife's walked in on my husband helping me to clean the blood off my legs and lady bits - I'd had an epidural and couldn't feel anything below my tummy button and I still had half smooth/half hairy legs.

[violetbat]

During my last pg at about 6 months in( dd3 was about 11 months old.) I was in the kitchen, by the sink, she was at my feet, suddenly I vomited but couldn't make the sink so I vomited all over dd3. She thought it was great fun and splashed around in the sick,. I seem to remember I also peed myself at the same time.
I don't think I bothered moving for a while, dd3 was having a ball. It was one of those Laurel and hardy moments when Ollie gives that look to camera, you know the one

[Deemented]

I thought it was only me that vomited and wee'd at the same time.

I'm so glad it's not...

[MissMarjoribanks]

I was utterly constipated all the way through my 3 day labour. At least, up until I got to pushing. Just after having popped DS out, the (lovely) midwife asked a cleaner sotto voce to empty the bin in the delivery room because 'its full of shit'.

[jonicomelately]

When I was pregnant with DS2 I suddenly felt really guilty that I hadn't done enough to prepare myself for the birth. I became really obsessed with the idea that I should go on a tour of the new maternity wing which was due to take place on an open weekend. It's funny looking back but I became very fixated on doing this bloody tour.

The morning of the tour is very snowy and we have a minor car accident. Cue lots of panic about the baby and a frantic phone call to the midwife. I'm advised to attend the hospital immediately which I duly do, and I'm placed in a room, on my own, where they can monitor the baby's heartbeat. After ten or so minutes what do I see though the window in the door. The bloody tour. Every one of the fuckers looked at me through that window. Thankfully I have quite a quirky sense of humour and saw the funny side. I may not have made the tour, but I was one of it's attractions.

[bosch]

Asecretlemonadedrinker - you reminded me, I also thought I was having a heart attack when pg with ds3. Phoned dr who confirmed that if gaviscon didn't sort it, I needed to get to hospital asap. God I loved gaviscon that pregnancy!

[Partyofsevensoontobeeight]

@ tras very funny.

I am a serial pregnant person, (am having no6 and no5 is only 19wks old) and although i think my pf is pretty damn good for all the traffic its had through it, it still gives way when i vomit (pg or not)

if i have just wee'd on the toilet and am then sick i just wet my pants but if i've not been for a while i sit over the bath whilst vomiting in the toilet, que dd6 'OMG what are you doing weeing in the bath, we're not allowed, DAD. MUMS WEEING IN THE BATH', shouted downstairs to a houseful of people

[GraceK]

I was driving my left-hand drive Smart car with a pregnant friend in the passenger seat. Stuck in traffic jam on the motorway, moving at about 20 mph. Morning sickness kicked in - she lowered the passenger window & was copiously sick out it. The people in the two lanes next us were convinced the driver (ie rhd car) was driving along whilst being sick. They looked terrified

[mummyistheword]

i was rumaging in my bag for toddler's drink and snack on a bench in middle of busy shopping area....what jumped out as i yanked out said snacks? a tube of piles cream.......in middle of floor for all passers by to see and about 8 people sitting near me...then i had to stand up and go get the damn thing!

[seeker]

I wet myself. In the kitchen, while making packed lunches. Not too disastrous, you think? However, it was recorded, in graphic detail and mortifyingly accurate spelling in dd's news book, and announced, in her famously clear and easy to understand tones at circle time.....!