pregnant with twins, considering termination. please help.

[moaninhore]

I have 3 wonderful children and a wonderful dh.
he didn't want any more children and now we are 10 weeks pregnant with twins. as time as gone on I realise how serious he is about not wanting them and I am now seriously thinking about aborting to save our marriage. I don't hate him as he is just being honest and I would not want to resent him forever.
I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has been in this position or who has known of anyone who has.
thanks.

Do you want the babies?

I'm affraid I don't have any advice only sympathy for the terrible decision you're faced with. Hopefully someone can offer you advice soon.

i was pregant with twins and on the bones of my arse.

do what you want to do. or it will kill your very lifes soul and destroy your marriage anyway.

hurry up about it time is of the essence.

What about how you feel, do you want to have the babies, when did you find out it was twins, is his reaction since finding out there was two not one?

What do you want to do?

If you don't want to continue then fine.

If you DO want to and would only abort to "save" your marriage it will destroy you, I believe.

I got unexpected pg at beginning of year, DH and I had decided no more DC and he was really pissed off when he found out. I'm due today and he couldn't be happier now he's got used to the idea - seriously.

You need to think about YOU, not him (to be blunt)

I assume he played some part in you becoming pregnant so he should be supporting you and your wishes, not having you worry about termination to save your marraige. You have to do what you think is best because if you do terminate and you don't really want to then I'd bet your marriage will be over anyway as you will resent and blame him.

If my partner was trying to make me have an abortion (not suggesting yours is but if so) then I wouldn't think much of him tbh.

I'm with Custardo...do what YOU feel inside yourself..

Good luck

Do what you think is best for you - although I know of women who have terminated pregnancies for the sake of their partners and that's resulted in deep bitterness later down the path. Are you sure five years or so from now you won't blame him for something you felt he pressured you into? Because in your post you seem to be implying its mostly him who doesn't want the babies - not so much you.

I do want the babies but I want them together with him.
we found out at 7 wks at a dating scan (private) I had bleeding and docs wanted to wait and see but I didn't have a clue how far gone I was at the time due to bleeding. (knew to the day with othher 3) he felt just the same at the thought of one baby.

I know he is panicing but I feel strongly that I need to have his full support in order to bring another 2 babies into our family, he is so sure it will break us. he feels he can't give anymore, financially, emotionally physically or time wise to anymore children. my children are 9, just 3 and 18 months old.
he works very very hard at work and at home, I am sahm, we have a small 3 bed house.. and not much family support locally.

when I think about having a termination I have vivid nightmares of what it will involve for my babies and I can't sleep and I hate it.
but I then look at my dh who is so so scared of the future with another 2 children to provide for and care for and it makes me feel desperate for us all

why didn't I post sooner? I am a bit of a regular wwho hasn't been on for ages. I'm not going to say my old name though.

custardo, sorry to be stupid but what does that mean 'on the bones of my arse'?

I think your DH is being very honest with you - he feels that your joint material circumstances and capacity to provide for your family are already stretched.

What is worse: to terminate this pregnancy now, and keep your family in reasonable circumstances, or to pursue the pregnancy and for you all to live with a huge amount of stress?

So you do want the babies then?

You could get family support help?

I think Custardo means her circumstances were poor when she was having her twins?

anna8888 today it is to terminate but yesterday it was to keep them...and tommorrow?
Does anyone know of anyone who has had this or similar? with one baby even?

Try visualising what it would really be like to be 7 of you in your house...

I know a girl who was 19, had 2 dc and then found herself pg with twins. She had 4 under 3 at one point.

She is doing very well, copes but with some (little) outside support help from a childrens centre.

4 under 4, i mean.

That's a really tough situation moanin and I feel for you. Is there anyway you think you as a family can cope with extra two mouthfuls to feed? I know it sounds like it'll be tough right now but I feel most of us tend to make financial decisions first and then reflect on how those decisions affected us emotionally later. Just dont do something you may deeply regret without careful consideration. You might want to call up Relate and speak to a counsellor with your husband before making a decision one way or another.

thankyou pamina, its nice to hear stories like that. anna8888 we would need to move I'm sure, but don't know how we would afford it.

scorpio it is really helpful to hear that.
terf we are seeing a councellor together on monday.

Anna in fairness there is no guarantee that a termination will keep the family in reasonable circumstances or having the babies will generate additional stress. The OP and her DH are worried that that may be the outcome but life doesn't come with such assurity.

OP I think only you and DH know how you feel but I expect, which ever course you take, it will be a tough decision and one you may question from time to time. The key is you need to be united in making the decision and making it for the right reason otherwise it will destroy your relationship eventually because of the resentment. I think you might need to see the GP and ask if there are any counselling services that could help.